All Of Your Life
by khalsey23
Summary: Derek chooses Addison, Meredith leaves Seattle and chasing her to airport Derek is involved in a car accident. Two years later Meredith returns but Derek doesn't remember her. Some ADDEK, ultimately MerDer. Completed 23/2/2011
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer; I do not own Grey's Anatomy, or any of it characters. Shonda Rhimes does and ABC, nor do i own the song which is my favourite song off the new Backstreet Boys album.**

**A/N. After listening to the song All of my life (you need love) on BSB new album This Is Us, i came up with this idea, and although it has changed slightly from where i started it, in some ways the song is still relevant, but i won't post the lyrics over here, but if you are interesting them send me a msg and mail them to you. Updates will only be one per week since i don't have as many banked as i would normally like before posting.**

**It is set after 2.1 Into you like a train, and i am aware the episode number might confuse some ppl as over here in the UK, that episode was the start of season 2. It is set straight after that episode after Derek chooses Addison. Enjoy! And i hope you all enjoy the ride.**

**Prologue**

"_Oh, you're staying with her"_

"Mer, she's my wife"  


Those words had haunted her for the past two days, haunting her even more as she sat on her bathroom floor staring at the stick that had just turned blue. She couldn't believe that this was happening to her, not right now, these past three months, has brought her closer to happiness than she ever thought possible, and also the worse pain imaginable. First she was Ellis Grey's daughter, then the intern sleeping with the attending, the attending that turned out to be married and who chose his freaking Isabella Rossellini gorgeous wife over her and worse off all she told him that she loved him. Now this, she was pregnant with said boss's love child.

Meredith knew that there was no way she could stay in Seattle if she chose to keep this baby, but she couldn't imagine aborting this child, whose father she loved so much. For her own sake and Derek's; it would be best if she left. She did not want him to leave Addison and chose her just because she was pregnant with his child.

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Two days later, Meredith was walking out of the chief office and walked straight into the person that she was hoping to avoid.

"Meredith, is everything alright?" Derek asked her holding on to her arm, Meredith quickly withdraw her arm, like she had received an electric shock.

"That is none of your business DR Shepherd" Meredith said harshly.

"Meredith..."

"Dr Shepherd, it is Dr Grey to you" Meredith said coldly.

"Mer..." Derek said, and Meredith winced as he called her by her shortened name, like he used too, before he choose her.

"Dr Shepherd, until i leave Seattle, you will call me Dr Grey, and only if you have too, otherwise I don't want to hear from you unless it is for a professional reason" Meredith said, tears threatening to fall, before quickly walking away from him. Derek stood there watching her, confused at what she meant about leaving.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Two days later, Derek found himself driving past Meredith house and pulling into her driveway; the two months that he had spent with Meredith in this house had felt more like home than the last eleven years that he had been married to Addison. Before he knew it he was ringing the doorbell - Meredith answered the door with a surprised look on her face.

"Derek...what are you doing here?"

"Meredith...Are you leaving?" Derek asked her, Meredith nodded her head.

"I leave tomorrow night" she told him.

"Please Mer...Don't leave" Derek begged her.

"I have to Derek"

"No you don't. How am I supposed to get through any of this if I can't see you every day?" Derek said to her, as the tears started falling, reaching his hand out to touch her, but N=Meredith took a step back.

"Derek, you chose Addison, you made your choice and now we both have to live with it" Meredith said, unashamed at her own tears, it tore her heart to shreds knowing that this would be the last time that she would see the man that she loved.

"I wish I didn't" Derek said taking a step closer to her.

"Derek...don't" Meredith said backing away from him.

"I am so sorry Meredith that I did this to us" Derek said sadly, shattering her already broken heart into a million pieces.

"Derek, you are a good man, you are trying to make things work, you wouldn't be you if you didn't. It means that I wasn't wrong about you" Meredith said with a small sad smile.

"I do love you, Meredith, please don't ever forget that, I love you so much" Meredith didn't know why but she believed him, she took a step closer to him, and stood on her toes, and gently kissed him.

"I love you too...we love you so much" Meredith said, saying her own silently goodbye to the only man she had ever loved.

"Please stay safe, Meredith" Derek said, sobbing.

"I will, I promise" Meredith assured him, making eye contact with him for the first time in days.

"So this is good bye"

"Yep, I guess it is" Meredith said, neither one of them moving from the spot where they stood. They are drawn together for one final kiss, a kiss to show how much they love each other and to say goodbye.

"I don't want to say goodbye" Derek said mournfully.

"Then don't, I'll see you soon" Meredith said.

"Yeah see you soon, Mer" Derek said before walking out of her door, and this time for good.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Derek was stood on the walkway staring out over the hospital parking lot; he knew that Meredith was at the airport, he managed to get it out of Izzie. He felt like a part of him was missing, that she was taking something of his with him, which she was, she was taking his heart with her.

"Derek" he heard his wife stood behind him.

"What?" Derek said more harshly than he intended too.

"Are you alright?" Addison knew he wasn't and she knew why.

"I'm alright, no you know what, I'm not alright Addison, the woman I love is leaving..." Derek yells at her, before knowing what he had to do. Derek ran out the hospital, and into his car, before driving out of the hospital parking lot.

He needed to stop her from leaving, he needed to give her a reason to stay, and he needed to show her that he loved her and not Addison. Derek didn't notice the light at the intersection changing to red, and the other truck coming through the intersection until it smashed into him, as he became unconscious the last thing he saw was Meredith's face.

**Please Read and Review.**


	2. The Return

**Two years later  
**  
Meredith Grey had finally landed at Seattle-Tacoma airport; she couldn't believe that she was back in Seattle, after her daughter was born she promised herself that she would never return to Seattle. However she did promise the chief when she left that she would return. Meredith wandered how difficult it would be to see him, the man she still loved so much, the father of her daughter, and how she would manage working with him every day knowing what they once shared and that he wouldn't remember her or them, the thought of it made her want to cry.

"Meredith...Meredith" she heard Izzie voice calling her, and pulling her in for a hug.

"I am so glad you are home, Mer, so mu..." Izzie trailed off when she saw a small dark hair curly little girl stood next to her.

"My, my, who is this" Izzie said getting on her knees, to see her bright blue eyes staring back at her.

"Iz this is my daughter Ava"

"Oh my...Meredith, is that why you left?" Izzie said gently, watched has Meredith picked up her little girl.

"I couldn't stay Iz...it wasn't an option at the time"

"Is that why Derek chased you to the airport that night"

"Izzie what are you talking about?" Meredith asked her, confused by what she meant.

"Oh...nothing"

"Izzie, please tell me?"

"What exactly has Cristina told you about Derek? And what happened when you left?"

"Cristina hasn't told me anything, what I know about Derek came from the chief"

"Well, I will explain on the way home" Izzie said grabbing Meredith's bags and walking through the airport. Once Meredith got Ava strapped into the chair, Meredith could tell that her little girl was tired, since Ava started drifting off to sleep as soon as the door closed.

"So, Izzie"

"Derek has amnesia, Mer, the night you left, so I heard from Addison at the time, that he was on the way to the airport to stop you from leaving, and he was involved in a head on collision, Derek was in a coma for four months. I am afraid that Derek has no recollection of you, Mer"

"I know Iz, Richard informed me, that is what helped me to make my decision to return"

"How are you going to explain Ava, she is the spitting image of her father" Izzie asked her, knowing that it is obvious who Ava's father is.

"I honestly don't know, but he doesn't remember us, so it should keep the connection oblivious"

"And if he clicks on Mer?"

"Iz, why would he? He doesn't remember us, and if he did I will think of something"

"Meredith, Derek loved you, I noticed how he looked at you and I have never once seen him look at Addison in that way. A love like that isn't forgotten Mer, especially not when the man is still in love with you, whether he remembers you or not"

"We will see okay Iz" Meredith said trying not to felt what her heart said at the mention of Derek might still love her. "Look I need to go to the hospital and see the chief, could you have Ava for me"

"Mer, i have work, otherwise..."

"No it's fine, I will just have to hope that I don't run into Derek or Addison"

"Or Sloan"

"Sloan, As in Mark Sloan, Derek's ex best friend"

"Yep" Izzie said quickly. "What do you mean Derek ex best friend, they are best friends, Mer"

"Mark...as in the one who slept with Addison that Mark" Meredith is shocked. "I guess they are taking advantage of Derek's memory loss"

"Sloan, slept with the she-shepherd" Izzie said shocked.

"Sorry, you weren't suppose to know that" Meredith said to her.

"Don't worry I won't say anything"

"Please don't, especially since Derek doesn't know"

"I promise" Izzie assured her, pulling up outside Meredith old house, Izzie takes Meredith bags in and put them up in her room, while Meredith gets Ava out of the car.

"Mama"

"Mama here...I've got you"

"Mama...home" Ava said, looking around at her surroundings.

"Yeah we are home"

"Dada" Ava said innocently bringing tears to Meredith's eye, knowing how excited Ava was to see her daddy and especially knowing that he wouldn't remember her.

"Yeah baby...dada" Meredith said to her daughter.


	3. Back to Seattle Grace

**Happy Pancake Day, and here is the next chapter, I am feeling generous today.**

Several hours later, Meredith arrived at Seattle Grace, and she parked her jeep. And she got Ava out of the car and into her arms, in the distance she could see Derek and who she assumed was Mark Sloan laughing. Her breath caught in her throat, as their eyes met across the parking lot for the first time in two years, only she could see his eyes was wondering who she was. Once they disappeared into the hospital, Meredith found herself clinging on to her little girl.

"Mama"

"Mama fine baba" Meredith told her daughter, placing the hat over her daughter's dark curls, hoping that she wouldn't pull it off. Meredith entered the hospital and walked straight onto the elevator, only to find Addison already in it.

"Dr Grey" Addison greeted her politely, not hiding her surprise at seeing Meredith.

"Dr Montgomery-Shepherd" Meredith said as Ava pulled her hat off.

"Mama...no..." Ava told her mom.

"Ava, keep your hat on" Meredith told her daughter.

"My Meredith, you sure kept that a secret" Addison said, stopping the elevator, Meredith braced herself for some harsh words.

"Dr Shepherd, I have no idea what you are talking about" Meredith tried to brush her off.

"Meredith, I can tell that she is Derek's daughter, she has his eyes and hair, which obviously you know"

"Look Dr Shepherd...Ava is my daughter and no one else. She is my baby"

"Meredith you might not believe me, I don't want to hurt you but I know Derek daughter when I see her, so please don't lie to me"

"I'm sorry Addison, but I can assure you Derek will not find out, but he might want to know about you and Mark" Meredith said to Addison, wanting to show Addison that she could play dirty if she wanted too, Addison's face lit up in surprise. "Yeah, Derek told me, just after you came to Seattle, but I guess he doesn't remember, since he doesn't remember me"

"Meredith...Please?" Addison practically begged her, Meredith wanted to make her beg, but she knew that she needed to be the bigger person.

"Don't worry Addison, I am not going to say anything, it not like he would believe me anyway" Meredith said has the door opened to the surgical floor, she pushed past Addison before turning back to her. "You secret is safe with me Addison" Meredith said as the elevator doors closed. Meredith walked past the nurse's station and knew that they were whispering about her, and the little girl she held in her arms.

"Grey" she heard Bailey say, as she almost walked right into her former resident.

"Dr Bailey" Meredith said with a smile, glad to see her former resident.

"Meredith, welcome back, the chief told me, it is about time you returned"

"Sorry..."

"So this is why you stayed away so long"

"Yep, well it for the best at the time"

"You didn't know did you?" Bailey said, Meredith knowing exactly what she talking about.

"Not until recently...Richard told me before I agreed to come back"

"You are meeting the chief?"

"I am"

"Would you like me to take...?"

"Ava" Meredith told her.

"Ava, while you meet the chief?"

"Are you sure?"Meredith asked her.

"Grey...Give me your daughter and go and meet the chief"

"Ava"

"Mama"

"Say hello to Dr Bailey"

"Ailey" Ava said holding her arms out to Bailey, before Bailey takes her off, her mother.

"Ava, look at Mama. Be good for Aunt Bailey"

"Av, be goo" she said to her mother.

"Yes, Av, be good"

"Be good" Ava said as Meredith gave her daughter a kiss on the head.

"Thanks Bailey" Meredith said giving her daughter one last kiss before she headed to the chief's office. The meeting with the chief took about 30 minutes, she signed her forms, and the chief gave her, her lab coat and hospital ID, before welcoming her back to Seattle Grace.

"Richard, I appreciate this"

"Meredith, I have always felt responsible for you, and beside your mother would want you here. She would be proud of you"

"I don't know about that chief"

"Meredith, your mom might have never showed it but she did love you and she was proud of you"

"Thank you" Meredith said leaving Richard's office, and walking forward the nurse's desk on the surgical floor. Meredith stopped dead in her tracks when she saw him, bent down talking to their daughter. Dr Bailey mouthed sorry to her, Meredith shook her head, she remembered how good Derek was with children. For a moment Meredith let herself believe that it wasn't a secret and that Derek knew that Ava was his little girl, she could see how much her daughter looked like her father, before snapping out of it at the sound of her daughter's voice.

"Mama, mama" Ava ran over to her holding her arms up, Meredith was aware of the silence around them, and the eyes of the nurse's watching them and for Derek's sake she couldn't give into it.

"You must be this beautiful little girl's mother" Derek said, flashing her his Mcdreamy smile, the one that her daughter had inherited, and that she couldn't say no to, and so she was screwed.

"Meredith Grey" Meredith held her hand out to him, trying not to make eye contact with him. Derek took her hand and Meredith tried to ignore the electric shock that ran up her arm, at his touch. To Derek their touch, it felt familiar, but he had never met her, but he found that he doesn't want to let her go.

"Right, fourth year resident, Richard told me you will be finishing the rest of your residency here" Derek said, still holding her hand, he loosened his grip, but wouldn't let her hand go. Meredith had other ideas and used the opportunity to pull her hand away.

"I am" Meredith simply told him.

"Derek Shepherd, head of neuro" Derek said to her.

"I will be working under you, Dr Shepherd" Meredith said holding on to her daughter, trying to fight the memories of his hands roaming over her body as they made love.

"Mama, dada?" Ava said.

"Dada not here baba" Meredith told her daughter.

"Her father not around?" Derek asked her, Meredith looked away from him, unable to look him in the eye.

"Not exactly, Dr Shepherd. I really need to get her home" Meredith said, looking anywhere else but at him. Derek can't help but wonder why she wouldn't look at him.

"See you soon, Dr Grey" Derek said giving her the mcdreamy smile.

"Meredith" she heard Izzie shout, and for once Meredith was relieved, but also didn't want Derek to know that she had previously worked here. Derek's pager went off, and as he left, Meredith felt relieved. When Derek left Dr Grey and her daughter he felt like a piece of him was missing, when he first saw Ava with Bailey a part of him felt like he knew her, despite the fact that he had never seen her before. But meeting Ava's mother, Dr Meredith Grey, he felt like he knew her, he felt complete and holding her hand felt like a electric shock but not wanting to let her go, there was something familiar about her, and he couldn't put his finger on it. Once entering the ER, Derek forgot about Meredith and Ava Grey.

"Izzie" Meredith said as Izzie pulled her in for a hug. "Thank you" Meredith whispered in her ear.

"No worries" Iz whispered back. "Hey Ava"

"Iz, dada?"

"Dada, not here baby, would you like to see Uncle Alex?"

"Ye" Ava said.

"Mer..."

"We really should get home Iz" Meredith told her, not wanting to spend any more time at the hospital, then she had too.

"It's only for lunch Meredith and besides George and Alex would love to see Ava, they haven't seen her in a while"

"Iz, invite them over to the house tonight, I really don't want to spend any more time here

until I have too. I just want to take my daughter home" Meredith said to her, Izzie looked at her and could tell that Meredith wouldn't change her mind.

"Okay, Mer, take my car, and I will get Alex to drop me home"

"Thank you Izzie" Meredith said, before leaving her in the hallway, Meredith just wanted to go home.


	4. First Day Pt 1

**This is showing my lack of self control, considering how well this story seems to be doing so far. Once a week is the basic that you will get update providing , if i can update more than i will. So here is the next one, and this has Derek **_**remembering**_** something, all flashbacks/memories are in **_**italtics**_** and these will occurs in most updates from now on. I have to thank Sheery (Derek&Meredithloveseachother) for her transcripts of episodes( over on the surgical language board), although i have changed them, when incorporating them into the story.**

The next day was her first day back at Seattle Grace; Meredith was stood outside the hospital, holding Ava in her arms, just as Derek walked over to her, ignoring Mark.

"Meredith" Derek said gently.

"Dr Shepherd" Meredith said turning around to greet her ex boyfriend/boss.

"Are you planning on walking into the building, Dr Grey" Derek asked her giving her his trademark smile, the smile that she couldn't say no to. "Of course I do, it's just weird"

"Entering a building that you don't know"

"Kind of" Meredith said, noticing Addison walking towards them. Derek only noticed Addison after she had given him a kiss on the cheek.

"Addison, this is Dr Grey, my new resident"

"Nice to meet you Dr Montgomery-Shepherd" Meredith said, not noticing Derek frowning at her, knowing that he had never introduced Addison to Meredith, he didn't remembering them meeting.

"We met yesterday" Addison to explain why Meredith greeted her by her name.

"Oh...right" Derek said quietly, something clicked in his head, and he could feel her lips against his.

_Derek turns around to face Meredith and she snaps. Dropping her folders and pushes Derek against the wall of the elevator and kisses him. They start making out as the elevator goes up the floors. The elevator bings and they break apart. As the doors opens, Meredith is picking the files up from the floor while Dr. Shepherd just stands there. She hurries out of the elevator. As the other doctors get on Derek gets a bit flustered by the situation._

"We'll talk later?" Derek called out after her, has the elevator doors closed.

Derek could hear Addison calling his name, which brought him back to the present.

"Sorry" Derek said to his wife.

"I have to go, I will see you at lunchtime" Addison said leaning forwards and giving her husband a kiss on the cheek, before giving Meredith a small smile and walking into the hospital.

"I have to get Ava to day-care, so I will see ya" Meredith said quickly, recognising the look on Derek's face. As Meredith walked away from him, he felt cold, and found that, even though this was the only second time that he had seen Meredith, standing next to her made him feel less alone.

Meredith hated leaving Ava in day-care, she hated leaving her period, she was the only thing that she had left of Derek, the love of her life, and pretending that she doesn't feel how she felt about him was hard, she had only seen him twice since she had gotten back, but all she wanted to do was reach out and touch him, kiss him and tell him that she loved him, always had and that she always will. She knew that she would be spending a lot of time working under him, and she had spent the past two years missing him, and she still missed him. By the time Meredith had gotten up to the surgical floor she was a few minutes late, not what she wanted to be on her first day back.

"Grey" she heard Bailey call her name, Meredith quickly turned around to face her former resident.

"Dr Bailey, sorry I'm late I had a hard time settling Ava into day care"

"Meredith, it fine, I thought you might be interested in meeting your interns, this is Dr Sophie Newton, Dr Ryan Jackson, Dr Lucy Gibbons, Dr Martin Clover and Dr Amy Shepherd"

"Shepherd?"

"Yes, i am Dr Shepherd's sister"

"Which one?" Meredith asked her already knowing the answer; she was the spitting image of her daughter, knowing that it would only lead to questions being asked.

"Derek" Amy replied.

"Right" Meredith said, Bailey watched her former intern closely and noticed that look of panic of her eyes.

"Okay go to your assignments, you first shift with Dr Grey will start tomorrow" Bailey grabs Meredith by the arm and leads her into the nearest on call room. "Meredith, you need calm down" Bailey noticing that Meredith was having trouble breathing.

"I...Can't..." Meredith said, gasping for breath.

"Yes you can Meredith, you need to calm down think about your little girl downstairs" Bailey told her, rubbing her back. After a few minutes, Meredith managed to calm down her breathing.

"Sorry"

"I didn't think what meeting Derek sister what do to you, I'm sorry Meredith"

"Bailey no...it just Ava is the spitting image of her father, and evidently her aunt, someone is going to find out, and I can't let that happen"

"Meredith, so what if Derek did find out? Would it be so bad? You clearly still love him"

"He doesn't remember me, or what Addison and Mark did. I can't do that to him"

"Meredith...I am going to tell you something. Since the accident, he has not been the Derek that we all know, even though he doesn't remember you on the surface, I think deep down he does. When he saw you yesterday, he eyes lit up, in a way that I haven't seen since before Addison turned up, when he was with you"

"You know he begged me to stay" Meredith said with tears running down her face. "If I did he wouldn't have chased me to the airport, and the accident would have never happen"

"Meredith...you can't think like that. Just know this, he loved you Meredith, I might not have been supportive of your relationship but I do know when he looked at you and saw you, he loved you"

"Thank you Bailey"

"Meredith, if you need to talk you know where I am...and not to mention the idiot talks to me too" Meredith laughed.

"Thanks Bailey"

"Right you better get going before you attending comes searching for you" Bailey said standing up and leaving Meredith alone in the on call room, she gave herself a few minutes to pull herself together because going off to find Derek.


	5. First Day Pt 2

**It will be a fewday before the next update, I need to work on an update for LKNB, because I post the next chapter. **

It was the end of her first shift, she knew it was going to be hard, to spend so much time around Derek, but it wasn't as bad as she thought it was going to be. She found that they quickly slipped into their old ways in the OR, working together instinctively; she heard some of the nurse's whispering about it, she could only hope that it didn't reach Derek ears, because there were some questions that she really didn't want to answer. It did unnerve her slightly, and every so often, she felt his eyes on her, and she couldn't help but smile gently under her mask, his look still gave her a sense of comfort, and she would bask in that, even if she couldn't be with him. Once the surgery was over and they were left alone in the scrub room, and the OR was empty, Meredith could feel the tension in the air between them, Meredith had noticed that he had been given her their look, not that he would remember it, but it made her want to jump him whether he remembered her or not, she quickly scrubbed out, trying not to make eye contact with Derek, and quickly rushed out of the scrub room before he could stop her.

**Derek POV**

Derek was looking forward to working with Meredith... 'No Dr Grey' he reminded himself. Once he got into the scrub room and saw Dr Grey already in the OR he couldn't help but smile, and has he entered the OR he said his trademark saying;

"It is a beautiful day to save lives; lets gave some fun" causing Meredith to smirk underneath her mask but keeping her head down so that Derek didn't notice.

Derek was surprise to find out; how well they worked together, he couldn't ever remember a time where he was so in sync with anyone especially not his best friend or his wife, and it threw him.

During the surgery Derek tried to ignore the whispering of his surgical staff, he felt as if people was stepping on egg shells around him, and he didn't know why. Every time he looked over at Meredith, she would look away from him, and he didn't know why but it annoyed him.

Once the surgery was over and he found himself alone with her in the scrub room, he wanted to reach out and touch her, press his lips against her, until he didn't remember his own name, when she rushed out of the scrub room, he wanted to rush after her, but he knew how bad that would look, he was married for god sake and he loved his wife, but there was something about Dr Grey.

_Meredith is outside, swaying drunkenly and drinking. Derek stands watching her._

"You know, in some states, you could get arrested for that" he says to her, watching her has she walks towards him.

" So you blew me off for a bottle of tequila. Tequila's no good for ya. It doesn't call. It doesn't write. It isn't nearly as much fun to wake up to" Derek finds himself saying, remembering their discussion earlier at the nurse's station. Meredith smile, the smile that makes him weak at the knees and when pulls him in for a kiss, all reasoning goes out of the windows, and Derek deepens the kiss, before Meredith pulls away slightly.

"Take me for a ride, Derek" she says to him, he smiles at her and taking her by the hand leads her over to his car.

She quickly entered the residents lounge and closed the door behind her, not realising that someone was in there.

"Dr Grey, are you alright?" she heard someone say, Meredith opened her eyes finding herself looking into his eyes, Meredith breath caught, noting that his sister had the exactly same colour eyes.

"I am fine thanks Dr Shepherd" Meredith says tensely.

"If it helps you can call me Amy, I know it's going to be confusing having three Dr Shepherd's in the hospital"

"It's fine. What are you doing in here?"

"I was getting something for Dr Stevens"

"Oh...well you better get back to Izzie" Meredith said to her, watching as Amy walked out of the locker room, Meredith slid down the door and onto the floor.

* * *

Meredith climbed onto the elevator, glad that the day was over with; all she wanted to do was go and get her daughter, go home and cuddle with her, she felt a sigh of relief to find the elevator empty, the last people she wanted to bump into was Derek and Addison. She leant back against the rail of the elevator just as someone placed a hand between the doors to prevent them from closing, and on walked Derek, followed closely by Mark.

"Meredith" Derek greeted her with their look, Meredith cursed under her breath, wanting to yell at him for giving her their look, but she knew that he didn't mean it. "Are you heading home?"

"I am about to pick my daughter up from day care, and then heading home"

"How is Ava?"

"She is good thank you Dr Shepherd"

"Well, we are heading down to day-care to pick up Josh, so we will walk with you" Derek said, Meredith felt her heart drop, at the thought of him and Addison having a baby, Meredith could feel the tears springing in her eyes as she fought off the tears. Why hadn't any of her friends thought to tell her, especially as that would mean Ava would have a little brother, and no matter what she wouldn't want Ava to miss out on that.

Meredith never noticed Mark watching her intently, and noting that Meredith was near tears. Knowing what she had assumed, he actually felt sorry for her. Mark could see how much she was hurting, how much she loved Derek, and even watching his best friend looking at Dr Grey, he saw something in his eyes that he had never seen before. Mark had always written Meredith off has a slutty intern like the rest of Derek's family, but he could see it was more than that to Meredith and even to Derek, who didn't remember her.

"Derek sister Amy asked us to pick up her little boy Joshua, since she is on call with Addison tonight", Mark said, noticing the sigh of relief and a small smile etch across her face, her eyes met his blue eyes and she found the world stopped just like it did when they were together.

* * *

Derek noticed Meredith climbing onto the elevator and quickly stopped the doors from closing and stepped into the elevator, he didn't know why but he felt himself drawn to her.

"Meredith, are you heading home?" he found that he needed to talk to her and found that he couldn't look away from her.

"I am about to pick my daughter up from day care, then I am heading home" Derek remembered the little girl so vividly, and Meredith mentioning that the father wasn't around.

"How is Ava?"

"She is really good thanks Dr Shepherd"

"Well, we are heading down to day-care to pick up Josh, so we will walk with you" Derek wasn't sure why but in that moment Meredith looked totally heartbroken, and he didn't know why, Josh was his nephew, and when he heard Mark explaining that fact, Derek was confused especially when he noticed the small smile that covered Meredith's face. She was so beautiful when she smiled, and when she lifted her head up and caught his eyes, he felt himself being drawn and it felt so natural as if these were the eyes of his soul mate.

The dinging of the elevator brought them both back to reality.

Meredith rushed past Derek and Mark, wanting to get out of that elevator as quick as possible; it was all just too hard. Once she reached the day care centre she greeted Katie, and went call out to Ava, who looked up and gave her mom a huge smile, her father's smile.

"Mama" she called out as she ran toward her mother. "Miss me"

"More than you know, baba"

"wub you mama"

"I love you too baby" Meredith whispered back to her daughter, running her fingers through her daughter's curls, she could feel his eyes on her, and the feeling made her want to melt into his arms.

"Hi" Ava said waving at Derek.

"Hi Ava" Derek said back to her, Meredith took a deep breath before turning to face him.

"Ava we are going home now."

"Mama pay..."

"Mommy will play with you" Meredith said grabbing her bag, Ava leant forward and held her arms out to Derek.

"Dada" Ava said innocently. Meredith gasped, her heart beating a mile a minutes.

"I'm sorry Dr Shepherd, she has been doing that a lot lately" Meredith lied, she saw the soft look in Derek's eyes, like he was looking at Ava as his daughter, and it scared her. "Drs Sloan, Shepherd, I will see you tomorrow" Meredith said quickly, rushing pass them again, but this time Derek reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Please don't touch me, Derek, please let me go" she said so sadly that it broke Derek's heart, he let her go, and suddenly he remembered something.

"_Meredith, is everything alright?" Derek questioned her holding on to her arm, Meredith quickly withdraw her arm, like she had received an electric shock._

"_That is none of your business DR Shepherd" _

"_Meredith..."_

"_Dr Shepherd, it is Dr Grey to you" Meredith said coldly._

"_Mer..." Derek said, and Meredith winced as he called her by her shortened name, like he used too, before he chose her._

"_Dr Shepherd, until i leave Seattle, you will call me Dr Grey, and only if you have too, otherwise I don't want to hear from you unless it is for a professional reason" Meredith said, tears threatening to fall, before quickly walking away from him. Derek stood there watching her, confused at what she meant about leaving._


	6. Breaking Confidentiality

**This update you guys are either going to love me or hate me. Enjoy!**

For the rest of the week, Meredith barely saw Derek, having been working with her interns, and working alongside several other neurosurgeons in his department, Meredith was grateful. It was nice to have the time away from him, allowing her time to sort herself out before working alongside him the next day, it was going to be her first solo procedure at Seattle Grace, and a part of her was happy it was going to be under Derek's supervision, since if it wasn't for him, she would never have gone into neuro.

Meredith was giving Ava her tea, just as the doorbell went, she wasn't expecting anyone, and she wondered who it was. As she went to answer it, she saw Derek; stood on her porch, she wondered what he wanted.

"Dr Shepherd, what...what are you doing here?"

"Can I come in please?"

"Of course Dr Shepherd" Meredith said standing aside. "We will have to go into the kitchen I am just feeding Ava"

"Meredith...Please call me Derek"

"Okay" Meredith said leading him into the kitchen where Ava was making a mess already covered in banana. "Ava look at you, we have made a mess tonight" Meredith said to her daughter, Derek was watching her closely, he didn't know why but a part of him wished that Ava was his daughter, it didn't make sense because he hadn't known either of them long, he just knew that he couldn't get Meredith or Ava out of his head, the last few days, not since that day Ava called him dada.

"I just need to give her a bath, do you mind waiting?"

"Of course not Meredith" Derek said giving her a smile, Meredith walked out holding her daughter close to her.

While Meredith was bathing Ava, Derek walked into the lounge, this seemed to be the most familiar room to him, and he looked at the photos and saw some of her, Yang, Stevens, Karev and O'Malley from what he guessed was their intern year, and another photo of Meredith, laughing with someone but it was obvious that the other person had been cut out, but he could tell that she was happy, and there was a sparkle in her eyes. He moved away and looked at a photo that has obviously been taken just after Meredith had given birth, holding a little Ava.

"Hey" Meredith said quietly from the doorway, trying to fight off the memories of their first night together.

"Where's Ava?"

"She fell asleep while I was bathing her. What do you want Derek? How did you find out where I lived?"

"I will admit I might have sneaked a look at your personal file"

"Isn't that breaking some confidentiality laws Dr Shepherd" Meredith said playfully falling back to her old ways with him, for a moment she just wanted to remember what that was like.

"Yeah, but oddly I don't care" Derek said smiling at her, as he walked over to her, standing right in front of her, Meredith so badly wanted to move away but found herself rooted to the spot, and staring into his gaze, she recognised the dark in his eyes, it was the way he looked at her, when he was about to kiss her. Meredith knew she needed to stop this, but she couldn't, it wasn't until his lips met hers that she found the strength to pull away.

"Dr Shepherd, we...can't...married...not" Meredith rambled, stepping away from him, she turned away until Derek grabbed her arm, and pulled her so she looked at him.

"Meredith...I'm sorry...that wasn't meant to happen, but I find myself drawn to you"

"Derek...your married...I can't do it not again" Meredith said not meeting his eyes. Derek cupped her face, and lifted it up until he could see her eyes, he noticed the unfallen tears.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to remind you. I guess you are talking about Ava's father" Derek said gently, Meredith simply nodded, not trusting herself to speak. "You don't deserve that Meredith" he told her, as she finally broke down. Derek held her closely letting her sob in his arms and for the first time in two years Meredith let herself be comforted, by the man that had hurt her the most, and that made this situation so much harder, but she let herself forgot all the pain and allows herself to escape in the embrace of the man she loved so much.

"I never knew he was married, otherwise I wouldn't have gone out with him, I am not a home wrecker" Mer told him, even though it was him that she was talking about, she didn't want him to think that she was.

"Meredith, I didn't mean..."

"Derek...stop..." Meredith said pulling away from him, and Derek found that he felt cold. "You came over here for a reason, Derek, what was it?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay, you looked upset and panicked when Ava called me dada earlier"

"I'm sorry Derek, I didn't mean to worry you, it just freaked me out a bit, you remind me of him, that all" Meredith said with a small smile.

"Okay, well I better go, i see you in the morning, big day for you tomorrow" Derek said with a smile

"Yeah"

"See you tomorrow Dr Grey" Derek said walking out of the house, Meredith waiting until he heard his car drive away, before breaking down once again, she never heard Izzie walking into the house, and come over and place an arm around her, letting her cry.

"Iz, I miss him so much"

"I know Mer"

"He was here"

"I thought I saw his car drive away"

"I think I made a mistake coming back here, I don't know if I can handle this"

"Mer...I know we aren't Derek but we are all here for you, we all love having you and Ava home"

"Thanks Izzie" Meredith said gratefully once the tears had stopped flowing.

"Would you like a drink?" Izzie asked her, Meredith laughed.

"Thanks but I can't, not when Ava is home"

"We need a night out in Joe's to welcome you home"

"Iz, I have no one to have Ava"

"I think Bailey might, she loved Ava the other day at the hospital"

"I'll think about it Izzie, I've never left Ava before"

"I know, but at some point you will start dating again, she needs to learn that you can't always be there"

"Izzie, I am not going to leave Ava with nannies like my mom did"

"Mer...I'm not saying you have too, but you also need a life outside of your daughter"

"She is all I got Izzie" Meredith said.

"No Mer, you have us too"

"I know that, but she is my air, just like her father used to be, when I left, I never thought I would be able to survive, in that two months Izzie, he became everything to me, and to leave him was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and until the day I held our little girl in my arms, the pain never stopped. She is the only reason I am still breathing Izzie. I never used to be like this, pining over a man and sometimes I hate it, but he made believe in love Izzie, for the first time in my life, he made me believe in love. Don't you think I want to move on Izzie, but then I keep thinking what if he didn't get in an accident on the way to the airport, what if he did stop me" Meredith said the tears running down her face.

"Mer...You didn't know..."

"But I did Iz"

"What do you mean Mer?"

"I found out about Derek about two months after I left, after he was transferred out of Seattle Grace, and into the private clinic, Addison called me, I guess the chief let her have my number, and I came to Seattle to see him.

"Why did you leave?, Not come home"

"I was scared Izzie, I left, and I didn't know what would happen when he woke up, I was pregnant at the time four months, but luckily I was small enough that Addison didn't notice, even when he woke up when I was six months pregnant, nobody knew, and when Derek didn't remember me, I knew couldn't stay here. I loved him enough to walk away Izzie, and I made the right choice, I didn't want to upset him or scare him and I still don't"

"What about Ava, Mer? One day she is going to start asking questions, and then what are you going to tell her?"

"The truth Izzie, I am not going to lie to my daughter but I'm not going to rock his world either, if I say anything about us being together then he will ask questions about Addison, and I am not going to hurt him like that again, I can't, I love him too much. Please try and understand Izzie"

"I do Mer, more than you realise, one day I will tell you but I am just not ready to discuss it yet"

"Thanks Iz" Meredith said gratefully.


	7. Thinking It Over

**This is unbeta'd, as my friend friend who beta's this fic for me is in hospital. So look out for any wrong grammer, has my grammer is not so good. Here is the next update. Enjoy!**

After leaving Meredith's, Derek found himself just driving and before he knew it is found himself on the middle of Bainbridge Island, looking at a silver air stream trailer, he had never been to Bainbridge Island before but it seemed so familiar to him, just like Meredith's house had. Derek couldn't put his finger on it, but everything about Meredith seemed familiar, kissing her felt right, he had never felt so confused. He knew because of the accident he was missing six months of his life, but he would never cheat on his wife, he accepted the fact that he wasn't in love with her but he did love her, and respected his marriage vows.

He realised that the flashes he had; contained Meredith, but he have never met her before she came to Seattle Grace, and he didn't understand why, he needed to know why so he had decided to go and see her; maybe he could asked her; but once arrived their he felt overwhelmed and was scared to ask her. He knew that he couldn't approach Addison or Mark, he was aware of how much closer they had became since his accident, and he didn't want to worry either of them.

He found himself walking closer to the trailer, not sure why but it felt familiar, he was about to put his hand on the door handle, when his cell rang, he quickly answered it not looking at the caller ID.

"Derek Shepherd"

"Derek, where are you?" he heard the voice of his wife.

"Sorry Addison, i got pulled in for a consult, I'll be home soon"

"Okay, well Amy is here, I'll see you soon, love you"

"Me too, bye" Derek said, not really registering what Addison had said, after hanging up, he looked over the land before him before climbing back into his car. Derek took a quick look over to the trailer once again before placing the jeep in neural and driving away from the trailer, feeling like he had left a part of himself behind.

Derek finally arrived at the town house where he and Addison lived, as he parked he noticed his sister's car parked, and she was the last person at the moment that he wanted to see, sure he loved his sister, but she knew him to well, the last thing that he wanted was to face her tonight. He slowly climbed out of his car, and head towards the home he shared with Addison, as he opened the door, he wasn't surprised to see Josh waiting for him and he threw his arms around his uncles waist.

"Uncle Derek, i missed you"

"I miss you too, where is mommy and Aunty Addison"

"Kitchen...they said a...dult con..." Josh paused, trying to remember what his mommy told him.

"Adult conversation" Derek said to his nephew.

"Yeah...Uncle Derek...me have new best fried...Ava...she has no daddy like me"

"Is that right?"

"Ava petty, I am going to merry her" Josh told his uncle

"Is that right" Derek said with a smile, _just like her mother_ Derek added silently. Josh nodded at him, Derek place a kiss to the top of his nephew head, just before he ran off to play again.

"Derek, is that you?" he heard his wife say from the kitchen. Has he entered kitchen he saw his wife and his sister sat at the table with a glass of wine each. Derek came over to Amy and gave her a kiss on the cheek, before helping himself to a beer from the fridge.

"Where have you been Derek?" Addison asked him.

"At the hospital" Derek said automatically, feeling a little too comfortable with the lie, than he would like to admit too.

"Oh right" Addison said, not quite believing him.

"I am going up to have a shower, and then I have some paperwork I need to finish" Derek said walking out of the kitchen.

Amy watched the two of them and could see the strain between them, she had noticed it on and off since she moved to Seattle, they weren't happy before Derek left for Seattle, and their relationship since the accident had gone back to that, with Derek spending more time at the hospital than at home with Addison, she wanted to tell Derek the truth about Addison and Mark's affair, but she couldn't break his heart like that. She hated both Addison and Mark for deceiving Derek, but was aware that so was she, and she hated seeing her older brother so unhappy.

Amy had seen a bit of the old Derek return since Dr Grey had come back to Seattle, even though Derek couldn't remember Meredith. Amy noticed the sparkle slowly coming back to his eyes. Having worked with Dr Grey over the past week, she could see why Derek fell in love with her and she had always refused to call Meredith, Derek's slutty intern like the rest of her family did, she knew her brother, and knew that he made his own choices. Amy hoped that with Meredith being back in Seattle, she would re-stir old feelings in Derek and it seemed to her that she already had. She was the only member of the family that Derek had stayed in contact with when he first came to Seattle, so she knew exactly what happened between him and Meredith, and that he was much happier in those two month he had spent with Meredith, then in the eleven years that he had been married to Addison.

Once in the shower, Derek let the water run over him, thinking about Meredith. He couldn't believe he kissed her earlier, and he was grateful that Meredith had the sense to pull away from him, before he did something that he regretted, but it had hurt, and he couldn't explain why. There was this connection that he felt to her, something that made him want to reach out and pulled in his arms, and kiss her, and he couldn't even explain it to himself; let alone anyone else. As he finally got out of the shower, and he left all thought of Meredith behind, it was too confusing, he reminded himself that he was married, and that he loved Addison, he just needed to view Meredith Grey as a colleague and nothing else.


	8. Dr Shepherd, Dr Grey

**I want to say a thank you to my new beta Heather (Mcdreamydreamsof me), make sure you check out her awesome fics, and i promise Heather i will get caught up soon.**

**Enjoy!**

Meredith was in a patient's room with her interns when Derek walked in. It had been two weeks since Meredith's encounter with Derek at her house, and she had managed to avoid Derek mainly since then, expect for a the odd case, where she had to work aside him, there was only so much she could avoid him with him being her boss, her teacher.

"Good Morning Dr Grey...what have you got for me?" Derek said walking into the room and standing on the opposite side of the bed away from Meredith and her interns. He kept his eyes on the chart in front of him, trying not to stare at her. He couldn't but notice how beautiful she looked in her scrubs and her tied back in a messy ponytail.

"Dr. Shepherd," Meredith greeted him, before turning to her interns. "Who's presenting?"

"Louise Carter, 44 year old female, admitted last night, after suffering seizures, given a CT, which showed a mass in her cerebrum," Amy offered up.

"Dr. Grey, what is the suspected diagnosis?"

"Oligodendrogliomas, the most common of symptoms is seizures, occasionally with headaches, weaknesses and sometimes changes in behaviour."

"How do I make the diagnosis?"

"With a CT or MRI, the tumour should present with some form of calcification, to confirm diagnosis is with exploratory surgery."

"Have you ever seen one of these?"

"No Dr. Shepherd"

"Well, Mrs. Carter, I and Dr. Grey will be performing the operation today. I have scheduled it for 1pm. Do you have any questions?" Derek asked the patient.

"No."

"Okay, i will see you in the OR."

Meredith was stood at the nurse's station filling out charts when she felt him stood behind her. Meredith closed her eyes before asking him.

"Dr. Shepherd, what can I do for you?"

"You know, you have interns for that," said Derek, standing behind her, his breath on her neck, for a moment is transported Meredith back to two years before.

"How about joining me for lunch?" he whispered in her ear, his breath sending tingling feeling down her neck.

"Dr. Shepherd, that is not appropriate, and I think your wife might have a problem with us having lunch together."

"Dr. Grey, it is just the head of neuro, wanting to get to know his new resident, that he had heard good things about over lunch...my wife will have no problem," Derek assured her.

"Sorry Dr. Shepherd, I have already arranged to meet Dr. Yang and Dr. Stevens, but thanks for the offer," Meredith told him.

"Well, maybe another time," Derek said before walking away, not noticing Cristina walking behind her.

"So what did McDreamy want?" Cristina asked her, fully aware that Derek was still in earshot.

"Dr. Shepherd invited me to lunch but I like i told him, I already had plans."

"What if you hadn't?"

"Cris, stop fishing. Derek is no longer a part of my life and Dr. Shepherd is my boss."

"If you say so, Mer"

"I do, tonight we're hitting Joes, for welcome home drinks, so what do you say"

"What about the munckin?" Cristina asked.

"That is already sorted, 9pm tonight Cris, i will see you there," Meredith said, her pager beeping loudly and she quickly left.

"Dr. Shepherd," Meredith said rushing into the room.

"She started seizing, I administered one mg diazepam, which stopped her seizure."

"Take her down for another MRI, and I will find Dr. Shepherd" Meredith told Amy, giving Mrs. Carter a quick neuro exam.

"Of course Dr. Grey," said Amy taking Mrs. Carter out of the room while Meredith quickly wrote in her notes before going to page Derek.

When Derek didn't answer his pages, which Meredith knew he never ignored a page, she went to find him, she found him in his office talking to Addison rather loudly as if they were arguing. She didn't want to disturb them but knew she need too, so she took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

"Come in.," Derek called, noticing Meredith standing in the doorway. "Dr. Grey," he addressed her.

"Sorry to interrupt Drs. Shepherd but our patient has just had another seizures. Dr. Shepherd administered one mg of diazepam and I've ordered another MRI."

"Addison we are finished here," Derek turned around to his wife.

"I guess...don't forget dinner reservations are at 8 o clock, Derek, and your mom is in town"

"Yes Addie, i am perfectly aware. I will meet you, Mark and Amy at the restaurant."

"Fine, I will see you there," Addison sighed walking out of the room, completely ignoring Meredith.

"I am sorry if i came at a bad time, Dr. Shepherd."

"Not at all, Meredith."

"Please it Dr Grey, calling me by my first name is inappropriate."

"Sorry Dr. Grey. How is your daughter?"

"Ava is good thank you Dr. Shepherd...I should get back to my interns, make sure they aren't killing anyone."

"Of course, Dr. Grey, i will see in the scrub room later," Derek said turning away from her as she walked out of his office.


	9. Feelings

**Enjoy!**

The surgery was successful, but ran a little longer than they thought with a few complications; Meredith, Amy and Derek were in the scrub room, scrubbing out. "You did a good job in there Dr. Shepherd," Meredith told Amy.

"Thank you for letting me scrub in, Dr. Grey," Amy said to her resident, knowing that Derek would have never let her scrub in on such a rare procedure, him not wanting to play favouritism.

"Well, you said that you were interested in neuro, Dr. Shepherd, and in your file I noticed you needed the experience, so I thought you might like this chance to scrub in on a rare procedure."

"I did thank you Dr. Grey."

"My pleasure, I am aware how important it is to teach someone who is interested, I had a wonderful teacher myself when I was intern," said Meredith, shooting a quick look over at Derek, before focusing back on her hands. Amy didn't miss the look that Meredith threw at her brother.

"I know, Dr. Grey," Amy said with a smile.

"Dr. Shepherd, are you on call tonight?" Meredith asked her, not missing the day when she had to spend the night at the hospital.

"I am, Dr. Grey," Amy informed her, knowing if she wasn't already on call, would have gladly offered to stay.

"I want you to personally monitor Mrs. Carter overnight, she shouldn't wake until morning, I will inform Dr. Kripke; but Mrs. Carter is your priority, Dr. Shepherd. Please finish up her post op and I will see you in the morning."

"Yes, Dr. Grey," said Amy, before turning to leave.

"Ames," Derek called her name before she was able to walk out of the room.

"Yes?"

"Are you planning to see mom this visit?" Derek questioned, already knowing the answer.

"Why don't you ask her if she planning to see me, Derek? Enjoy your dinner with Addison and Mark tonight," Amy threw at her brother before leaving the scrub room, slamming the door on the way out.

"Dr Shepherd, if you need to go I can finish up" Meredith told him, hoping he took her up on the offer.

"It fine Dr. Grey, I have already inform my mother and Dr. Sloan that I will be late for dinner," said Derek, Meredith noticed that he never mentioned Addison.

"What will your wife have to say about that?" she questioned, reminding herself he was married.

"Let's just say she isn't very happy."

"Somehow I am not surprised," Meredith said, trying her hardest not to glance at him, Derek had noticed over the past few weeks that whenever he mentioned Addison, Meredith avoided looking at him.

"Addie had a few choice words to say," he uttered, watching her closely as she dried her hands. "Would you like to get a drink with me sometime?" Derek blurted out.

"I don't think that'd be a good idea Dr. Shepherd."

"Meredith, I can't explain it but there is something between us…"

"Dr. Shepherd, you are married…and besides, I'm seeing someone," Meredith informed him. She panicked when he said the those words to her, her heart screamed to say yes, but she did the only thing she could she lied, before bolting out of the scrub room.

Derek sighed to himself, he noticed that Meredith never let anything personal out in front of him. He knew that she was keeping something from him, and he just wished that he could remember something, he knew that he was attracted Meredith, but something told him there was a lot more to it than that he felt like. He felt like he knew her, but he couldn't remember hardly anything before his accident.

The last thing he could remember was being in New York, and then waking up in Seattle, but Seattle seemed familiar to him. Meredith seemed even more familiar to him, he wanted answers but he knew Meredith wouldn't give them to him; as she spent most of her time avoiding him. Derek knew he needed to forget Meredith and focus on Addison, but he didn't trust her, and he didn't know why, people were keeping things from him, he knew that, he needed to figure out why.

Derek pulled up outside the restaurant only 30 minutes late, he knew Addison would have something to say when they got home but he just didn't care, Derek knew that if his mom wasn't joining them: he wouldn't have bothered, he would have used work as an excuse. He walked into the restaurant and was shown over to where they were sitting by the maitre'd.

"Sir, what would you like to drink?"

"Double scotch single malt, please," Derek said before pulling his mom in for a hug and pressing a kiss to her cheek. "I missed you mom," he told her

"You have a funny way of showing it."

"I am sorry mom, things have been… busy."

"So Mark and Addison have been telling me," said Carolyn trying not to upset her son, he wasn't the Derek she knew; he was different since his accident, and it worried her that she didn't know her son anymore. She had hoped that him and Addison would repair their marriage but she had no idea what happened between them before he left New York for Seattle, and if it wasn't for Addison calling her two months later to let her know where he was, her son would still be lost to her.

"Amy sends you her love."

"Then where is she?" she asked, knowing her youngest daughter wouldn't have sent her love. Amy had always been different to the rest of her children she had taken her father's death very hard, and she had never been able to reach her.

"Ames is on call tonight, looking after a patient that me and Mer-Dr. Grey operated on today. Have you decided what you are having yet mom?" questioned Derek quickly not noticing the look that his mom gave Addison which made Addison feel rather uncomfortable.

"Yes, I have."

The rest of the evening, Derek spent talking to his mother catching her up on everything with Amy and Josh, barely noticing his wife or Mark for that matter, the whole evening he could imagine introducing Meredith to his mom and sisters. At the end of the evening, Derek offered to drive his mom back to the hotel, and letting Mark driving Addison back to their house, Derek quickly gave his wife a kiss on the cheek, before leaving the restaurant with his mother, once they got in the car, Carolyn quickly asked her son, what was going on with him and Addison.

"I don't know mom; but I think she is keeping something from me."

"Like what?"

"I don't know...but I feel like every I know now is a lie."

"Derek...you lost your memory, it is understandable that you are confused."

"It not that ma… I can't explain it; I love Addison I do; but I feel like there is something more out there for me."

"What do you mean Derek?"

"I always wanted what you and dad had, I know I don't have that Addison, but I feel like I could possibly have it with someone else," he sighed.

"Who?"

"Mom, I love you but please let me figure it out…"

"Derek, I love you. You're my only son and I want you to be happy," Carolyn told him.

"Thanks mom...you should know that Amy is," said Derek, trying to get his mom to talk to his sister.

"Good, I am glad she is, and I am glad that she has you and Addison."

"Mom, you know she hates Addison, she always has."

"I know but they both want what is best for you."

"I know mom," he breathed, trying to placate his mother, he knew Amy wanted the best for him, but Addison he wasn't sure, he was aware there was a closeness between Addison and Mark that was never there before the accident. After dropping his mother off at the hotel, he headed toward Joe's, not quite ready to go home just yet.


	10. Author Note 2

Just a heads up, I am currently working extra hours, and so i haven't had a day off in 8 days, and with rehearsals starting for the next play I am involved with, I am extremely busy, updates will be up as soon as I can write them.

That said I am working on the next updates for both of my fics, but I can't say when I will finish them since I have a lot to do tomorrow on my only day off and I go away overnight on Friday, I hope it will be up soon. Any further update will be posted on my profile.

Thanks for your patience.

Kelly


	11. More than feelings

**Here is the long awaited updated, sorry it took me so long. I hope it is worth the wait. Enjoy! I am aware that this is out of character was Cristina but i am trying to show how things would have been a little bit different if Meredith wasn't around.  
**

Meredith had finished putting on the last of her make up when Cristina called her name through the house.

"I'll be down in a minute, Cris," she yelled down, before running her hands over the black dress that she had on, it was the same black dress she had on the night she met Derek. She quickly called Bailey to find out how Ava was doing, she found it difficult to leave Ava at Bailey's that evening. It was the first time that Meredith had left her with someone else other than Elyse, and that was only when she was on call, and her apartment was only across the road from the hospital in Portland. Once she was satisfied that Ava was okay, she grabbed her handbag of the side before leaving her bedroom, walking down the stairs to find Cristina already hogging a bottle of tequila.

"Cristina, you better not be thinking about leaving that in the house" Meredith warned her.

"God, you are such a bore, since you became a mama," Cris slurred.

"Well, sorry," answered Meredith with a hint of sarcasm.

"It's okay, it is nearly gone anyway."

"Let's go," said Meredith, taking the bottle out of Cristina hand.

"Hey, that's mine!"

"Not anymore, come on let go," Meredith told her, practically pushing her out the door.

* * *

They arrived at Joe's, and Meredith noticed Alex, Izzie and George sat at their usual booth, Izzie waved them over just as Meredith spotted them, Meredith grabbed Cristina arms and pulled her over to their friends, ignore her protestation for wanting to hit the bar first.

"Mere... I need a drink."

"Sit down Cristina," she groaned.

"Yes...mom," Cristina sneered, sitting down.

"Sorry, she was drunk before she got to my house," Meredith told them trying to explain Cristina's behaviour.

"Mer it's fine, unfortunately we are used to this, she has been like this since Burke left," George informed her.

"I had no idea. If I had known it was this bad, I would have come back sooner."

"Mer it's not your fault, we were hoping that Dr. Hunt would pull her out of this funk, but he hasn't."

"I'm sure Cristina will deal with it when she feels able too, so just let her get on with it, I'm going up for a drink, do any of you want one?" Meredith asked them, they all shook their head and Meredith walked over to the bar, not noticing the dark haired man, watching her from the entrance as well as fair headed man from the other side of the bar.

As Derek entered the bar, he noticed Meredith stood at the bar, and watched as a fair-haired man walked over to Meredith and started talking to her, Derek felt a wave a jealously washing over him. He never considered himself a jealous man before, but for some reason he wanted Meredith made him feel that way which he'd never felt towards Addison. He knew it was unfair to compare Meredith Grey, to his wife but he couldn't help it, a big part of him felt more than friendship for Meredith. It confused him considering he didn't know Meredith outside of the hospital but he knew that she was a big part of his life, before the accident. He didn't understand how, but he knew that she was important to him and he wanted her; consequences be damned.

As he watched Meredith, her honey blonde hair cascading down her back, and a black dress that hugged her curves, he remembered something.

"_This is…uh…"_

_"Humiliating on so many levels. You have to go."_

_"Why? Why don't you just come back down here and we'll pick up where we left off?"_

_"No seriously you have to go. I'm late which isn't what you want to be on your first day of work, so…"_

_"So, ah, you actually live here?" he asked, getting dressed._

_"No,"_

_"Oh," he answered, perplexed._

_"Yes... Kind of."_

_"Oh. It's nice... A little dusty... odd. But it's nice. Huh. So how do you kinda live here?"_

_  
"I moved two weeks ago from Boston. It was my mother's house. I'm selling it."_

_"Oh I'm sorry."_

_"For what?"_

_"You said was."_

_"Oh my mother's not dead. She's-you know what? We don't have to do the thing"_

_"Oh. We can do anything you want," he answered, dirty in his eyes. He knew that he wanted to see her again._

_"No the thing... Exchange the details, pretend we care. Look I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower. Okay and when I get back down here, you won't be here. So … um … goodbye … uh …"_

"_Derek."_

_"Derek. Right. Meredith," she smiled a little, shaking his hand. Such an odd formality after what they'd done the pervious evening and into the morning._

_"Meredith," he repeated grinning._

_"Yeah. Mmm hmm," Meredith said smiling._

"_Nice meeting you."_

_"Bye Derek," she giggled a little, retreating up the stairs._

Derek felt a little lightheaded assaulted by another memory.

_After yelling at Addison in the hallway of Seattle Grace, and running out to the parking lot, Derek ignoring his chief of surgery calling his name, and he leapt into his car, before driving out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell. He couldn't lose Meredith not like this, not without telling her that he loved her. He might have chosen to save his marriage, but that didn't mean that Addison has his heart, only one person held his heart and she was leaving. He couldn't let her leave, not without telling her, how he felt and how much he needed her._

Derek looked over at Meredith flirting with a guy at the bar, and he wanted to go over and knock the guy out, but he knew he had no right too, he slowly walked over to her; and coming behind her, and whispered in her ear.

"Mer," he said gently wrapping his arms around her waist, at first he felt her stiffen at his touch before she relaxing into his embrace. Meredith allowed herself to relax into him, allowing herself to believe for one moment, that they were Meredith and Derek.

"I followed you," he told her, Meredith turned to face him.

"What?" she asked.

"I remember meeting you...following you to the airport, and I remember feelings. What does all this mean…what were we?" Derek asked her, not failing to notice the tears in her eyes.

"You need to remember on your own, Derek," Meredith said tenderly, her hand caressing his cheek, with tears in her eyes.

"What if I can't remember?" Derek asked fearfully, not quite understanding his fear of this.

"Then we will be friends, but know this... I will always be waiting...but you need to remember us on your own. I will not break up your marriage, Derek," said Meredith, her heart breaking, but knowing that this was for the best, she was not going to be the other woman again.

"It was me you were talking about at your house," he realized.

"Derek... I can't answer that... but you need to remember yourself and if you can't I want you to be happy," Meredith said standing up, her body pressing against his. Meredith felt herself react to him, she couldn't take her eyes off his mouth, the mouth she had spent the last two years fantasizing about, and for the first time since she discovered that he was married, she thought what the hell, Meredith couldn't help but pray that this decision she made would help him to remember them, just as his lips touch his.

Derek studied Meredith carefully, his eyes straying down to her lips, he wanted to kiss her to taste her, but he remembered her reaction at the house when he tried to kiss her before, so he let her be in control. As her lips touch his, his arms pulled her in closer, as he deepened the kiss, Meredith felt herself losing herself in him, forgetting where they were, and that their colleagues was watching them, including Amy, who could help but smile at what she was witnessing

The kiss lasted for mere seconds; but it felt like an eternity, before Meredith pulled away, but still holding her arms around his neck, and giving him a small smile.

"Wow," Derek murmured, Meredith just smiled, feeling his erection against her, she wanted him just has badly, but he was still married.

"Der," Meredith said gently, just has Derek's lips touch her once again, kissing her lightly, just like their last kiss.

"I know," he sighed, taking a step back. "All I know is that you mean something to me, something more than you should."

"Derek, I will always be here, as your friend," Meredith said, giving him one last smile before walking over to her friends.

Derek sat down at the bar, ordered himself a scotch, when Amy sat down next to him. Derek offered his sister a smile, and she took his hand in her.

"You alright Derek?"

"I don't know anymore Amy, what do I do?" Derek asked his sister desperately.

"I can't answer that for you Derek."

"Meredith said that same thing."

"She is right only you can decide Derek."

"I am just so confused. I remember her meaning something to me, I remember that I love her, in a way I never loved Addison"

"Derek...what do you want to say? I could tell you everything but would it help? If you can't remember her on your own…"

"No... I need to remember on my own, Meredith is right about that," Derek told his sister.

"Okay Derek, but you know where I am," Amy told him, giving him a kiss on the cheek, before going over to join her fellow interns.


	12. The next morning

**A huge thanks to Heather for making this update even better. Enjoy!**

The next morning, Meredith pulled into the hospital parking lot; she looked over to her backseat where her daughter was sleeping. She could imagine the hospital rumour mill, concerning her kiss with Derek the night before; she could have kicked herself for letting her guard down and kissing him in front of all their colleagues. She didn't want a repeat of all the stares and pitying looks that followed her when Addison first came to Seattle. She couldn't go through that again, not with Ava she wouldn't allowed her daughter to go through that, even though she was surprised that no one had commented on the fact that Ava might be his daughter, and for that she was grateful.

Meredith climbed out of the driver seat and opened the back door to where Ava was asleep in her car seat; she stared at her daughter for a moment, and couldn't help but see her father in her, more so when she was sleeping Meredith felt the tears prick at her eyes before holding them back. Meredith grabbed her bag, before slowly picking up a sleeping Ava trying not to wake her, Meredith felt a hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump, and she turned to see Mark Sloan standing behind her.

"Dr. Sloan, you scared me," Meredith told him.

"Sorry. I just thought i would see if you wanted a hand."

"No that's fine thank Dr. Sloan and it Dr. Grey," said Meredith coldly, closing the car door with her foot.

"I bet you wouldn't say that to Derek."

"Dr. Sloan, that's inappropriate and you know it, and besides I wasn't the one that slept with his wife," Meredith hissed at him, readjusting her daughter carefully so not to wake her.

"Okay, it was inappropriate but, my offer still stands. It's just help. I'm not asking you to jump into bed with me."

"First off, I wouldn't sleep with you because you're…you. And secondly, I don't need a hand."

"Did I ask you to sleep with me? All I offered was a hand because you look like you're struggling. A simple no would have sufficed. But, you can accept help Meredith."

"Dr Grey," Meredith heard her name being called and turned to see Amy walking over to her.

"Morning Dr. Shepherd," Meredith greeted her intern.

"Mark, Addison is looking for you, and she isn't happy," Amy told him.

"Okay, nice talking to you Meredith," said Mark walking ahead of them towards the hospital.

"Thanks Amy."

Meredith was relieved when Mark left.

"Well, I've known Mark a long time, he was once like a brother to me," said Amy taking the bag off Meredith's shoulder.

"Once?"

"Meredith, I hope you don't mind me calling you Meredith, I know you know what Mark and Addison did to Derek. I know he told you what happened and that's how I know how much you meant to him," said Amy, causing Meredith to stop and look at her with a look of surprise on her face.

"Meredith, I've always been close to my brother, hell he practically raised me, when Derek first moved to Seattle I was the only family member that he kept in contact with and I decided after his accident to do my residency here, he told me all about you, he needs you Meredith, he has been a different person since you came home, trust me, I know, he's my brother."

"I can imagine what the rest of your family thought about me…"

"Meredith, whatever they think I know the truth. I know how much he loved you and how much he still does. And, I know my brother, he needs you, don't be afraid. Besides, I would love to see my niece as a proper member of the Shepherd family," said Amy with a smile. Meredith stood there staring at Amy, shocked.

"Amy, please don't say anything to Derek He needs to find out on his own," she said, walking towards the doors of the hospital.

"Meredith, I agree. He needs to figure it out himself. If I didn't agree, I would have told Derek about Addison and Mark immediately after his accident. I want my brother to be happy and i know he isn't. It's hard but, I have faith that in time he'll remember more. I know he remembers you a little, at least that you meant something to him. I have faith that he'll remember more so he can be the father that this little angel needs," she smiled, running a hand over sleeping Ava's raven curls. "I can't believe he hasn't suspected. She looks like a mini girl version of him.

"She does look like you and your brother," said Meredith, just has the elevator doors opened and she saw Derek holding Josh in his arms.

"Mommy!" cried Joshua, reaching his arms out to his mother.

"Hello baby, mommy missed you," said Amy, kissing her baby's cheek. "Thanks for picking him up Derek."

"No problem, Ames, you know how much I love spending time with my nephew. Anyways, he wanted to see you before you started rounds. I'm surprised to see you're not watching our patient. Morning Dr. Grey," said Derek, giving her his McDreamy smile.

"Dr. Shepherd," she nodded.

"I made a quick coffee run, and our patient is fine," Amy told her brother, handing him a cup of coffee. The elevator pinged, and the doors opened to the day care floor."

"I'm going to get Josh to day care, I'll see you on rounds Dr. Shepherd," said Amy, reverting to intern instead of sister, before walking out of the elevator with Meredith right on her heels. Derek reached out and grabbed Meredith's free arm before she could leave the elevator.

"Thank you for last night Meredith," said Derek gently, leaning toward and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Derek," she warned.

"I will explain...can I meet you somewhere tonight?"

"Derek."

"Please Mer… I will explain everything," pleaded Derek, she was about to say no, until her eyes met his, and she could see him pleading with her.

"Okay, come over at about eight, Ava will be in bed."

"Thank you Meredith," said Derek gently, Meredith walked away from him, wondering what that evening would bring.

**I believe the next update is one of the updates you have been waiting for...but don't expect all fluffiness and light we still have a long way to go.**


	13. Talking

**Let's see if any of your guesses were correct, shall we. Sorry about the wait, this proved a lot harder to write than I first thought. Enjoy!**

Derek stood on the lawn outside Meredith house, trying to work up the nerve to knock on her door. He wasn't exactly sure why he needed her to know but he did, for some reason this was important. He didn't want her hearing the news through the hospital grapevine; he took a deep breath before ringing her doorbell. Derek was stood there for a few minutes before he heard someone running down the stairs, and a crying baby. Meredith opened the door, looking all dishevelled with a screaming Ava in her arms.

"Sorry Derek, I am having a little trouble getting her down tonight. If you don't mind waiting…" said Meredith, clearing the door way to let him come in if he chose to.

"Do you want me to try?" he offered, stepping inside.

"I've got it under control. There are some beers in the fridge if you want one, I shouldn't be too long," she told him before retreating up the stairs with a crying toddler in her arms. "Come on baby, please go to sleep," she begged. "Mommy needs to talk to daddy."

"Dada?" whispered Ava quietly in between her sobs.

"I know baby. Soon," she murmured into her daughter's curls. "I hope," added Meredith quietly to herself.

-------------------------------------------------

Derek stood in the doorway of the nursery, watching Meredith has she rocked Ava to sleep, and quietly singing what Derek recognised as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, a song he used to sing to his nieces and nephews when they were young. Derek couldn't take his eyes of Meredith and Ava; a part of him wished that Ava was his and Meredith's daughter. The thought sobered him up. It was funny how he never wanted kids with Addison, and he barely knew Meredith but knew that she was the one that he wanted to be the mother of his children.

Meredith hadn't noticed him until she felt a hand her shoulder causing her to jump but thankfully not enough to wake Ava up.

"Derek...you jumped me."

"Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were both okay."

"We're fine, she finally fell asleep. I'll be down in a few minutes. I just want to make sure she's actually sleeping," said Meredith, hoping he would go back downstairs. She glanced over at the picture that was on the nursery's window, hoping that Derek didn't see it.

"Okay, do you want anything?" asked her Derek.

You, Meredith thought. "Um… a glass of wine would be nice. Thank you."

"Okay," he said with a small smile, leaving the nursery. Meredith looked down at her daughter hoping she'd stay asleep. She gently laid Ava down in her toddler-sized bed. After watching her for a few moments to make sure she stayed asleep, Meredith gently kissed her on the head and ran her fingers through her daughter's curls, before walking out of the nursery and down to the living room, where Derek was waiting for her. As she reached the living room she noticed Derek looking at the spot where they'd had sex for the first time, two years before. By the expression on his face, she could tell he remembered something.

"Derek," she said gently not want to scare him.

Derek turned to look at her, the woman that had haunted his dreams for the past two years.

"Is Ava asleep?"

"Yep."

"This might sound strange but I feel like I know her…" he told her sceptically. "When she called me 'dada' at the hospital…I really wished that I was."

"Derek…" murmured Meredith quietly, the tears springing to her eyes.

"I came here to tell you...me and Addison, we're done."

Meredith stared at him, astounded.

"Excuse me?" she asked, making sure her ears weren't deceiving her.

"I asked Addison for a divorce. I don't completely understand why I felt the need to tell you, but I needed you to know. That first day at hospital… when I first saw you, i felt something. I don't know what it was. It felt like something I've never felt before… not even with Addison."

"Derek," said Meredith quietly, the tears threatening to fall.

Derek walked over to her and pulled her close to him, holding her. Meredith closed her eyes, and relaxed into his embrace. She couldn't believe how much she still loved him and how much she wanted him. She just hoped he'd remember.

Meredith found the strength to pull away from him. "What do you want Derek?"

"I don't know Meredith… I'm… I want you Meredith. God…I love you! Meredith remember that," he begged. "I feel it every time I look at you. But, I'm… I'm a good man. I try to be at least. How could I have cheated on my wife?"

"Derek, I can't tell you. It will hurt when you remember. You know I didn't know about her but… you need to remember yourself. I want to tell you… I do. But, I just can't. When you do remember, I'll be here for you. I'm always here for you," Meredith told him caressing his cheek with her thumb.

"I know. Please tell me that we can at least be friends while I'm sorting this out," he pleaded feeling completely vulnerable.

"Of course we can, Derek," she smiled a little. "Have you eaten?"

"No, but you can't cook," said Derek, surprised to see the dumbstruck look on her face and then he realized what he said. "I remembered."

Meredith smiled at him.

"I know you are a health nut, or at least try to be, but, I have the pizza delivery place on speed-dial."

"That's fine Mer," said Derek, giving her a smile.

He watched as she walked out of the living room, unable to take his eyes off her retreating figure. Everything he ever wanted and dreamed of was in this house. He just had to figure out how to get it.


	14. Revelations Pt 1

**Sorry about the wait, I hadn't been well, then it took me ages to decide what direction I was going in and than it decided to take a mind of it own. Enjoy!**

Meredith stood at the nurse's station filling out charts when she felt someone come up behind her. She only realized who it was when his body pressed against her. She was so out of practice, before she would have sensed him before he got that close to her. Meredith closed her eyes briefly only to reopen her eyes to find a cup of coffee in front of her.

"What is this?" she asked

"A cup of coffee," smirked Derek.

"Stop looking at me like that!"

"Like what?" he whispered in her ear.

"Like you know something."

"It only a coffee Dr. Grey, but you are right I do know something," said Derek, nibbling on her earlobe.

"Dr. Shepherd," yelped Meredith as Derek bit down on her earlobe. "We are in the hospital, you are married and this is inappropriate," she hissed at him.

She quickly gathered up her charts and walked away from him and towards the resident's locker room. Neither of them noticed Addison standing in the distance watching as Derek flirted with Meredith, not that it surprised her, but it did surprise her when Meredith walked away from Derek. Once Meredith was out of sight Addison walked up to Derek

"So, Derek you didn't waste any time did you?" asked Addison, sounding bitter.

"What is that suppose to mean?" snapped Derek at Addison.

"Well, it didn't take you long to find someone else did it?" cringed Addison at her tone. She couldn't help it. She loved her husband.

"Addison I thought we discussed this," said Derek.

"I know we did, but..."

"It surprisingly hurts," he finished for her.

"Yeah," said Addison quietly. Derek reached over and touched her hand.

"Addie I am sorry," told her Derek.

"Derek don't...I don't deserve your apologies." Addison removed her hand from underneath his.

"What do you mean?"

"Derek, I know you don't remember, and I want to tell you, but I also can't stand the thought of you hating me."

"Addison, I couldn't hate you."

"Yes you could Derek, you did, and you will. Just know, I am sorry," she said before walking away from him.

"Addison," called out Derek after his wife.

"Yes, Derek?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Derek I am not discussing this here in the hospital," she said before walking away.

Derek watched as Addison left his sight. Derek wondered what she meant but didn't dwell on it; he needed to find Meredith again. He needed to ask her the question he was hoping to ask her before at the nurse's station before Addison interrupted them.

Derek thought for a split second to go after Addison and discover what the hell she was talking about but he needed to see Meredith first. He followed the steps that Meredith took away from him, and headed towards the resident's locker room, hoping that she was in there, and she was, he walked in before closing the door.

_Derek opened the door to the intern locker room, noticing Meredith grabbing Alex by the chin so that he was looking at her directly._

"And for the record, you smell like crap!" he heard her say.

Meredith turned and walked to her locker. Meredith and Alex both see Derek looking at them. Meredith ignored him. Derek decided to walk into the locker room and motions to Alex to find out what just happened.

"She attacked me," said Alex quickly. Derek watched has Meredith rushed towards Alex.

"Meredith, Meredith, Meredith!" exclaimed Derek, grabbing her arms before she reached Alex, pushing her back. Derek turned to Alex.

"You know, you might want to leave before I change my mind and let her beat you to a pulp with her tiny ineffectual fists," he said, guiding Alex out the door holding on to his arm. Alex made a 'boo-hoo' face at Meredith as Derek closed the door. Derek turned to look at Meredith and sighed. Meredith stared at him breathing at little heavily.

"What?" he questioned, wondering why she was looking at him. 

_"Nothing," said Meredith, grabbing her jacket out of her locker. "It's just…"_

_Derek noticed the longing looks, she threw in his direction. He nodded at her, allowing her to speak._

"_Nothing."_

He watched as Meredith slammed her locker door shut and moved to leave. He opened the door for her. She stopped in front of him as if to speak again, breathing still slightly out of breath. She seemed to change her mind and left. He looked up and sighed.

"Derek, what's wrong?" asked Meredith, noticing his blank look. He didn't answer. She walked up to him, placing her hand lightly on his cheek, forcing him to look directly at her. Derek" she said gently. He jerked back. "Are you okay?"

"You attacked Dr. Karev."

"What?"

"When was that Meredith?"

"Derek…" she sighed, not really wanting to answer.

"Please Meredith." he pleaded with her. Meredith knew she couldn't lie to him.

"Derek…I can't."

"Yes you can Meredith, I am tired of people keeping secrets from me!" he exclaimed.

"Derek, I'm trying to protect you."

"Please stop Meredith. I don't need you to protect me. Please tell me." Derek looked directly at her pleading with her.

"It was during my intern year," she said quietly.

"Intern year…so, three years ago"

"Yeah," she nodded, diverting her eyes to the ground. Derek lifted her chin up so she looked at him directly.

"I flirted with you, trying to get you to go out with me, right?" asked Derek gently. Meredith simply nodded her head.

"Where was Addison?" he asked her bluntly.

"You need to talk to Addison about that."

"I am asking you Meredith. Addison wasn't here in Seattle, was she?" he questioned, looking calmer than he felt.

"No, she wasn't," she confirmed, noticing the anger building in his eyes. Before he had a chance to storm out of the locker room Meredith managed to get in between Derek and the door. "Derek, you need to calm down"

"Meredith, get out of my way," demanded Derek through gritted teeth.

"No. You are going to calm down before you do something stupid. You are at work Derek." Looking at him she couldn't remember a time she'd ever seen him so angry.

"Dr. Grey, get out of my way. NOW!" yelled Derek at her.

Meredith was shocked, he had never yelled at her like that before. She watched him, and knew there was no way she would be able to stop him. If he wanted to leave than she wouldn't stop him.

Derek felt guilty for yelling at Meredith, but he just wanted her out of the way. He was so angry with Addison but he didn't know why.

Why that particular memory would cause him to be so angry with Addison he wasn't sure but he knew he would have never chased after Meredith unless something happened between him and Addison and he was going to find out what that was.

Before he could start up any kind of relationship with Meredith he had to know what caused him to chase after her in the first place and Meredith wasn't going to tell him anything.

Derek didn't even bother knocking on Addison office door, he flung it open to find Addison and Mark kissing, and Mark in the process of removing Addison's top.


	15. Revelations Pt 2

**I just want to say a thank you to all of those that left reviews, and for those who have add this story to story alert. This update is completely in flashback. Enjoy!**

_Derek arrived home at 11 o clock, he wondered how pissed Addison was at him, he had promise her that he would be home for dinner and he was four hours late. Unlocking the door, he felt the air shift around him, like he was walking into a stranger's house._

"_Addie" he called out but there was no response. Something wasn't right, he looked around, not sure what because it also felt right. He knows that he is going to find his wife in bed with some other man, walking up the stairs and down the hallway toward their bedroom, he stands on a jacket. And in that moment he knows exactly what he was going to find when he opened his bedroom door, he didn't want to see it but it knew he had too. Derek reached out and touched the knob and opened the door to see his wife in bed; in the middle of sex with Mark. Derek's whole world came tumbling down around him. Derek stood there unable to take his eyes of the couple until his eyes clashed with the eyes of his wife._

"_Derek" she gasped pushing Mark away from her._

"_Shit..." he heard Mark mutter when he saw Derek standing in the bedroom doorway._

"_Get out of my house...now" Derek tells Mark strangely calm._

"_Derek...I am so..."_

"_Get out of my house...NOW!" he finally shouts at Mark, Mark quickly dressed and leaves, as Derek enters their closet._

"_Derek, Derek, listen to me" Addison pleads with him as Derek walks into their bedroom from their closet with a bunch of clothes on hangers in his arms. Addison is standing in the bedroom wearing only a long t-shirt.  
__  
"Derek, you can't do this, Derek. Derek, we have to, we have to talk about this"_

"No we don't" Derek says as he picks up some clothes that are already on the bed.

"You have to give me a chance to explain" Addison pleads as Derek starts walking down the stairs with her clothes and Addison chases after him. "What are you doing? What are you doing with my clothes, Derek? It was one time. I know that's what people say. I know that is what always gets said. It's just- I don't even know how it happened. I don't know what I was thinking. It was just- He was just here! He was just here!"

"You screw my best friend and all you can say is, "He was just here"?" Derek opens the front door and throws Addison's clothes outside into the pouring rain. They fall over the steps leading to their place "Get out"

"No" Addison says standing on the stairs, tears all over her face.

"Get out!"

"No, no I'm not going. We have to talk about this"

"_Get out of my house now!" Derek yells at her._

"No, I'm holding my ground. I'm holding my ground!" Addison says sat down on the stairs and Derek walks over to her. "We don't quit! We have to work this out"

"Get out" he says has he grabs Addison's arm and starts pulling her towards the door.

"What are you doing? Derek?" Addison asks as Derek shuts the door on her. Addison places her hands on the door and Derek leans leans against it and places his hand on the opposite side.

" No, no" Addison starts sobbing.

" Please, Derek, please. Please" Derek doesn't know whether to let her back in or not. "Please" Derek couldn't listen to her plead with him; so he opened the door to let her in.

_"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You have to give me a chance" Addison says crying, walking up to hug him and he tentatively hugs her back " You have to give me a chance to show you how sorry I am. I'm sorry, okay? Okay?" Derek spins her around so she's facing the door and that he is closer to it. Addison tries to kiss him but he pulls away, he didn't want to touch her_

"Okay" he shuts the door and looks at her " I'm gonna go, you stay. I'll get my clothes in the morning"

"No, no, no, no, no, no. We can survive this. Derek, we can survive this. We're- we're Addison and Derek"

"I can't look at you. I look at you and I feel nauseous. It's just...wh- wh? We're not Derek and Addison anymore" Derek says not able to look at her.

"If you go now. If you go now we are not gonna get through this. If you go now, we don't have a chance. We don't have a chance, if you go now, if you go..." Derek know he doesn't care anymore and walks out the door and leaves Addison soaked in the hallway staring after him.

**I will try to post part 3 over the weekend, lucky I am only working the morning shift until 1.**


	16. Revelations Pt 3

**I wrote the ending of this update three times and all with completely different endings, and this ending was not at all what i planned on happening. Rated Mature. Enjoy!**

The shock of the memory, piled on him, he was furious. How could his wife and best friend lie to him? He was angry. Strangely not because they slept together but because they had spent the past two years lying to him. Derek saw red and flew at Mark, punching him. Mark was caught my surprise, considering the first time Derek had just walked away.

"You son of a bitch."

"Derek...leave him alone," insisted Addison, grabbing Derek by the arm, trying to stop him from laying into Mark. Derek shook her off.

"Don't touch me Addison," said Derek coldly, giving her a look of pure hatred.

"We weren't sleeping together while you were with married," said Mark, getting off the floor.

"Don't try lie to me anymore," he spat. "I remember what happened in New York."

"What?"

"You heard me. I remembered. You slept with my wife back in New York. Your little make out session just now made me remember. And you," he snarled, turning to Addison. "I can't believe you both have spent the past two years lying to me! Let me guess, you've been sleeping together this whole time."

Derek walked away from them quickly.

"No. I promise," insisted Mark.

"I'm supposed to believe you?" he laughed bitterly. "I don't. I never want to see either of you again," spat Derek. "Mark, you were supposed to me my best friend, my brother. I should have seen this coming you are manwhore after all, you chase after anything in a skirt."

"I love Addison."

"Love," spat Derek. "You have no idea what love means. You always wanted what I had. You told me a long time ago that no one would never love you. Guess what. You were right. So you can have her.

"And Addison," he said, turning to her. "I never completely forgot about Meredith Grey. I used to dream about her every night. From the moment I woke up in that hospital I knew I was missing something. And you know I never loved you like I love Meredith. I never felt one ounce of the feeling for you like I do for Meredith. My mother was right, you nothing but a bitch."

Derek wanted to hurt her, like she had hurt him.

"I hope you too will be very happy with each other. You deserve each other," said Derek, walking out of her office. He needed to get out of there. He didn't bother to change. Walking towards the elevator he noticed Meredith standing there.

"Dr Grey," said Derek coldly.

"Derek, are you okay?" she asked, compassion lacing her words. Derek grabbed Meredith's arm and pulled her towards an on call room, shutting the door behind them.

"Did you know?" he asked. He needed to know if she knew.

"Did I know what?"

"Addison and Mark."

Derek never needed to say anything else. She knew exactly what he was asking her.

"Derek," she sighed, not wanting to answer. She knew he'd be mad.

"I walked in on them making out in Addison's office. It triggered a memory. Did you know?"

"Yes," said Meredith softly, diverting her eyes to the ground.

"And you didn't think to tell me? You didn't think that I deserved to know that my wife cheated on me with my best friend?" he yelled at her. She looked up at him.

"Derek… it was never that simple."

"It was very simple. All you had to say was that Addison had slept with Mark."

"And would you have believed me? I don't think so."

"You don't know. You never tried," he yelled once more.

"Stop yelling!" she shouted. "None of this is my fault!"

Derek diverted his eyes from her quickly then looked back at her. Before she knew what was happening he was pushing her against the wall of the on call room, pressing his lips against hers. As soon as his lips touched her' Meredith melted into his arms. It wasn't like the kisses they had previous shared. This was primal, she knew that he needed her, and for her that was all that mattered.

Derek's fingers worked nimbly on the knot on her scrub pants before forcing them down her legs followed by her panties. He lifted her up, her leg instinctively wrapping around his waist. Derek quickly undid his scrub pants and pulled down his boxers to before quickly entering her tight pussy. Derek pounded in to her hard and fast, full of need as he fucked her up against the wall.

"Mer..."

"Fuck...Derek."

"I need you so much," moaned Derek against her lips. Meredith rocked her hips meeting thrust to thrust. They had never had it like this before, but Meredith could feel her orgasm building as the tip of cock hit her g-spot.

"Oh..."

"Mer…I need you."

"I am right here," said Meredith as Derek pulled back out of her. With one hard thrust he was back inside of her, as her walls collapsed around his cock, pushing him over the edge, has he screamed her name, shooting is hot cum inside of her.

They collapsed against each other, still kissing, Derek staying inside of her, until they came down from their high. Derek took one look at Meredith and instantly felt guilty. He pulled out of her, and pulled his boxers and scrub pants up.

"I am so sorry," he muttered. And with that he was gone.

**I think i am going to hide now**


	17. Play Time

**I love this update, i think it is a cute update. It not quite what you wanted but i think it sets up the next update nicely. I can't say when the next update will be up for definitely but i am hoping by Monday night. Enjoy!**

Meredith sat in her kitchen with her daughter, giving her breakfast. It'd been two days since she'd seen Derek, since they'd had sex in the on call room. He hadn't been at work. She even took Ava with her to the trailer hoping that he was there but he wasn't. She prayed that he was all right and that nothing happened to him. A part of her knew that she should be mad at him for using her but, she couldn't be.

"Mama sad," said Ava, reaching out and touching her mommy's cheek.

"Mama is fine."

"No. No fin," insisted Ava with determination she had never seen on her two-year daughter's face.

Seeing Ava reaching her arms out to her, she picked her out of her high chair and held her little girl close to her.

"I wub you, mama."

"Love you too baby girl," said Meredith against her daughter's curls.

"Mama... I go pak."

"You want to go to the park?"

"Ya," grinned Ava, clapping her hands with excitement.

"Okay. Lets get you dressed and we'll go to the park," she said putting her down.

Ava quickly ran out of the kitchen giggling. "Mama! Pak!"

XXX

Meredith parked her jeep in the car park, of the Lincoln Park. She knew there was a play area here, and she had decided to make a day of it with Ava. She hated not getting to spend a lot of time with her daughter so, she packed them a picnic. Meredith just wanted to not spend time thinking about Derek. Turning around she bumped right into a solid male body.

"Derek..." gasped Meredith, throwing her arms around his neck. "You had me so worried!"

Meredith noticed that he didn't hug her back, and she could tell that he was still angry with himself.

"Are you alright?"

"Dr. Grey," he answered coldly, before turning away. Meredith reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Derek, you are not going to walk away from me again. We need to talk," told him Meredith, forcing him to look at her.

"Mer…don't," he pleaded.

"Derek, you did nothing wrong."

"Meredith..."

"Shh," she shushed him. "We aren't talking about here. Not when I have ou-my daughter here and you have your nephew, but we do need to talk about it."

"Meredith..."

"I am not taking no for an answer, Derek. We can't avoid it. I am taking Ava to the play area," told him Meredith, not giving him a chance to argue. She invited Derek and Josh to join them, giving Derek a chance to spend some time with Ava. She needed to know how Ava would take to him.

"I don't want to disturb your time with your daughter."

"Derek…" she started to say until she heard her daughter from the back seat.

"De!" squealed Ava, holding out her arms to Derek. "Deh...Deh...up!"

Derek looked at Meredith and Meredith smiled and nodded at him, before Derek lifted Ava out of the car. Ava wrapped her arms around Derek neck. "Mama...sad," she told him resting her head against the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry Ava, that my fault."

"Deh make better."

"I'll try my best sweetheart," promised her Derek, running his hands over her curls.

"Deh...pak."

"Okay," he said looking at Meredith who just smiled. He noticed tears welling in her eyes.

"Mer," said Derek gently.

"I have never seen Ava take to anyone that quickly before," said Meredith with a smile before looking down at Josh. "Josh, would you like to come to the play area with us?" asked Meredith.

"Yes...Please Uncle Derek can we?" he asked excitedly. Derek glanced at Meredith, who was smirking.

"I guess so."

"Yay!" exclaimed Josh, running excitedly ahead of them.

"You are a sneaky woman, Dr. Grey."

"Dr. Shepherd, you have no idea," she teased him, picking out the picnic basket out of the back of the jeep.

Meredith followed Derek; unable to take her eyes off him especially when he was talking to Ava. She felt a wave of guilt come over her, but she pushed it aside. She had to or else she'd blurt it out and with relations between them so frosty at the moments, springing that surprise on him would not be the best idea.

Once they reached the play area, Derek placed Ava on the ground and Josh immediately took her hand and guided her over to the slide.

"I promise she's save. Josh has cousins her age," he said, noticing Meredith stiffen.

"I'm…it's fine. Ava is usually so clingy so seeing her take to someone else is amazing," she told him, wanting him to realize Ava trusted him.

"Meredith...I am really sorry about the other day," said Derek, diverting his eyes.

"Derek, let's just enjoy our time with the kids, shall we?"

"Okay. Would you join me for dinner tonight?" asked her Derek.

"Are you asking me out on a date Dr. Shepherd?"

"I believe I am Dr. Grey."

"In which case, I would love too."

"Good," he smiled, taking her hand in his and squeezing gently. "I'll pick you up at 7:30."

"Okay," said Meredith with a smile.

Meredith and Derek watched Josh and Ava playing together.

Meredith watched as Ava followed Josh around in the park. She was relieved that she ran into Derek. She really didn't want to avoid talking about it. Two years ago, before Ava, she would have avoided the situation. But she knew she wanted Ava to know her father, and if she could avoid the awkwardness that would follow if they let it go, then it would be good for Ava, and for Meredith that was all that mattered.

Meredith watched as Derek went over to the two kids and put Ava in the baby swing and started pushing her. Ava laughed and clapped, getting excited. Meredith knew that returning to Seattle for the right thing, now she just needed to figure out how she was going to tell Derek that Ava was his daughter. They spent the morning at the play park until Derek had to get Josh back to Amy's, he kissed Ava goodbye before turning to Meredith.

"I guess i will see you tonight?"

"Yeah."

"Wear something casual," he told her.

"Okay. You're not going to tell me where we're going?"

"It's a surprise," he grinned. "See you tonight," he added, leaving her and Ava alone.

"Mama, dada make betta," said Ava as she waved good-bye to Josh.

Meredith took Ava back to the play park before heading home, to get ready for her dinner with Derek.


	18. Making connections

**Sorry about the delay I had a bit of writers block on this update. I know some of you will be disappointed at how this turned out, but I like how it turned out, and Derek does make some connections on his own, which I think is important. A huge thanks to Heather (mcdreamydreamsofme) for working her magic on this. And the italics are flashbacks, and thanks to Sheri once again for her transcript. Enjoy!**

Derek pulled up outside Meredith house, he was over 30 minutes early but he wanted to get to know Ava. He knew that she would come first no matter what happened between him and Meredith from here on out. But he also felt a connection to her and she was so familiar but he couldn't put his finger on why. He assumed that it was because she was like Meredith. Standing on Meredith porch, it could hear Meredith calling out for Ava, it made him smile, he forewent knocking on the door, opening it and calling her name.

"Meredith!"

"I'm in here, Derek," she called from the lounge. Derek walked in to see a flustered Meredith covered in talc. He couldn't help but laugh.

"It is not funny Derek!" insisted Meredith.

"You just look too cute," he grinned.

"The one night I need her to behave she decides to misbehave."

"No. Ava good."

"Ava please let mommy get you dressed," she pleaded with her daughter.

"No!" she exclaimed stubbornly.

"Ava. We're going to Derek's house. Please let me-"

"Meredith," he interrupted her. "Let me get her ready. You can go get ready and I'll get to know this beautiful little girl." Ava wiggled out of Meredith's arms and ran over to Derek.

"Deh up!" she said, raising her arms to Derek.

"Only if you're sure," said Meredith sceptically as Derek picked Ava up.

"I'm sure. Go. Get ready," he smiled, kissing her forehead head

"Thank you Derek," she smiled softly. Meredith retreated towards the stairs, quickly looking back to see Derek dressing Ava. Seeing Ava being so compliant made her smile, maybe this would work out for them.

G AGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

30 minutes later Meredith walked into the living room to find Derek lying on the couch with Ava sprawled out, sleeping, on his chest. Derek looked at her and smiled, the smile that always made her go weak at the knees.

"She fell asleep about ten minutes ago," he said quietly.

"Sorry," said Meredith, walking over to take Ava off his chest.

"I've got her. You should get her car seat and put it in my car."

He handed Meredith the car keys before looking down at Ava. She was sucking her thumb, looking so peaceful and much like his sister Amy did when she was a little girl. Derek's brain was running a mile a minute, as he worked out the math in his head.

_**No he couldn't be...she would have told me**_, he thought to himself. He couldn't shake the feeling.

"Dada," murmured Ava as Derek shifted her in his arm. His heart swelled.

"It's okay, baby. Daddy's got you," he whispered into her curls.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith was surprised to see Derek taking a familiar route, the last she knew he didn't remember the trailer or his land. She was glad he brought here there. IT meant so much to her which he probably never even realized it.

"I found this a few weeks ago. Not long after you came to Seattle. I wanted to show you," said Derek, looking over at Meredith, noticing the look on her face. "This was our place, wasn't it?"

Meredith turned to look at him with tears in her eyes, but a smile on her face, before climbing out of the car. Derek watched as she walked closer to the trailer, and he could see her really relax for the first time since she came back into his life. He looked behind him and saw that Ava was still fast asleep before climbing out of the car to see Meredith holding her hand out to him.

_They walked in the dark, side by side. _

_"Where are we?" questioned Meredith._

"Shh, shh. I'm gonna tell you. All right. My mother's maiden name, Maloney. I have four sisters. I have, uh, nine nieces. Five nephews. I like coffee ice cream, single-malt scotch, occasionally a good cigar. I like to fly fish. And I cheat when I do the crossword puzzle on Sunday. And I never dance in public. Um, favourite novel, The Sun Also Rises. Favourite band, The Clash. My favourite colour is blue. I don't like light blue, indigo. The scar right here on my forehead," he said, pointing to a crease on his forehead.

"_That's why I don't ride motorcycles anymore. And I live in that trailer. All this land is mine. I have no idea what I'm gonna do with it. So that's it. That's all you've earned for now. The rest you're just...just gonna have to take on faith," he finished with a smile. _

_Derek watched her as she took a few steps toward the trailer. She turned around, smiling at him and reaching for his hand. He grinned back, took her hand, and they walked into the trailer._

"Derek," called Meredith, noticing Derek standing in the same spot in a daze. He didn't respond. "Derek," she repeated. Derek grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. "Derek, what is it?"

"I remember."

"Remember what?"

"The first time I brought you here, and I asked you to take it on faith," he told her, their eyes interlocked. For the first time since she came back he saw a light come on in her eyes, one that he saw a long time ago, her eyes full of love for him.

"You did."

"And I let you down."

"Der-" she started, interrupted by Derek's lips pressing softly against hers.

"Mer, I need to know. Did I choose Addison over you?" Seeing the flash of sadness that was gone just as quick as it had appeared.

"I am so sorry, Meredith," he apologized. Hearing the tone of his voice, Meredith wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close.

"You're a good guy Derek. She was your wife. I understood."

"That is no excuse Meredith, I know what I felt…what I feel for you. I never felt anything like it for Addison. Why would I choose her over you?"

"I don't know Derek, only you can answer that," she told him.

"I wish I could."

"One day you will be able to but right now, let's just be us," said Meredith, placing a feather light kiss on his lips. "I have to tell-"

"Let's get Ava out of the car, and then we can talk. I'll lay her down on the bed and finish off dinner," he interrupted her, knowing exactly what she was going to say. He wanted to hear it more than anything in the world but, not yet. Derek knew he had something more to prove to her and himself before he could be Ava's father. He wanted to remember everything first.

He needed to prove he'd be there for Meredith because he loved her. Not just for their daughter.


	19. Truths

**One Month Later**

It had been a month since they went out to the trailer. Meredith found it harder to and harder to keep her secret since Derek spent every evening at her house helping her with Ava, even flirting with her, but backing off when it came to anything roughly intimate. Looking to the clock she noticed that Derek's shift would be over in a little over two hours and he'd buzz straight there. A part of her wondered if Derek had figured out that Ava was his daughter but she knew she couldn't wait much longer to tell him

"There you are! You were suppose to meet me an hour ago," Cristina said angrily from the kitchen doorway.

"Oh my god," she sighed, looking at the clock again. "I'm so sorry. I totally forgot."

"So you and McDreamy get back together and you forget all about us?"

"It is not like that…"

"He's here every night, Meredith."

"I know. But, he never even touches me."

"Do you think he knows Ava is his?" she asked, sitting down. Meredith shrugged. "What if I take the munchkin and drop her off at the hospital tomorrow morning. That should give you and Derek time to talk."

"I don't..."

"I'm only going to say this once. And if you ever repeat this I will personally kill you and make it look like an accident. The man loves you. He always has and he always will. I happen to know for a fact you still love him. So, tell him everything. And also, fuck him! You need to get laid! You're no fun when you're sex deprived," Cristina told her bluntly. She watched Meredith for a reaction, and was surprised to see her smiling. "Meredith?"

"Are you sure about taking Ava tonight?"

"Yes."

"Thank you Cristina."

"Yeah," she mumbled not wanting anyone even Meredith know how much she was looking forward to have her god-daughter tonight.

XXX

Looking in the mirror, Meredith touched up the last of her makeup. She knew Derek didn't care if she wore make up or dressed up, he loved her in scrubs with her hair pulled into a messy ponytail. But, she wanted him to remember her the way she used to be. She was tired of going slow. She just wanted to be with the man she loved. The doorbell rang, and knowing that it was Derek, she took a deep breath, before opening the door.

"Mer," he breathed. "You look…wow."

"Thanks. So, are you coming in?" she asked, leaving the door open for him as she walked into the living room. Derek followed her and looked around, surprised not to see Ava in the living room playing like she usually was.

"Where's Ava?" he questioned.

"She is with Cristina for the night."

"Well I should go home," said Derek, turning to leave.

"You don't have to leave you could stay for dinner," she told him hopefully.

"Meredith…"

"I want to spend some time alone with you Derek, getting to know each other again or whatever."

"Meredith, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why the hell not?"

"It just… I'll come back tomorrow when Ava is home," he said, walking out of the living room and into the foyer. He placed his hand on the door handle when he heard Meredith behind him.

"So you don't want to spend time with me," she said, holding back a few tears. "Just my daughter. We come as a package deal Derek, you can't just choose to spend time alone with her it doesn't work that way," she added a little angrily.

"Don't you think I know that Meredith? I would love to spend time alone with my daughter but her mother won't let me," yelled Derek.

"What? What the hell are you talking about?" asked Meredith.

"I am talking about that beautiful little girl being mine," he spat. Meredith gasped, surprised at his knowing. "Did you really think I wouldn't find out?"

"Who told you," she asked him quietly.

"I figured it out the night I took you to the trailer. "

"I was going to tell you that night," she assured him with tears in her eyes.

"I know you were Meredith," he sighed. "I'm sorry I yelled."

"Me too…I miss you Derek," she whispered, just loud enough for him to hear her.

Derek couldn't handle it any longer he walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her. Pulling her close to him, he buried his face in her hair, breathing in the strong lavender scent. Now he had her in his arms, he never wanted to let go.

"I'm so sorry Mer. I thought I needed space. And, I thought this could go horribly wrong and I could lose you and Ava."

"We were good together Derek. I don't ever want to lose you but if somehow I did, I'd never keep you from Ava. I felt guilty enough about it for the last two years, but Ava was always my link to you, the only part of you that I had left."

"Well I am not going anywhere Meredith if you'll take me back into your heart."

"You never left," she said wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him passionately.

**I think you know what is coming next. I will try my best not to make you wait so long for the next chapter of this story. I have only managed to write a small amount at a time as I am finding it hard to write. **


	20. Reconnecting

**Rated M. Enjoy!**

Derek pulled away from her lips and he searched Meredith's face for any hesitation but found none. Smiling, he pressed his lips against hers, their tongues exploring the deep crevices of their mouths, has they both relaxed into the kiss.

"Bedroom," muttered Meredith against his lips. Derek pulled away slightly but with their foreheads touching, and his hand resting on her ass. Quickly picking her up, Derek walked towards the stairs, her legs wrapped around his lean hips. He got her into her room, laying her on her bed. They both pulled their shirts off before Derek climbed on top of her, hovering over her and kissing her passionately.

Meredith had other plans. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her.

"I don't want to crush you," he said against her lips.

"You won't. I need to feel you, Derek," she said quietly. She wanted…. needed to feel all of him to convince herself that she wasn't dreaming. Derek gently lowered himself onto her, his chest meeting her heaving breasts.

"Are you sure about this?"

"I've missed you," she sighed, telling him everything he needed to know.

"I love you," said Derek. He wanted to tell her that he missed her too but, he couldn't remember which made him feel like a bastard. He noticed a glance of understanding in Meredith's eyes and he smiled softly.

"I love you too," she assured him, gently kissing him. Meredith ran her hands over his shoulders and down his back, her hands resting on the top of his trousers. Derek pressed his mouth to her neck, sucking and nipping before working to take off her sweats and taking a nipple in his mouth.

She moaned as Derek sucked on her nipple and flicking it with his tongue, while his fingers working on her sweats, pulling them down over her butt.

"You are so beautiful," he told her kissing her on the lips once again, before working his way back down over each nipple. Derek peppered kisses over her taught belly and down to her wet centre. Derek buried his face in her curls, and breathing in deeply, smelling her.

"You smell so good," he said before running his tongue over her clit, causing Meredith to shiver slightly from the anticipation. Derek's tongue worked her clit into a frenzy before plunging his tongue inside of her, causing her to moan loudly.

"God...Derek," she called out, her hands pulling on his hair. Meredith slightly tilted her hips, giving him better access to her. He placed two fingers inside of her as his tongue continued to work her clit into a frenzy, sucking and gently caressing it, all the while he fucked her with his fingers. Derek could feel her walls collapsing around his fingers as her orgasm washed over her.

"Derek!" screamed Meredith.

Derek thought he had never seen such a beautiful sight before as he watched Meredith as she came. He licked her clean, enjoying the intimate taste of her, before coming back up to her and kissing her hard on the mouth letting her taste herself on him.

"You taste so good," he said before kissing her once again, lying down beside her.

"Your turn now," she said saucily, working on his pants. She could see the very large bulge in his pants, knowing that it must be very painful by now.

Meredith pulled his pants and boxers before reacquainting herself with his large, thick cock. Licking her lips, she placed the head of his cock in her mouth, swirling her tongue around the head, licking off the pre cum that glistened there.

She took her deeper into her mouth until her mouth was filled with his cock. Meredith swirled her tongue around it, has Derek started to thrust into her mouth. Starting to play with his balls, she remembered how much he liked it. His seed shot down her throat and she licked him clean before pulling herself up to him and kissing him deeply.

Derek rolled them over so he was on top of her. Her legs fell open, his cock falling between his legs. He gently but swiftly pushed inside of her until he filled her.

They both let out moans of pleasure at finally being connected. They fit perfectly together. Derek didn't move just enjoyed the feeling on being buried inside the woman he loved. He started to thrust into her slowly. Meredith started to buck her hips to make him go faster he started to thrust harder and faster.

"Mer," he moaned into her neck, kissing, nipping, and pulling at the skin. Placing one of his fingers on her clit, he massaged the area, knowing that he wouldn't be able to hold off his own orgasm for too much longer. "Cum for me Mer," he whispered in her ear, nibbling on her lobe.

"Ohhh..."

"That's it!"

"Der... Please."

"Let go," he whispered.

"Derek!" she screamed has her wall collapsed around his cock, and no longer able to hold it off Derek spilled into her.

"Meredith!" he called out, resting on his elbow so not to crush her. Meredith kissed him deeply as he pulled out of her. She rolled onto her side, pulling him with her.

"That was..."

"Amazing," she finished for him. "Just like I remembered," she said, kissing him and running her finger through his raven curls. Derek gently ran his tongue over her lips and pushing it gently into her mouth, exploring each other mouth a little more, being slowly pulling apart.


	21. The Morning After the Night Before

**Rated Mature, Enjoy!**

The next morning Meredith woke up, her head pillowing Derek's chest. His arms were wrapped around her petite frame and their legs were tangled together. Smiling, she lifted her head to look at him. She watched him sleep, reaching up to graze his face with her hand to make sure it wasn't all a dream. It was real. Meredith had spent so many nights over the past two years dreaming of them, especially making love to him once again, she needed to know that he was real. She traced the crinkles of his eyes, and gently caressed his face, trying not to wake him.

He looked so peaceful, making her realize she'd never seen him so relaxed. Even as he slept, a small smile graced his features. She'd woken up to him watching her sleep in the past but it was her turn to watch him this time. For the first time in two years, it seemed like her life was finally going right for her and she knew that this time no matter what happened, she and Ava wasn't about to lose him again. She would fight like hell to ensure that.

"Are you watching me sleep?" asked Derek. Meredith lifted her eyes to meet his brilliant blue orbs. She kissed his lips lightly. He pressed his hand to the back of her head, deepening the kiss as his hands tangled into her hair.

"I could get used to this," she told him.

"Me too."

"I love you," Meredith confessed easily, needing him to know.

"I love you too Meredith. I know that much."

"Good," she said against his lips as she kissed him once again. Derek rolled over, her naked body pressed to his. He needed to feel her skin on his. Since his accident he'd dreamt of her so much and he needed to make sure it was real. Derek kissed her passionately, his erection pressing into her leg. "You ready for another round?" she giggled, ready herself to go at it again. "We only went to sleep two hours ago."

"What can I say? I have the most beautiful woman in the world laying under me, and who is the mother of my child," murmured against her lips, plunging his tongue into her mouth. He reached into the bedside table, pulling out a condom. Meredith took the packet out of his hand, ripping it open. She hooked her legs around his waist and rolled them over so she was straddling him, her wet center over his already swollen cock. Rolling the condom on she leaned over, kissing him, running her tongue over his mouth. He parted his lips slightly and she took advantage and slipped her tongue inside his mouth before pulling away.

Meredith lowered herself on to him until he completely filled her. It felt amazing. She gently rocked her hips has he gently and slowly started thrusting into her, his head hitting her cervix. Derek hands found their way to her breasts, flicking her nipple with his thumb, watching Meredith as she rode him.

After massaging both her breasts, he removed one hand and with his thumb, he worked on her clit, rubbing it gently and alternating between flicking and rubbing it. He watched her as her orgasm built, throwing her head back as she came.

"Derek!" she screamed, her orgasm washing over her. Riding it out she gently collapsed on him, with his penis still in side of her. Derek ran his fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head, before rolling them back over.

"You are so beautiful Mer," he whispered, taking a nipple in his mouth, sucking and flicking it with his tongue, as he thrusted into her.

"Mer," he groaned. Grabbing her hair he pulled as he continued to thrust into her.

"Derek…please," Meredith moaned wrapping her legs around his waist and lifting her hips off the bed.

"Please...what?" he whispered in her ear, before assaulting her neck. He sucked on the spot he'd discovered the night before that drove her wild.

"Faster," she demanded, cupping his ass with her hands, pushing him into her.

"Mer," moaned Derek. He continued to thrust into her, harder and faster, until he felt her walls collapsing around his cock and she screamed out his name. As Meredith came down from her orgasm, he found himself over the edge and roared out her name before resting on his elbows, kissing her as he still twitched inside of her.

He ran a hand through her silky hair, pulling out of her and sliding off the condom. Lying down beside her, he pulled her close, enjoying the feel of holding her in his arms. They lay in silence, Meredith's head resting on his chest as her fingers traced gentle patterns on his flat stomach.

"What time are picking Ava up?" he asked.

"Cristina is dropping her off at the day care and I'll pick her up later."

"You not working today?"

"Nope But, I have a 48 hour shift tomorrow," she replied, her fingers still dancing around his abdomen.

"What do you say we go and pick Ava up, and we go out to the trailer for the day?" he suggested kissing on top of her head.

"You don't have to spend the day with us if you don't want too," she told him.

"Meredith, look at me", he said, waiting to see if Meredith would look up and in, after hesitating she did just that. "Stop doing that, stop testing me Meredith. I want to spend time with you and Ava. I want to spend all my free time with you and Ava, please don't ever doubt that."

"I'm sorry. It's just all my old doubts flare up every so often. Still a bit dark and twisty around the edges."

"I might not know everything I should know about you but, even if you're dark and twisty, I love you," Derek promised, kissing her softly. Meredith responded by deepened the kiss. "I'm going to take a shower. Want to join me?"

"Of course," she smiled. Derek quickly kissed her temple before climbing out of bed and pulling her after him. They scurried into the en suite bathroom. After another round in the shower, Meredith left Derek shaving in the bathroom as she got dressed and made coffee. Then for the first time as a couple, they went to pick their daughter up from daycare.


	22. Family Time Part 1

**This is a little bit on the short side has i got a little bit of writers block on the second half on the update and i wanted to get something up for you this weekend. Part two will follow when i get over this small block. Enjoy!**

As Derek pulled into his usual parking spot, he noticed that Meredith had barely spoken on the whole ride there. Looking over to Meredith he saw here fidgeting with her wrist like she always did when she was nervous. "What's wrong, Mer?" he asked, reaching over and taking Meredith hand in his.

"Nothing. I'm fine," she lied. She didn't know why, but she was feeling really nervous.

"Meredith, please don't start using that word on me, not now," he pleaded, remembering what that word meant. He wasn't about to let her get away with it. Derek knew that fine with Meredith rarely meant that there was something wrong.

"Sorry I don't mean too. It just what I do Derek."

"It needs to stop Meredith. You need to learn to let me in. I know you like to think that you don't need anyone but everyone needs someone."

"I need you. And Ava," said Meredith, taking his hand in hers. She leaned over and kissed him gently. "I just need reminding sometimes. Let's go and get our daughter, shall we?" she asked, giving him a small smile, before getting out of the car.

Derek quickly jumped out, going around to the other side of the car, and quickly wrapping an arm around her waist as they walked across the parking lot and toward the hospital entrance, neither of them noticing the brunette watching them from the distance.

XXX

They walked into the day care center, in hand in hand. Ava looked up to see her mommy walking in and ran over. "Mama!" squealed Ava, holding her arms up, to be picked up. Meredith picked her up and gave her daughter a hug.

"Mommy missed you," she told her daughter, holding her close before turning to Derek

"Derek, I just need speak to Mrs. Price. Ava go and give daddy a hug, and mommy will be back soon." She gave her daughter a quick kiss before passing her over to Derek. "Okay, we will be fine. Won't we Ava?"

"Dada," Ava said, reaching her hand out to touch Derek's face, while Meredith walks over to the day care manager.

"Mrs. Price," she greeted her.

"Dr. Grey, you requested to meet with me today, come to my office and we can talk there."

Meredith followed her in and sat down opposite Mrs. Price.

"I want to add a person to Ava's approved list."

"Of course Dr. Grey," she said, standing up to get Ava's file out. While she was getting that Meredith was watching Derek and Ava interacting, Ava pulling Derek into the play area.

"She has taken to Dr. Shepherd, very well, I see."

"Yeah she has," said Meredith, turning back to the woman.

"I take it that you would like to add Dr. Shepherd to her approved list?"

"Yes. And also add him to her emergency contact list, since Cristina and I aren't always available. Also, he can make any decisions regarding her care. After all, he is her father."

"Oh I didn't realize."

"When would that this effect?" she asked.

"Immediately Dr. Grey. I will let my staff know. Are you taking Ava for the rest of the day?"

"We are."

"Of course, Dr. Grey," she said. Meredith signed the papers saying a quick goodbye, before leaving her office and making her way over to Derek and their daughter.

"You ready to go?" she asked Derek, who simply nodded and followed her, carrying Ava who was content in being held by Derek.

Luckily the elevator was already on their floor. Derek placed a hand on the small of Meredith's back, as they walked on to the elevator, and neither of them noticed the brunette standing with Addison at the back of the elevator.

"Dada," said Ava, trying to get her father's attention.

"Yes sweetie?"

"Wub ya, dada," she said, giving Derek a kiss on the cheek before giggling to her self. Derek closed his eyes at the sound, she sounded just like her mommy.

"Daddy loves you too," he said, running his hand through his daughter curls.

"Wub mama," she said, getting exciting bouncing up and down in her father's arms, clapping her hands together. Derek planted a gentle kiss on Ava's head and reached out to take Meredith's hand just before the elevator stopped on the ground floor.


	23. Family Time Part 2

**So sorry about the wait, this was suppose to up yesterday but i was exhausted when i got home from work last night, so i went to bed early. This update was getting really long, so i decided to post this in two parts, the second part will be edit and posted by Monday. This is my birthday gift to you all. Enjoy!**

Derek pulled out of the hospital parking lot, and drove towards the docks; at first glance it looked like he was taking them back to the trailer, until he drove past the turn off for the Bainbridge ferry.

"Derek, you missed the turning"

"We aren't going to the trailer yet" he told her.

"I thought we were spending the day on your land"

"We were but i wanted to take you and Ava to the aquarium but if you want to just go to the trailer that is fine Mer" Derek hoped that she would go with him on this, he wasn't ready for her to meet his sister yet, he did not want to put her through that just yet, and he knew that she wasn't ready for it yet, he loved his sister but he didn't trust her not to push.

He wanted to protect her and his daughter from that just yet, he hadn't told his family about Meredith and Ava yet, knowing that they would all be on the first plane out and he knew that his sister would have questions especially after hearing Ava call him daddy in the elevator at the hospital.

"No, it's fine Derek, Ava's never been to an aquarium before" she told him, she didn't want to say anymore, she had never been to aquarium either, it was not a priority of her mother's growing up, spending time with her daughter. Meredith prided herself on not being her mother but being the best mother she could be for her little girl.

"Well she can, enjoy her first time with her mommy and daddy" Derek said, leaning over and kissing her gently on the cheek while taking her hand in his, while they waited for the lights to change. Meredith looked over at her daughter in the back of the car, and when Derek removed his hand from her she reached over and ran her fingers through her daughter curls.

"We are going to see the fishes Av" she told her.

"Ishes mama" Ava clapped her hands, excitedly, giving her mother, the smile she inherited from her daddy, the smile that Meredith could never say no too.

"Mama, loves you baby"

"Av wubs mama"

Derek looked in his rear mirror, seeing Ava talking to Meredith, he smiled to himself, listening to Meredith telling Ava where they were going, he didn't miss the excitement in Meredith voice, and something told him that she had never had the childhood that she tried to give their daughter, he could hear in her voice the awe at certain things Ava did, and the little things that he remembered from his own childhood and watching his younger sisters growing up Meredith was surprised at it. He found himself playing close attention to everything Meredith and Ava did together and especially to Meredith's reaction to it.

Derek pulled up at the parking lot indicating the Seattle Aquarium, Meredith looked over at him, opened her mouth to say something before Derek cut her off.

"Meredith, it is my treat, I am paying"

"Derek, I have my own money I don't..." Meredith started telling him before Derek captured her lips with his own, hoping that she would forget what she was going to say, he deepened the kiss before Meredith pulled away.

"You pay for you and Ava and I'll pay for myself" Meredith said climbing out the car, leaving no room for argument, Derek sat and watched her, as she took Ava out of the car. "Are you getting out of the car Derek, I need the stroller out of the trunk"

"Coming"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Once inside the aquarium, Derek guided Meredith towards the Windows on Washington Waters exhibit, he knew the Seattle aquarium almost as much as the one back home in the last two years, he had taken his youngest nieces and nephews every time they came to Seattle but this was much more special this time, it was the first time he was taking his daughter out, and their first family trip. Once they got inside he took the stroller off Meredith, and quickly took her hand in his.

"There is a dive show at 10am, Meredith" Derek told her noting it was already 9.40.

"Okay" Meredith simply put, staring at the glass in front of her.

As Derek lifted Ava out of her stroller, he couldn't help but sneak a glance at Meredith, her face a picture of awe, and he knew that he was right, he took her hand in his, as they watched the divers. Meredith could feel Derek eyes on her; she had always secretly loved the way he watched her when he didn't think she knew but this time it felt like he was scrutinising her. She tried to shake the thoughts from her head, needing to remember that he didn't remember much from their previous relationship, not that she shared much with him at the time.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The morning went quickly, Meredith mainly watched father and daughter together, relishing in watching the moments they created together, everything he showed her, Ava was fascinated by everything Derek told her, she loved seeing her daughter face light up, and for her that is all that mattered, all she wanted was her daughter to be happy. Ava especially loved visiting the seals and the sea otters; Ava clapped and jumped excitedly up and down has she watching them swimming.

Derek treated Meredith and Ava to lunch at the Aquarium cafe, guiding them to a spot on the balcony that overlooked Elliot Bay, putting Ava in her mother lap, Derek gave Meredith a quick kiss before going off and getting their lunch.

"You having fun"

"Sea-sea mama"

"You liked the seals"

"Av wants sea" she told her mother.

"You can't Ava" she told her.

"I want sea sea" she said a little louder.

"Ava, if you don't calm down you will be going home" Meredith told her sternly, knowing that Ava was about to have one of her temper tantrums.

"NO..." she shouted at her mother, banging her hands on the table in front of her.

"Ava Carolyn Grey...stop it this instance"

"No...wub you mama" Ava told her mother, Meredith knew she didn't mean it but it did hurt her each time Ava said.

"Meredith"

"Dada..." Ava sobbed out reaching her arms out for her father.

"What's going on baby" Derek said to her reaching out to take her from Meredith, Meredith let him take her, but looked away from Derek.

"sea, sea, dada"

"Sea?" Derek asked looking at Meredith, and Meredith could feel his eyes boring into her back.

"She wants a seal and i told her she couldn't, so she decided to throw a tantrum"

"Me...sea!"

"I will get you on later if you behave yourself Ava?" Derek asked her.

"sea, dada" she said, her tears stopping, and giving her daddy a kiss on the cheek. "wub dada"

"Derek"

"Meredith, i want to get her something from me, i haven't gotten her anything yet" he told her.

"Daddy loves you, now you better say sorry to mommy"

"No...wub mama"

"Yes you do Ava, you are making mommy sad" Derek told her. Ava reached out to touch her mommy's arm.

"Mama...sad. orry mama" Ava said reaching her little arms out to her mother. Meredith gave her a small smile before taking her again. Ava rested her head against Meredith chest. "No sad?" she asked lifting her head to look up at her mommy.

"Mommy not sad anymore sweetie" Meredith told her daughter, who kissed Meredith on the cheek like she did her daddy moments before.


	24. Adult time

**I want to thanks everyone who has added this story or any other of my fics to their favourite stories list and those who have added me to their favourite authors list. I am still amazed that anyone actually reads and like my fics so every comment is much appreciated. This update is Rated Mature so please read only if you are over 18, you have been warned. Enjoy!**

Lunch went well and Ava calmed down and started to eat allowing Meredith and Derek sometime to talk quietly, before heading back into the aquarium, and they spent the rest of the afternoon in the different exhibits, Ava was fascinated by the mystical moon jellies, and wanted to play with everything on the wet table, causing Meredith to laugh when Ava attempted to wiggle out of Derek arms, trying to grab the rockfish and the plankton that they was allow to touch.

"Meredith is there anything you want to see" Derek asked her.

"Nope, i have never been here" she told him, not want him to know that she had never been to an aquarium before.

"Ishes" Ava piped up, Meredith smiled and Derek knew that Meredith would do whatever Ava wanted to do.

"Fishes it is than Ava" Derek said taking them to the underwater dome area, remembering that Meredith had told him how much Ava loved Finding Nemo, and he had previously took a couple of his nieces and nephews to this section before; knowing that they loved the movie, and he had spent a lot of time with them here, with the Nemo fish and the Dori fish has they called them.

"Mama look Dor" Ava said following Derek's prompt's pulling her mother over to far side of the dome.

"I can see sweetie"

"Can i see Nemo mama? Lease mama" Ava said grabbing her mommy's leg.

"When we get home sweetie" Meredith told her, picking her up and resting her on her hip.

"Dada...you see Nemo?" she asked looking over at her father, holding her hand out to him.

"I do, Ava. If you say bye to the fishes, we will go home" Derek said picking her up.

"Dada home?" she asked.

"Daddy's coming home with you baby"

"By by ishes" she said weaving as her daddy carried her out.

By the time they arrived back at Meredith's house, Ava was fast asleep in her car seat cuddling her seal that Derek had brought for her. Meredith kissed her sleeping daughter on the head as Derek took her upstairs to lay her down for her afternoon nap. Meredith was stood in the kitchen, making coffee when Derek came back downstairs, and he walked up to her, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer to him, kissing her gently.

"What do you say with take advantage of Ava's nap and have some fun" Derek said nibbling on her neck.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Oh you know" he said in her ear, he fingers undoing her jeans and placing a finger against her clit, gently rubbing it with his finger, getting her turned on.

"You know the way" Meredith laughed; and Derek picked her up and carried her toward her bedroom, his lips not leaving Meredith's and he closed the door behind him he turned and pushed Meredith up against the bedroom door, has his fingers, worked on undoing her jeans, only putting her legs down to remove said jeans and panties, before picking her up once again. Meredith legs rewrapped themselves around his waist, as he undid his trousers, and stepped out of them and his boxers, before swiftly entering until he completely immersed in her.

"Der..." Meredith moaned into his mouth, has his tongue mimicked his cock, he thrusted into and her hips meeting each of Derek's thrusts. Derek kissed her neck, finding the spot that drove her wild, as he continued to pound into her.

"Meredith" he groaned, his fingers working their way down to her clit, and rubbed her clit with his thumb, alternating between slow and fast.

"Fuck...Der" she called out against the crook of his neck.

"Come for me" he murmured, putting a little more pressure on her clit, before pressing harder and running his fingers up and down her wet folds, as she trembled against him.

"Oh...god...I'm cumming" Meredith screamed out biting against Derek collarbone as he spilled inside of her. Derek stayed inside of Meredith has she collapsed against him, she could feel him twitching inside of her still.

"I love you" he told her, gently kissing her.

"I love you too" she told him has he slipped out of her and she unwrapped her legs from his waist and lead him over to the bed, pushing him down and climbing over him, leaning down and kissing him hard, exploring his mouth with her own with her own ferocity, and Derek was hard again in no time.

Meredith took his hard, thick cock in her month, and she ran her tongue over his head licking up the glistening precum, causing Derek to moan.

"I've missed this" Meredith murmured, before wrapping her mouth around his cock, and taking him into her mouth, her tongue running up and down his shaft, before taking him fully.

"Oh...Mer" he moaned, as she continued to suck and lick at his cock. Taking him deeper, as her tongue expertly ran over his cock, has he twitched inside of her mouth. She loved his size; he was the perfect fit for her, she continued to suck, she began to massaging his balls.

"Fuck" he called out, trembling underneath her. "Mer...stop" he called out to her, Meredith stopped what she doing and looked up at him.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing" he said pulling her up towards him, and kissing her, tasting himself on her. "I want to come inside you, Meredith" he said kissing her, she spread her legs for him so that his cock rested against her opening, he placed a finger inside of her, and she was so wet for him. He licked and sucked on her clit, placing two fingers inside of her, his finger thrusting in and out of her, just has his cock did.

"Derek...please" she panted, her hands finding her way into his hair, lifting her hips of the bed causing Derek to go deeper, he sucked on her clit, as she grabbed the sheet with her hands as her orgasm began to wash over her.

"Derek..."she screamed out, silently glad that Ava nursery was at the other end of the house., knowin that her scream would usually wake her up; Derek licked her clean, before kissing her so she could taste herself on him, and Derek quickly entered her, both knowing it wouldn't take long for them to climax together.

"Fuck Meredith...you are so tight"

"Derek" she moaned as he took a nipple into his mouth, sucking and nipping at it.

"Please...fuck me" she told him. Derek started moving inside of her, quickly thrusting inside of her as her hips met his, thrust for thrust.

"God, i need you so much Meredith" he murmured in her ear, sucking of her earlobe, as he continued to pounded into her, he could feel his orgasm building inside of him, as his balls tightened.

"God...Derek" Meredith called out, Derek thrusted faster into her and he twitched inside of her, his head hitting her cervix.

"Meredith...i can't much..." he groaned, thrusting into her harder than he dare before, needing her so badly, needing her like he never wanted anyone before.

"" she screamed has her walls collapsed around his cock.

"MERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" he screamed, spilling inside of her, their juices mixing together. Derek gently collapsed on top of her, keeping most of his weigh off her, but he did not wanting to pull out of her just yet, he felt like he was home.

He kissed her gently on the mouth, and ran his fingers through her silky dark blonde hair, before kissing her on the forehead. He had never loved anyone the way he loved Meredithand they continued to kiss until the heard theyAva calling out Mama over the monitor, Derek pulled out of her and kissed her.

"I will get her Meredith" he told her pulling on his boxers before leaving the bedroom and making his way to his daughter bedroom. He opened the door to see Ava trying to find out of her cot, once she saw her daddy she stopped crying and reached her arms out to Derek.

"Dada" she called out to him.

"Hey baby" he called out to her, picking her up and holding her close, before taking her to her mommy who was still lying on her bed, Derek passed Ava to Meredith before climbing in next to her, and with Ava laid in between them, Derek wrapped his arms around his family as they fell asleep together.


	25. Early Morning Surprises

**Thank for Jenny and Heather for the help with this update. Enjoy!**

Derek looked over at Meredith, who snuggled into his side, leaned over, and pressed a chaste kiss to her head. He heard his cell phone vibrate and he quickly grabbed it, getting out of bed carefully and walked into the hall.

"Shepherd," he answered.

"Hey Der..."

"Liv its 6 in the morning. What are doing calling me so early?"

"I need to see you Derek... I'm in Seattle."

"I know. I saw you with Addison," he told her.

"I'm sorry Derek. But, you left me with no choice. The only way i knew what was happening was by talking to Addison since Ames..."

"Leave Amy out of this Liv."

"So who is calling you daddy Derek," she asked, getting straight to the point.

"I'm not discussing this with you over the phone Liv. I'll meet you this afternoon but, I suggest you call Amy."

"Der..."

"Do not Der me. Amy needed her family and you all abandoned her. Make it up with your twin Liv and I might consider letting you know what you want," he said before hanging up on his sister.

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair before brushing his teeth. Walking into Ava's nursery, he watched her quietly for a few minutes, playing with toys in her crib. She eventually noticed Derek standing in the doorway, watching her.

"Dada!" she called out, holding her arms up to be picked up.

"Morning, princess," he smiled, lifting her out of the crib. Derek placed a light kiss on her head, running his hands over the unruly curls.

"Mama...seepy?"

"Yeah mama's sleeping. So we've got to be very quiet."

Ava nodded. "Spon bob dada?"

"After breakfast."

"I want pan."

"Pancakes it is," he told her, checking her diaper before taking her down stairs to breakfast. Her new favorite toy, the seal from the aquarium, was wrapped tightly in her ams. Derek placed her in her high chair before starting on the pancakes. She babbled happily to him as he worked. Placing a plate in front of her, he heard his phone start to ring for the second time that morning.

"Hey Amy."

"Hi. I was wondering if you could watch Josh for me this morning. I've been called into the hospital and I can't find a sitter."

"Not a problem. I'm at Mer's."

"I need her address... Are you sure Dr. Grey won't mind?" she asked him.

"No, Meredith will be fine with it."

"Okay, I'll see you in 30 minutes,"she said before hanging up. He saw Ava watching him as intently as a two year old could.

"Do you remember Josh?" he asked her, Ava shook her head.

"Josh is your Aunt Amy's son, he's your cousin," he tried to explain to her but, she wasn't interested. "He's going to come and play with us today."

Ava nodded at him and returned to playing with her pancakes. Neither noticed Meredith standing in the doorframe.

XXX

Meredith woke to an empty bed, which wasn't a surprise. Derek was rarely in bed when she woke up. If it wasn't for their daughter she definitely would have thought he didn't want to spend time with her. But, she quickly batted those thoughts away. He missed out on two years of his daughter's life and she understood that he was just trying to make up for that. Derek loved her, she knew that.

Climbing out of bed she grabbed her robe and made her way downstairs, knowing that Derek would have made Ava breakfast. Standing in the doorway she watched as he cooked pancakes for Ava. She was about to announce her presence when his phone rang. She could hear him talking to his sister, telling her that she'd be fine with doing something. She was mad that he just made the decision for her, not bothering to ask her if it was okay. But,s he kept her mouth shut, not announcing her presence, until Derek started helping Ava with her breakfast.

"You know that she can feed herself," she said walking into the kitchen.

"Good morning," Derek smiled at her, watching her as she walked over to the coffee maker. Grabbing her first cup of coffee for the day, she ignored Derek, knowing that without her coffee, she was likely to snap. After a couple sips she walked over and kissed her daughter on the head before sitting down next to her.

"I made pancakes for breakfast."

"I'm not hungry," she told him, a little sharply.

"Okay. I told Amy that I would watch Josh today. Apparently she got called in to the hospital."

"Of course."

"Thee only thing is, I have an errand to run around lunch time so, I was hoping you wouldn't mind watching him for an hour or two."

"And you never thought to ask me, Derek?"

"What's that suppose to mean Meredith?"

"Forget it."  
"No Meredith I want..." Meredith kissed him, shutting him up.

"I will watch Josh while you run your errand," she said definitively.

"Mer..."

"Derek, go take a shower. Won't Amy be here soon?" she asked, leaving no room for arguments.

"Mama...boo?" Ava asked as Derek walked out of the kitchen. Meredith grabbed a napkins on the table and started playing peek-a-boo with her daughter.

She was still playing it 10 minutes later when there was a knock on the door.

"Mommy, will be right back, sweetie," she told Ava, handing her her juice before jogging to answer the door. "Hi Amy"

"Thank you for taking josh today, Dr. Grey."

"Amy I've told you before, it's Meredith."

"Sorry, Meredith. I'm guessing Derek didn't ask you. He told me he did."

"Amy it not your fault," she assured, her, letting her walk into the foyer. "What time are you done today?"

"Six. I really do appreciate this, Meredith."

"It's alright. I know how hard it is to find a baby sitter at short notice."

"Still, thank you."

Meredith nodded. "Derek's in the shower," she told her. "Hi Josh, do you remember me? From the park?" Meredith asked him, bending down so she was at the same height.

"Ava's mommy," he said shyly, Meredith smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

"Ava's in the kitchen eating breakfast. Have you eaten your breakfast yet?"

"Nuh uh."

"Well what do you say when Uncle Derek comes down we get him to make you some pancakes?"

"Yes, please" he said, still feeling a bit shy. Meredith stood up, and turned to Amy. "He'll be fine."

"Thank you Meredith. Josh, I will see you tonight. Be a good boy for Uncle Derek and Meredith. I love you."

"I love you too mommy," he said giving Amy a kiss and a hug, before watching his mother leave. Meredith held her hand out for Josh to take before leading him into the kitchen.


	26. Sibling Talk

**A huge thanks to all those that have added this story to story alerts and favourite stories/authors, and for all the comments, I know I don't say it often enough but I appreciate every single one of them. Enjoy!**

Derek stood outside a cafe in Pike Square, waiting for Olivia to arrive. Truthfully, he just wanted to get home to his girlfriend and daughter, especially knowing how pissed off Meredith was with him at the moment.

"Derek," she smiled.

"Liv...you took your time," he muttered.

"Sorry I got a little held up."

"Well, let eat then you can say what you came here to say and I go home."

"To your daughter."

"Yes," Derek said simply, walking into the cafe. He was hoping that Olivia wouldn't follow him, that she'd walk away but, he knew that was unlikely. Derek sat down at a table and waited for his sister to join him. "I take it mom sent you out here," he accused as she sat across from him.

"Well I volunteered. It was either me or Nancy, and you know how much she loves Addison."

"She is Nancy's best friend so understandable. But, you always hated Addison so why you were at the hospital with her?"

"If you had answered any of our calls since you split with Addison, I wouldn't have had too," she told him, before ordering a cup of coffee.

"Liv, I am happy. Much happier than I ever was with Addison. I think even mom realizes that. And not to mention, you all lied to me! I've spent the last two years of my life with a woman who cheated on me with my best friend, and my whole family knew about it! Do you even know how that feels?"

"No, but..."

"Don't you dare tell me it was for my own good. What would have been best would have been my

own goddamn family being honest with me. Then maybe I wouldn't have missed out on the first two years of my daughter's life."

"Derek...please."

"No, Olivia. I don't want to hear it. Unless you can miraculously find a way to get me those two years back, then please don't. Go and tell mom that I am happy and that I will be back in contact when I'm ready. You are my family and I expected you to be on my side, to be honest with me"

"And what about your intern?"

"Don't you dare bring Meredith into this. She did what she had to do. I don't blame her. If anyone is to blame for her leaving, it's me. And, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to her," he told his sister. "So, when are you going to talk to Amy?" He knew that someone needed to make the effort to reach out to her, and Olivia should be the one to do it.

"So, when can I meet Meredith?" she asked him.

"I don't know. When do you fly back to New York?"

"Who said anything about New York?"

"Liv, I know mom wants a report. How are Andrew and the kids?"

"Jenny and Ellie are good, both started kindergarten two months ago, they love it. Andrew is busy

with the firm."

"Good, and you Liv, are you happy?"

"I am, I miss med school but I also know I couldn't bare to be away from Jenny and Ellie. I don't know how Amy does it."

"Of course you don't. You have spoken to her in six years. She has me and Mark. She needed some of her family to be there for her."

"It wasn't that simple Derek. You weren't there," she insisted.

"All I know is that Amy had to give birth to her son on her own because this family is too proud to admit what happened. I have always supported Amy and Josh and I always will. As for my daughter, until you learn to accept Amy and Josh, than I don't want you around my daughter. You all lied to me. No matter how many times you apologize, that will never change," Derek said harshly, standing up. "When you have all come to your senses then I'll consider accepting you back into my life. But, until Amy, Josh, Meredith and Ava are accepted into the family, nothing is going to change. No matter how many sisters Ma sends out. Bye Liv," he said, dropping a wad of bills on the table for breakfast before walking out of the cafe.

XXX

Derek arrived back at Meredith's house around a half hour later. He was surprised to find the front door locked, knowing Meredith never locked it. It was then he realized he forgot his key because Meredith never mentioned that she'd be going out. Digging out his phone he quickly hit speed dial #1, when she didn't answer he sat on the steps of the house. Within a minute, her car pulled into the driveway.

"Hey, what are doing out here?" she asked him, sliding out of her car.

"I forgot my keys. I didn't know you were going out," he said walking towards her.

"The kids wanted to go to the park and I didn't know how long you were going to be on your errand." Meredith pulled Ava, who'd been screaming the entire car ride home. As soon as she passed her to Derek, she stopped screaming but tears still drizzled down her red face.

"Daddy!" she sobbed, holding her arms out.

"What wrong sweetie?" he asked her before ruffling Josh's hair.

"She didn't want to leave the park Uncle Derek," Josh told him.

"Daddy...pak!"

"Maybe later sweetie, I think someone's ready for a nap."

"No nap," said Ava stubbornly. Derek looked over at Meredith and gave her a small smile, before

she passed him her keys.

"I'll put her down for a N-A-P," he told her leaning over and kissing her gently.

"Do you want to watch a DVD, Josh?"

"Yes please Auntie Meredith," Josh replied happily.

"Josh," she said warningly.

"Well you are going to marry Uncle Derek, aren't you? I want you too. I like you."

"Well I like you too," she smiled, reaching for his hand. "Let's go and find you something to

watch."

"Mommy put Transformers in my bag. Can I watch that, please?"

"Of course you can," Meredith said to him, guiding him into the house.

When Derek came downstairs, Josh was sitting on the sofa in the lounge and Meredith was in the kitchen, making them a cup of coffee. He snuck up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and rested his head on her shoulder.

"I love you," he murmured in her ear, gently nibbling on her earlobe.

"I love you too. And I'm sorry about this morning. PMS," she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Don't worry about it, Mer. I should have asked you first about watching Josh today."

"I don't mind watching him, Derek. He's you're nephew. But, just give me a little heads up. Or just ask. This morning I woke up in a pretty pissy mood. So, it's not all your fault."

She turned around to face her, giving him a quick peck on the lips before walking out of the kitchen.


	27. Chapter 27

**Enjoy!**

Meredith stood at the nurse's station, filling out charts, 24 hours into a 48 hour shift. She'd been under the impression it got easier after the intern year but, she was obviously wrong. In the four months she had been back in Seattle this, was her first 48 hour shift so, she couldn't complain. But, she missed Derek and Ava. Knowing that Derek had the day off and was at home with Ava made her feel jealous, she wasn't used to sharing Ava with anyone.

"Excuse me, I am looking for Derek Shepherd," she heard someone ask Nurse Olivia. She peeked at the woman who was older with short, gray hair, remembering her as Derek's mother. Meredith was incredibly tempted to run and hide but, she knew that wasn't gonna happen.

"Dr. Shepherd is off today. He'll be back tomorrow," Meredith answered for Olivia. She knew it wasn't the whole truth seeing as Derek was meeting her for lunch with Ava.

"Mom. What are you doing here?" asked Amy walking up to her and Meredith.

"Amy," Carolyn said to her youngest daughter.

"Dr. Grey, I have the charts you wanted," she said, turning to Meredith.

"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd. When you're finished here, do a pre-op on Mr. Roberts then you can scrub in."

"I thought it was Dr. Shepherd case?"

"It was but it needs to be done today so Der-Dr. Shepherd handed it off to me."

"Yes, Dr. Grey," Amy smiled, watching as Meredith walked away before turning to face her mother. "So, what are you doing here Ma?"

"Maybe I wanted to see you."

"Yeah, not likely. If you want to know where Derek is, you should call him," she snapped, walking away.

"Amy!" Carolyn called out. She stopped slowly, turning back to look at her mother. "What do you say about joining your mother for some lunch?"

"Maybe. I'll let you know."

XXX

During the surgery, Meredith had noticed Amy was a little distracted. After the past few weeks of getting to know her, she knew that wasn't normal. She also noticed Derek sitting with Ava on his lap, watching the end of her surgery.

Scrubbing out, Meredith turned to Amy. "You okay?" she asked. "You've been distracted."

"Sorry. My mom asked me to meet her for lunch and... I don't know. Our relationship isn't exactly good."

"Amy, I don't know what happened but she is obviously trying to make amends. And, trust me, the relationship that I had with her mother wasn't easy but I would have loved my mom to reach out to me."

"Your mother is Ellis Grey."

"Yeah, but she was more interested in surgery then remembering that I was her daughter. Go to lunch with her Amy listen to what she has to say."

"But isn't Derek here with Ava to meet you for lunch?"

Meredith nodded. "Looks like Ava will be meeting her grandma sooner then I thought," Meredith told Amy, giving her a smile.

"Are you sure Meredith?"

"I think we both know as soon as I walk into the cafeteria your mom will hear Ava calling Derek and I mommy and daddy and there will me questions. So, I say we get it over with now."

"And you aren't going to ask Derek his opinion?"

"You know how Derek will respond. And, I want to do this before I start freaking out."

"Let's do it," she smiled.

"Well, I need to talk to the family. Go meet Derek by the nurse's station and tell him I'll meet you guys down in the cafeteria after."

"Okay," she said, walking out of the scrub room. It was difficult to switch back and forth between Dr. Grey and Meredith, her brother's girlfriend. She spotted Derek waiting at the nurse's station, holding Ava in his arms. She'd never seen Derek look more content.

"Derek," she said gently.

"Hey, how'd the surgery go?"

"Great. Mer-Dr. Grey is an amazing surgeon. You should know, you trained her," as soon as the words left her lips, she regretted them, noticing the crestfallen look on her brother's face. "Derek, what is it?" She watched Derek as Meredith walked out of the scrub room, giving Derek and Ava a little wave before disappearing down the hallway.

"I barely trained her," he muttered. "Only when she was an intern. Thanks to my own stupidity, she received that training elsewhere."

"Derek, I doubt she will see it that way. You were like her first mentor," Amy assured him. "I'm meeting mom for lunch and I would really love your support on this Derek."

"I'm suppose to meet Meredith..."

"Derek. Please. I'm begging you. I don't want to face her by myself.

He sighed. "Okay. But, if Meredith yells at me, it's your fault."

"Yes Derek," she said, humouring him.

"Aun Am," Ava said holding her arms out to her aunt. Amy reached out to Ava, taking her into her arms. They walked down to the cafeteria, side by side, dreading the lunch. Derek walked off to get food while Amy headed with Ava towards her mother.

XXXXX

"Hey mom," Amy greeted her.

"Hi Amy. So who is this gorgeous little girl?" Carolyn asked her daughter. Looking at the little girl, she saw Amy was a little girl, staring back at her. Amy looked around nervously for Derek, hoping he'd hurry up with the food. She wasn't comfortable answering questions for him.

"I offered to look after her while her mother talks to a patient."

"If you want to get some food, I'll watch her" she offered. Sat down, shook her head and unconsciously tightened her grip on her niece.

"I've got their food," Derek said, walking up behind his mother.

"Well, this is a surprise Derek," she said as he sat down. "A doctor told me you had the day off."

"I do. But, I was bringing Ava to meet her mother for lunch."

"Her mother works here?"

"She does."

"Isn't there a daycare she could go to? Why are you-"

"Stop," Amy interrupted her.

"It's okay, Ames. Pass her here."

"Daddy!" Ava squealed, jumping into her father's arms.

"Daddy?" Carolyn asked, not able to keep the look of surprise of her face. "Derek what's going on?"

"Ma, this is Ava Grey, my daughter."

"Grey?"

"She has her mother's name"

"Why not yours?"

"Ma, it complicated, now Meredith..."

"Oh my god! The intern. Derek what the hell are you doing? You left Addi-"

"Mother. Stop right there," he demanded. "Meredith is in my life and I will not have you calling her names or making rash assumptions about her. She is the one person that actually never lied to me."

"She kept your daughter..."

"I'm not listening to this Ma," he snapped, standing up with Ava hanging on his neck. "Meredith is the love of my life and that's it. If you are going to continue taking your ex-daughter-in-law's side, go have lunch with her instead of your own son. Amy, I'm sorry." With that, he walked away.

"You haven't changed one bit mother," she spat. "You already lost one daughter and a grandchild, do you want to lose Derek too? At this rate, you will." Amy stood up and walked away, determined to find her brother and make sure he was okay.

Carolyn watched as to of her children walked away from her, she knew that she needed to fix this, but she just didn't know how. Oh god Christopher, what have I done?, she thought to herself.


	28. Amy and Meredith pasts

**This update isn't beta'ed, i like it has it is, and i hope this answer some question that you have. Enjoy!**

Meredith was sat opposite Amy in one of the on-call rooms, she noticed that lunch with her mom hadn't gone well, and that both Derek and Amy had left, she had walked into the cafeteria just has Amy passed her and noticed that Mrs Shepherd was sat at the table looking into space. She looked after Amy and decided to follow her; she would talk to Derek at home.

"Amy" she called after her, but noticing that Amy didn't stop, she as concerned, not as her resident but as her future sister in law, even a close friend, she grabbed hold of her arm and dragged her into an on call room, locking the door behind her.

"Amy, what the hell happened?"

"Nothing, I'm fine"

"Don't give me that crap Amy, I recognise fine, when I see it, I used to be fine too" Meredith told her, not prepared to see Amy completely break down in front of her as she started crying. Meredith sat down beside her and wrapped her arms around her, has she cried.

"Derek stood up for you and Ava" she told her.

"I don't care; what is going on with you, Amy?"

"I can't Meredith, you will hate me"

"Amy, what happened, just tell me, i won't hate you"

"Everyone else does"

"Amy i happen to know how much Derek loves you, and so does Mark, i see how protective he is over you"

"I feel bad, knowing what Mark did to Derek and i hate him for it, but Mark helped raise me with Derek after daddy died, and i hate to choose between them"

"Derek doesn't expect you too"

"Derek hates Mark, and i don't blame him, after what he and Addie did to him"

"Maybe but that still doesn't tell me anything Ames, and i recognise an avoidance tactic when i see it, please me honest with me Amy, not as your resident but as your brother's girlfriend"

"When in college, i became involved in a relationship with a professor, i fell in love with him, we were seeing each other for two years before i discovered that he was married, and then i fell pregnant with Josh. I love my son Meredith so much but because of having him I lost my whole family but Mark and Derek. Mom, Nancy, Kathleen and Olivia being from a good catholic family, thought that i made the wrong choice and practically disowned me; mom has never forgiven me" Meredith let her cry on her shoulder, just supporting her, until the tears dried up.

"What hurts the most is that Josh only knows Uncle Derek and Uncle Mark and not the rest of his aunts, uncles and cousins or even his grandma"

"Amy listen to me, that is not your fault, look at me and Derek, when i first met him, i never knew he was married, hell he was suppose to be a one night stand, when i met him at the hospital the next day i tried to avoid him, but i was but on his case. I tried not to fall for him, i spent six weeks trying not to fall in love with him, but i did and the two months we spent together were the happiest i have ever been; the day Addison showed up and introduced herself as his wife, my whole world fell apart, the person i felt i was going to spend the rest of my life, broke me in a way my mom was never able to. I even begged Derek to choose me, and he still chose Addison, and the only explanation i got was she is my wife, but i never regret falling in love with him, i got Ava out of it, hell i finally knew what love was, it has taken me a long time to forgive him and if i am completely honest, i haven't forgiven him"

"You know i don't regret it, i should, but i can't when i got my perfect son, but how can you be with Derek if you haven't forgiven him" she asked her.

"Because i am completely in love with him and that he doesn't remember us, i have to try and forget about it"

"But doesn't it make you wonder if the choice came down to it, that he would choose her again"

"Yes, it terrifies me; but i also know that he wouldn't leave his daughter"

"Meredith"

"I know it isn't healthy Amy, but for now i have him, Derek is the love of my life, yeah sometimes i think he is only with me because of Ava, but i can't dwell on that, even if i think sometimes it is the truth"

"Derek loves you Meredith; i have never seen him looking at anyone the way he looks at you"

"Maybe...but maybe you should make the first step with your family Amy"

"I can't Meredith, i have tried, but no one has ever responded, even my own twin sister can't forgive me, i don't know what expect from meeting mom was lunch but it was never going to be good, i have always been the black sheep of the family" she told Meredith wiping off her eyes and finally pulling herself together. Amy stood up looking back at Meredith. "Thank you, but i better get back to work" she said smiling slightly, before leaving the on call room, leaving Meredith behind to mull over her own confession. She knew she didn't trust Derek; she knew he wouldn't leave her, but not sure if it was her or Ava that he wanted.

**Please let me know what you think? R&R**


	29. Chapter 29

**Thanks to Jenny for reading this and Heather for betaing this for me, despite the homework she had. Enjoy!**

Meredith was beyond relieved when her 48 hour shirt was over. All she wanted to do was get home and hold her little girl. She'd had spent the last 24 hours, keeping herself busy so not to think about her talk with Amy and, that she'd admitted to her boyfriend's sister that she was having doubts. She prayed that Amy wouldn't mention their talk to Derek. Meredith knew that Derek loved her, and she was even aware how silly she was being but it didn't stop the feeling of dread at losing him to Addison again, not when she already had, not once but twice. She knew that her feelings of jealously was ridiculous because of the accident, and her guilt at knowing that the accident was partly her fault. If she didn't run, he never would have followed her.

_Flashback_

_Meredith was exhausted. She had a long day at the hospital, and at four months pregnant, it felt even longer. It'd been two months since she left Seattle and all she wanted was to crawl into her bed, at her apartment, imagining that she had Derek's arms wrapped around her, his hand resting on her stomach, which housed their child. God, she missed him. _

_This didn't explain why she was out with one of her fellow interns on a date, when she wasn't interested in the slightest. How did she get herself into these situations? Dating, and sleeping with her attending was one thing, but she loved with him with all of her heart. The only man she ever loved. She knew as soon as she said yes, it was a mistake but she talked herself into it. Since her departure from Seattle, she hadn't spoken to Cristina or Alex, only checking in with Izzie twice. _

_She was trying to focus on what Nathan was saying to her but she couldn't even pretend to be interested. Meredith was just about to say something when her cell rang. Quickly grabbing it out of her bag, she didn't bother even looking at the caller ID before answering it._

"_Hello?" she said._

"_Meredith, it Addison," responded the caller, pausing on the other end of the line. The voice Meredith had hoped to never hear again. _

"_Addison, how did you get hold of my..."_

"_That doesn't matter. I'm calling because of Derek."_

"_What you want to rub it in that..." Meredith started, actually kind of grateful for the interruption._

"_God, no, Meredith. I know you hate me, and I don't blame you. But, Derek was in a car accident a couple of months ago, and he has been in a coma ever since. I thought you might want to know." _

_Meredith hand instinctively went to her stomach where their daughter was growing. "W-why?"_

"_Meredith, I know we hurt you but i think you are his only hope. I'm hoping he'll respond to you. I know how much he loved you."_

"_Addis..."_

"_Please Meredith. I know you don't owe me anything. When he wakes up I will step aside, I just __want him alive. I love him enough to let him go. Please, Meredith?" She never thought that she would hear Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd beg. She closed her eyes, knowing that she needed to see him._

"_Okay."_

"_Thank you so much."_

"_Where is he?"_

"_He was taken to Mercy West, and they're not transferring on at the moment," said Addison. She was really glad she didn't have to face her friends. _

"_Okay, i will be there the day after tomorrow. And Addison..."_

"_What?"_

"_Thank you," Meredith breathed, hanging up. She took a deep breath before turning back to Nathan. "I'm sorry Nathan, but I really have to go. I had a good time tonight," she assured him. And, it was the truth but, nothing more as friends. Right now, she wanted to see Derek and know he was alright. _

"_Thank for joining me, Meredith. And, I'm sorry about your friend."_

"_Thank you Nathan," Meredith said, rushing out of the bar, and over to the safety of her car. Her hand rested subconsciously on her stomach."Daddy is going to fine, baby," she murmured to their daughter._

_End Flashback_

Meredith arrived back home from the hospital, to find Derek and Ava asleep on the couch, with Finding Nemo playing in the background. She walked over to them, placing a gentle kiss on her daughter's head before turning the TV off, leaving them to sleep. Walking into the kitchen, she made herself a cup of coffee before sitting down and thinking. She was so deep in thought that she didn't hear Derek coming into the kitchen behind her until his arms snaked around her neck.

"I missed you" he whispered in her ear. "You should be going to bed"

"I wanted to wait until Ava was awake i haven't seen my baby in two days" she told him.

"She's missed you too" Derek told her, wishing that she told him that she missed him too.

"I spoke to Amy after lunch yesterday and she told me what happened"

"I am surprised she is never that open"

"Maybe we have more in common then you realise" she said moving out of his embrace to stand up, she turns to face him, realising what she just said when she saw the hurt in Derek's eyes. "I am so sorry, Derek, i didn't..."

"Didn't mean what? Meredith that you can't forgive me" Derek asked, grabbing her by the shoulders.

"Derek..." she stated, the tears running down her face.

"You know, Meredith, just go to bed, and we will talk about this later" Derek said walking out of the kitchen, Meredith walked out and saw Derek cuddling on the couch with Ava and walking quickly up to the bed, and grabbing one of Derek's t-shirts before climbing into bed and letting the sobs raked her body.


	30. Chapter 30

**This is just a short filler, it not what I wanted to post but as I am having a little trouble with this and I think I have kept you waiting long enough. I am not very happy with this update but I keep going around in circles, so I am posting it as it is. The next update will have things moving along. Enjoy!**

Derek could her Meredith sobs coming from the bedroom, and it broke his heart, he wanted to go in and comfort her but he feared that it might do more bad than good. He wanted things to go back to how they were before when they first got together. He started to remember more about their previous relationship and it hurt that she couldn't forgive him for Addison, but he understood why, especially with how Addison introduced herself to Meredith, and with his failure to tell her and he felt a lot of guilt for neglecting to tell her, considering that he fell in love with her, but he knew he needed to let it go.

Derek couldn't remember the last time that they spent any real time together just the two of them, he knew it was when they first got back together and that was a few months before. He knew Meredith was afraid that he was only with her because of Ava, and knowing that he spent more time with Ava because he felt guilty for missing out on the first two years of her life, he could see why she might think that. He knew it wasn't just him; she was also cutting herself off from him, and he knew for this to work, things needed to change, they needed to talk.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGA

He left her alone giving her a few hours to sleep, giving him the chance to make few phone calls, the first one to his sister asking if she could have Ava overnight, so relieved when Amy said that she would have her, now it was just organising something, he called in a couple of favours, hoping that it wasn't too short notice. He hoped that this would start to help them, he couldn't lose her; not again.

Derek walked into the bedroom that he shared with Meredith, she was still asleep, walking over to her, and he knelt down besides the bed and ran a finger down her cheek, brushing her hair away from her face.

"I am so sorry Meredith, for making the wrong choice, for making you lose trust in me, but i promise I will make it up to you, I love you so much" he said gently, before giving her a gentle kiss on the head. He watched her for a few minutes, his heart constricting at her red puffy eyes, knowing that he caused them.

"I will make you trust me again, Meredith" he said before leaving the bedroom closing the door behind him, he could hear Ava moving around and babbling to herself in her cot so he went into Ava room.

"Dada"

"Hey princess" he said picking her up.

"Mama seeping" she asked.

"Yeah, she is, but when she gets up she will want to spend some time with you"

"Miss mama"

"Eat your lunch, than you can go up and see mommy" Derek told her and Ava tucked into her food causing Derek to smile. He watched his daughter has she ate, seeing so much of her mother in her, he hoped that the plans that he had for tomorrow night, would help to fix these problems they were having, because he couldn't imagine not being here every day.****

Very short, i will do my best to get the next update up over the weekend. 


	31. A Romance in Seattle

**I have to give a huge thanks to Kate and Jenny for the ideas and assistance with this update, i would have not been able to do without either of them. Thank you for your patience, this update seems to have taken forever to write, so i hope it did it justice. The song used is one of my all my time favourite songs, Angels by Robbie Williams. Enjoy!**

Derek was pacing up and down the lounge; waiting for Meredith to come down, Amy had picked Ava up an hour before. He heard the bedroom door open, and watched the stairs, as she walked down them; Derek felt his jaw drop to the ground, the dress she was wearing showed off her gorgeous legs.

"Wow your beautiful Meredith" he told her so glad that she was his.

"Thank you, so where are we going?"

"That my love is a surprise" he said, bringing out a bunch of flowers, causing Meredith to gasp in surprise.

"Derek they are beautiful, no one has ever brought me flowers before" Derek's heart broke a little at that statement, and he also felt guilty that he never showed her what it was like.

"Well that will change from this night on, I promise you Meredith" he said leaning down and kissing her gently on the lips.

"Let me put these in water, and then we can leave" she said kissing him, before heading to the kitchen, moments later she was back.

"You ready Dr Grey" Derek asked holding his arm out to her, she grinned at him.

"Yes, Dr Shepherd" she said linking her arm in his, as he walked her out to a waiting limo, Meredith gasped. Derek smiled at her. "Derek"

"This is your carriage, Dr Grey" he told her, Meredith wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Thank you"

"This is only part one of the surprise" he told her, kissing her on the forehead and guiding her over to the limo. Once in the limo, Derek gave her a glass of champagne and kissed her gently on the month.

"I love you Meredith"

"I love you too" she said kissing him, she let her fingers run through his curls, as his fingers,

worked their way under her dress, into her panties and straight to her centre, Meredith shifted under his fingers, as they gently but meticulously rubbed against her clit.

"Oh...Derek" she moaned into his mouth as he plunged her fingers inside of her and his tongue mimicked his fingers, before she placed her arms around his neck and she ended up straddling him.

"Mer, we need to stop" he said breathlessly, as he pulled his mouth away from hers and removed his fingers from inside of her, leaving them resting on her thigh. He really did not want to pull away but he knew that they did not have a long journey.

"Derek. I want you" she whispered in his earn nibbling on his earlobe, causing his body to heat up immensely.

As if on cue the limo driver interrupted them, "Excuse me Dr Shepherd, we are going to be at our destination in five minutes".

"Thank you" Derek said as Meredith was still attacking her his neck, he gently pulled his neck away from her from her, no matter how hard it was him and he caressed her cheek. He bought both hands gently to her waist and gently moved her body so that she was no longer straddling him, before reaching over and pouring her another glass of champagne.

"Are you trying to get me drunk, Dr Shepherd?"

"Maybe, Dr Grey" he said with a grin, as they stopped, he leant over and kissed her once again before pulling out a blindfold.

"Derek, what is this for?"

"Do you trust me Meredith?" he asked her.

"Derek"

"Meredith, answer the question" Derek's heart sank, he knew that he should have never asked her that.

"No" she said quietly, not wanting to hurt him but needing to be honestly with him.

"I know you don't Meredith"

"I am so sorry" she said before Derek captured her lips.

"Meredith...stop...forget about it and enjoy tonight, i love you" he told her, before guiding her

out of the limo, and whispering in her ear, for every step she had to take. Once reaching the site, Derek kissed Meredith neck before removing the blindfold.

"Derek..." Meredith gasped at the sight in front of her, she could see Seattle in the background, and a table in the middle of the deck, with candles and a waiter dressed in a tux.

"Surprise"

"This is..."

"Meredith, i know you don't trust me, but will prove to you how much i want you in my life, this is just the start, and I love you" he said pressing a kiss on her head. "Now, why don't we

have dinner, Amy having Ava overnight, and i was thinking we could go to the trailer and talk"

"Yeah i would like that"

"Good" he smiled at her, giving her the mcdreamy smile that she first fell in love with. Derek guided her over to the table and holding the chair out for her for her to sit down, before taking the chair opposite her. The waiter poured out their wine, and Meredith smiled when she saw the label.

"You remembered"

"Your favourite wine, yeah, i know you would prefer tequila" he said, causing Meredith to smile. "I am remembering more and more Mer, but it is something we will talk about later, you deserve to be romanced so this evening I am just that" he told her reaching across the table and taking her hand in his, squeezing it before pulling back, as the waiter came with their food.

An hour later, he came back with their dessert, a cheesecake, a single piece that they could share, Meredith eyes locked with Derek, and she felt herself getting lost, she had avoided his eyes all evening, knowing that they could make her lose all sense of control, Meredith finally pulled away from his eyes, and start eating.

"Meredith, dance with me?"

"What? There is no music" she said as a song came over on the speaker.

_I sit and wait  
does an angel contemplate my fate  
and do they know _

"Meredith, dance with me? Derek asked standing up and holding his hand out to her, Meredith started shaking her head, and Derek tilted his head to the side and gave the mcdreamy look, the one she couldn't say no too. Taking his outstretched hand she allowed him to pull her up, and taking her immediately into his arms, and they started moving to the music.

_The places where we go  
when we´re grey and old  
´cos I´ve been told  
that salvation lets their wings unfold _

"I love you Meredith" he says as she rests her head on his shoulder.

_so when I'm lying in my bed  
thoughts running through my head  
and I feel that love is dead  
I'm loving angels instead _

"I love you too Derek" Meredith tells him, giving him a light kiss on the mouth, Derek deepened the kiss, one of his hands tangling in her hair.__

_and through it all she offers me protection  
a lot of love and affection  
whether I'm right or wrong  
and down the waterfall  
wherever it may take me  
I know that life won't break me  
when I come to call she won't forsake me  
I'm loving angels instead _

Meredith pulls away when the need for air became too great, their eyes meet.__

when I'm feeling weak  
and my pain walks down a one way street  
I look above  
and I know I'll always be blessed with love  
and as the feeling grows  
she breathes flesh to my bones  
and when love is dead  
I'm loving angels instead 

__Derek leans in and kisses her once more, as they continued to move to the music, and simply rests their foreheads together, and watch each other, no words needed as they communicated with just a look, they both knew that everything was going to be fine between them, that their love would help to overcome whatever problems they had, that the next step was simply a formality.

_and through it all she offers me protection  
a lot of love and affection  
whether I'm right or wrong  
and down the waterfall  
wherever it may take me  
I know that life won't break me  
when I come to call she won't forsake me  
I'm loving angels instead_


	32. The Talk Pt 1

**This update has been split into two parts, has it was getting really long. The second part is written and will be up sometime over the weekend. Enjoy!**

Arriving at the trailer, and pulling up alongside it, Derek stopped the car, looking over at Meredith he could see that she was nervous, she had been fidgeting ever since they got off the ferry, he could admit to himself that he was terrified about this talk. He had never been fully comfortable talking about his feelings, often he would avoid it, especially talking to Addison but he knew that in the end this would make them stronger.

"Meredith" he said quietly.

Meredith was staring at the trailer in front of her, trying to fight of the wave of nausea, the last time that she was at the trailer was the night after Addison arrived in Seattle. She loved this trailer and what it represented, it represented a time in her life when she was at her happiest.

"Sorry, i guess i am a little nervous"

"Me too, Meredith, i have a bottle of wine in the fridge, i think we could do with some"

"Tequila would be nice about now"

"Unfortunately I don't have any of that" he said, grabbing her hand and squeezing it. "Meredith, I am not going anywhere I promise, but we need to do this"

"I know Der...But I am an avoider; I live under the banner of avoidance, and this is big"

"Yeah but avoiding isn't going to help Mer, come in when you are ready Mer, I will get us some wine" he said, knowing that she just needed a little space, Derek left her in the car but taking his car keys inside with him and waited for Meredith to join him.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Derek was pacing the length of the trailer trying not looking outside, he could bear it if she drove away, he was so lost in his own thoughts he didn't see Meredith stood in the doorway watching him.

"Derek" she said quietly, Derek spun around, almost surprised to see her.

"Meredith...you"

"We need to talk, i know we do Derek but i am terrified..."

"Mer"

"No; don't interrupt, i need to get this out" Derek nodded, and Meredith walked up to him. "I am terrified every day that i am only to lose you that Ava will lose you" she took a deep breath, and looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes.

"You choose Addison over me, after i begged you to pick me, choose me, love me. You broke me, the way my dad never could. You were the first person that i loved since the day my father walked out on me, when i was five. You know when I discovered that I was pregnant; I never even thought about getting rid of the baby, she was the only part of you that I had left, so I decided to leave. Leaving Seattle was easy but leaving you...god...it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. The night before I left, you came over mine do you remember what was one of the last things I said to you?" Derek tried to think back to that night but it was one of the memories that he had trouble accessing, he shook his head. "I told you that we loved you" she said not able to stop the tears from flowing.

Derek couldn't stand there any longer; he took the few steps and pulled her into his arms, holding her close while he tried to comfort her. After what felt like an eternity Meredith pulled away from Derek, and walked over to where Derek had left the wine off the side and poured herself a glass, drinking it quickly, before turning back to Derek.

"I guess I needed to get that off my chest"

"That is what tonight is all about Meredith, get everything off our chests"

"Why did you not tell me about Addison?" she asked, Derek searched her face, knowing that this is one of the questions that she had always wanted to ask. He took her hand in his and sat her down on the couch and he sat next to her.

"Honestly, I don't know, I know that isn't the answer you are looking for, but all I know was I was scared I was going to lose you, that you would walk away. That night, the night she showed up, I was going to tell you, I promise you that Meredith, I had fallen in love with you"

"You were still married Derek" she said pulling her hand away from him, and standing up. "You turned what we had into an affair, Derek; you turned me into the other woman"

"Meredith, we were never an affair, you were not an affair, please if you are only to trust me one thing, than trust me on that"

"I don't know if I can, Derek. You know I thought that I had found the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with, it was bad enough that she turned up, than you choose her, I got that she was your wife, but she also cheated on you with your best friend, I would never had done that to you, Derek"

"I know I hurt you Meredith, I never realised how much until today, I don't remember much of the few days leading up to the accident, but it was the vows, which made me choose her. When I married her, I thought that she was it, I always knew that I didn't love the way I should, they way I loved, still love you, but she was my wife, that is 11 Christmas's, 11 birthday's you can't expect me to forget about that, Meredith. I can't say that is an excuse but I think I needed to try and make my marriage work, no matter what I felt about you; but I know that was wrong Meredith. I loved Addison I did; but not the same way that I loved you"

"Of course you loved her, you married her"

"I did; and might not remember much from that time; but I do remember you leaving; and chasing you to the airport, and telling Addison that the person I loved was leaving" Derek could see that Meredith wasn't completely surprised by that bit of news. "You knew?"


	33. The Talk Pt 2

"Not exactly"

"Meredith..." Derek asked, and she looked down at her hands.

"Addison phoned me two months after your accident; and told me what happened. I came back to Seattle to see you, I needed to see how you were; I stayed by your bedside for two months, until you woke up; you looked at me like I was a stranger, you asked me who I was; you didn't remember me" she said sobbing. Derek looked at her, wanting to take her in his arms but he could see how much he hurt her and that he was the reason she left Seattle again. "I was six months pregnant at the time"

"Mer...You shouldn't have had to go through the pregnancy by yourself"

"I didn't, I had a friend who helped me"

"Who?"

"Does it matter, Derek?" she asked.

"I would like to know who was around my daughter"

"Fine, Nathan"

"Nathan" he almost growled out, unable to hide the jealously at the thought of another man touching her, Meredith could read the jealously in his eyes, in a way it made her feel good that she still had that power over him but in another way she hated seeing him going through so much pain. She took the step back to him, and reached out her hand and gently caressed his cheek with her hand.

"Derek; he was just a friend, a good friend" she said deciding not to mention anything about the one date they had, the one that was interrupted by the call about his accident.

"Was he there when Ava was born?" he wasn't sure that he wanted to know, a part of him hoped that she wasn't on her own through the birth of their daughter but hated the idea of another man holding his child first.

"No he wasn't" she took his hand in her.

"Were you on your own?"

"No; i had my friend Sadie with me" she told him.

"Good, i couldn't bear the thought of you going through that alone"

"Well next time I won't be because you will be there by my side" she told him, with a small smile, he leant down and captured her lips with his own; Meredith wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body up against his, as she deepened the kiss.

His hand roamed over her back and down to her arse, and finding their way under her dress, his hands resting on her butt as their tongues duelled for dominance, exploring each other mouths, needing to taste each other. The kiss slowed and became one full of the love they had for each other, the need to reassure each other until they needed air and they regretfully and slowly parted still clinging on to each other, resting their foreheads together as they both caught their breath's, and just for a moment, getting lost in each other's eyes, the eyes that held so much love until they realised where they were and what they were doing.

"I never stopped loving you, Derek"

"And I never stopping loving you either, Meredith, deep down inside i never forgot, i always knew that there was something more for me" he told her with a smile, before kissing her lightly on the lips.

"Meredith what are you so scared of?"

"Of losing you, that you will choose her or somebody else over me again. And that Ava will lose her father, and I don't want Ava to go through what I went through"

"Meredith that will never happen, I made the mistake choosing Addie over you in the first place, I will not make that mistake again. I love you, you need to believe in me, believe in us Meredith and unless that happens this won't work, and I do not want lose you; but I do promise no matter what ever happens between us I will always be there for Ava, she will always know that she is loved"

"I know that Derek I do; but I think I let my fears and insecurities get in the way"

"Honestly, you do Meredith, and I know you haven't had it easy with your mom; and I know she was never there for you, but I will be, in whatever way you will let me" he told her pulling her towards him. "You need to let me in, Meredith"

"Okay but you need to also ask me stuff, don't just assume that it is okay with me"

"What are you talking about?"

"I am talking about the day that we had Josh, I love Josh but you never even asked me if it was okay, you need to consult me about things Derek, that is all I ask"

"I can do that"

"Good and I promise to stop being such a bitch"

"You aren..."

"Derek; I have been pushing you away, in my own warped sense; I have been trying to protect myself, I thought that if I pushed you away that when you actually did walk away it wouldn't hurt as much but I know that is wrong. I barely survived last time, and this time I wouldn't. 'I am so sorry" Meredith said, Derek pressed his lips against hers.

"Just promise me; that if there are any other issues you will talk to me, we need to communicate Meredith and you need to learn to trust me"

"I will work on that, I promise you"

"Good, I love you so much" he said caressing her cheek and smiling at her before pulling her towards him, and meeting her lips, his hands going to the back of her dress and lifting her up, and Meredith's legs wrapping around his waist, so he could carry her over to the bed.


	34. Show Me Love

**Rated Mature, this is unbeta'ed so any mistakes are my own. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 34- Show me love**

Derek started kissing her neck, finding and sucking on the spot that he knew drove her wild. Derek wanted to be inside of her, he needed to show her how much he loved her and needed her to know that he wasn't going anywhere, at least not without a fight. He could now remember how strong she was when they first met, three years previously, and that some of Meredith's fear and insecurities was because of his choices. Derek could shoot himself for choose Addison over Meredith. After what Addison did to him, he never thought that he would be able to trust anyone ever again, but yet Meredith was like no other woman he had never met, she was a breath of fresh air; and she had saved him from drowning. He would make her trust him again; even if it was one of the last things that he did.

He needed Meredith in his life, the last few months had been proved that, and that his memories had returned when Meredith walked back into his life, he knew that she was the love of his life. He knew he had made a huge mistake in choosing Addison when he was aware that he had fallen in love with Meredith Grey, but it was fear that made him turn away from that love. He had never felt that way about anyone before and it scared him, so much so that it made him run to his wife.

"Derek" Meredith said she could see him thinking. He looked down into her beautiful green eyes, and he made a vow to himself, he would show Meredith every day how much he loved her, so that she would never doubt his love again.

"I am so sorry for everything, Meredith"

"Derek, we are both to blame, we both hid ourselves from each other but we can't do that again, we need to be honest with each other"

"Meredith, I'll make a deal with you, anything like this happens again we need to sit down and talk, and I think we should at least once a fortnight; have a date night, without Ava, and there are plenty of people that will be willing to look after her"

"Yeah" Meredith said, Derek noticed that she didn't sound too enthusiastic about that but he knew how much she hated leaving Ava with anyone including her friends.

"Mer, we need to have some time alone together so we don't forget what it like to be a couple" Derek told her; Meredith gave him a hesitated smile before pulling him down towards her so she could kiss him.

"Enough talking make love to me"

"Yes ma'am" he said, smashing his lips against her mouth, his tongue begging for entry, as she parted her lips allowing him entry, the kiss was one that was full of love, he worked on kissing her neck finding the spot that he knew was an erogenous zone for her. Pulling her off the bed, she wrapped her legs around his waist and Derek with one hand on her back removed her dress, Derek laid her back on the bed, just wearing a lacy black thong and bra.

"You are so beautiful" he told her, his eyes sweeping over her body before rejoining her on the bed, removing her bra, he took a nipple in his mouth. Sucking on the areola and gently nipping, before swapping over to her other nipple and giving it the same attention.

Meredith arched her back enjoying the sensations that ran through her body, running her fingers through Derek's dark curls, which she loved to pull on as he made her body sing. Derek peppered kisses over her taut stomach, before working his way down to her wet core. He ran his tongue over her thong, which was already wet with her juices; causing her to shiver, he couldn't help the grin that he felt come on, knowing that she was so wet for him. He ripped off her panties, and he buried his nose in her curls, and breathing in deeply, smelling her.

"Derek" she moaned.

"You smell so good" he said, as his hand spread her legs a little more, and his tongue ran over her clit as his hand held onto her hips to stop her from moving. He began to suck on her clit, and gently applied pressure, before placing two fingers inside of her. Meredith gripped the sheets, as she felt the sensations that ran through her body, shooting up from her core where Derek fingers for driving her wild with desire. Derek kept applying pressure to her g-spot, which his fingers before removing them, as she began to tremble underneath him, licking his fingers off because replaced them with his tongue; he gently bit down on her clit, causing Meredith orgasm to explode.

"Derrrrrrrrrrr" she called out, pulling on his hair, her hip lifting of the bed as he licked her clean, rejoining her he kissed her hard; she could taste himself on him.

"You are way over dressed, Dr Shepherd" she told him, he flashed her a smile, before standing up and pulled off his shirt, as Meredith undid his trousers, and pulled down his boxers, he stepped out of them.

Meredith wrapped her hand around the base of his cock, and licking her lips, she ran her tongue over the tip of his cock, tasting the pre-cum that was gathering there. Meredith took him in her mouth; Derek grabbed her hair, and gently started to thrust his cock into her mouth.

"Meredith" he moaned as she took him fully into her mouth, her tongue swirled around his already strained cock. "Mere..." he said breathlessly, he didn't want to come like this. He needed to be buried inside her; he wanted to come inside of her. "Mer...Stop" he managed to get out.

"What?" she asked him, letting his cock drop out of her mouth.

"On the bed, I want to come inside you" he told her, and gently pushed her back on the bed, before rejoining her, staring into her green eyes; he kissed her, parting her legs so his erection fall between her legs his tips brushing against her folds.

Derek reached for a condom and pulled one out before rolling it on his penis, keeping their eyes locked on each other as he slowly entered her, his thick cock filling her completely until he was totally immersed inside of her. Derek kept his eyes trained on Mer, he had never felt so at peace has he did being buried in Meredith Grey.

Derek moved down to her neck and started to gently thrust into her, moaning her name as he felt the tip of his cock hit her cervix.

"Mer..."

Meredith moved her hips to match his thrust, causing them both to moan out each other names. Derek rubbed her clit, with his thumb.

"God Derek" she moaned

"Fuck Mer" he groaned, as he rubbed her clit, has he sped up his thrusts, and sucking on her nipple, which brought her to the edge, screaming out his name as her orgasm intensified.

"Der"

"Oh god" she murmured coming down from her high. Derek kissed her, as he started to move inside her again, knowing that he wasn't going to last much longer.

"God...Mer" he moaned, when she tightening her walls around his already strained cock, he was really to explode, but he wanted tonight to last.

"Derek"

"Wrap your legs around my waist, Meredith" he needed to be deeper inside of her, as she did he pulled her towards him, instinctively she lifted her hips of the bed, Derek held her hips with his hands as he repositioned himself and started thrusting harder and faster.

"Derek, please..." she begged, needing him so badly.

"Mer...i need..." he panted, wanting to let him go but he wanted her to cum again before he did, he thrusted into her even harder, his cock hitting her g-spot as he rammed into her, his cock sliding effortlessly within her slick walls.

"Yes...Der" she called out.

"Cum for me" he said in her ear, feeling her tremble underneath him.

"I...I...can't" Derek applied more pressure to her clit; she felt the familiar wave of her orgasm starting.

"Cum, Mer, cum for me" he said sucking on her earlobe, as she exploded around him, calling out his name.

"Oh...Derek" Derek lets go of his self control allowing himself to finally exploded, roaring her name.

"Mer...fuck" he called out as he twitched inside of her and gently collapsed on top of her, giving her a kiss on the forehead and buried his head in the crook of her neck, planting little kisses as he tried to catch his breath. Meredith threaded her fingers through his dark curls; she had never felt so sated. With Derek still buried inside of her, she kissed his head and wrapped her arms around him, never wanting to let him go.

"Mer, I love you"

"I love you too" she murmured, still holding him tight, not wanting to let him go, they held onto each other tightly, has their exhausting night grew to a close and they both found themselves falling asleep in each other embrace.


	35. Breakfast

**Finally the update is here, sorry it took so long but after the last update I had no clue what to write. A huge thanks to Jenny for all her help with this update, love ya hun.**

**Chapter 35**

Derek woke up to an empty bed; he usually woke before Meredith; as she wasn't a morning person but apparently that was not true to say this morning. He grabbed his robe off the chair and he made his way downstairs to find Meredith in the kitchen; standing at the stove. He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, and buried his nose in her hair taking in a deep breath, breathing in the smell of her lavender conditioner, before dropping a kiss in the crook of her neck.

"Good morning beautiful" he whispered in her ear. "What are you doing?" he asked, knowing full well that she rarely cooked breakfast.

"Cooking breakfast, i do have a two year old to feed and pancakes I can do as long as I don't get distracted" she told him, even though he knew that.

"Is that a hint?" he said, nibbling on her earlobe, his hands working their way underneath her shorts when they heard Ava calling out through the baby monitor.

"Mama...dada" Derek groaned and dropped another kiss on the crook of her neck. "I'll go and get her, you finish cooking breakfast, please try not to burn the house down" he said with a laugh as Meredith threw a tea towel at him.

"Go and get our daughter" she said to him; before turning back to the stove seeing the burnt pancakes in the pan. She muttered to herself 'that is why i didn't want any distractions'.

Derek walked into Ava's bedroom expecting to find her as usual stood up in her cot, babbling to herself, but has he walked in, he found Ava with her leg over the top of the bars.

"Ava, what are you doing?" he cried out, rushing over to her, on hearing her daddy's voice she looked up at her daddy and smiled.

"Dada, Av out" she said excitedly, not understanding why her daddy looked upset at her.

"Ava, you have to stay in the cot, you could fall and hurt yourself" he told her, grabbing her, scared that she would fall.

"No" she cried out. "Av wan mama"

"Ava"

"No dada, Mama, Mama" she cried out.

"Derek is everything alright?" Meredith asked standing in the doorway.

"Mama" Ava said wriggling in her father's arm, at hearing her mother's voice. On seeing her mommy, she outstretched her arms and Derek put her on the floor as she continued to wriggle in his arms, as soon as he let her go, she ran over to her mommy, who bent down and picked her up. "Av...Big gurl" she said, resting her head on her mother shoulder.

"I found her trying to climb out of her cot" Derek told her, Meredith nodded before turning to her daughter.

"Ava, mommy told you to stop doing that, you will fall and hurt yourself" Meredith said to her daughter running her fingers through Ava's curls like she did every morning.

"Wait, you never told me she tried to do that"

"Derek she has been trying to climb out of her cot since she was 18 months, i think it time we try her with a big bed. What do you say Ava?"

"Bed, mama and dada bed?" she asked innocently.

"Not quite baba" Meredith said smiling at Ava as she turned back to Derek "The cot transforms into a child bed, so I think we should maybe do that today"

"Is she old enough, i don't think it's safe"

"Derek, she is 2 and half, i was going to take her out of the cot in a few months anyway, and I would rather do it early than risk her hurting herself. And if it works, next year she can have a proper bed" she told him, giving Ava another kiss on the head. "Let's go and get some breakfast?"

"Pan...pan momma"

"Yes, mommy done you pancakes, it is the only thing mommy knows how to cook" she said. "You coming?" she turned back to Derek.

"Yeah i will there in a minute"

"Okay, love you" Mer said carrying their daughter out of the nursery taking Ava downstairs, while Derek looked around Ava's bedroom, thinking about what Meredith said, and decided that he would transform her cot his afternoon, since he had the day off.

Meredith placed Ava in her high chair, placing her pancakes in front of her and Ava tucked right in, just has Derek came into the kitchen.

"Derek, you okay?"

"Yeah" he said as she put his plate in front of him, Derek pulled her down onto his lap.

"Derek; what are you doing?" she squealed, as he started to nibble on her neck and run his hands up and down her sides.

"Nothing"

"I should hope not, our daughter is at the table" she said, taking a quick glance over to where Ava was sat and satisfied that she was still eating and not paying any attention to them, before she made the move to quickly straddle him. She quickly gyrated her hips over him and kissed him hard before she pulled away and got up to sit on the other side of the table.

"Meredith" He groaned at her as his pants became entirely uncomfortable

"Derek" she said in response, making eye contact with him whilst grinning seductively at him before looking away and busying herself with Ava. As he watched Meredith and Ava, the plans that he had made earlier fell to the wayside. He decided that he needed to spend time with them as a family, he needed to spend time with Meredith and Ava, but also alone with Meredith, smiling to himself he started eating, while sneaking glances towards his girlfriend and daughter, the two women in his life who meant more than anything to him.


	36. Smut Alert

**Rated Mature, Please be advised this update is not suitable for Under 18's so read at your own discretion. Enjoy!**

**A/N Thanks to all those that have add this fic to their story alert, favourite story or to your favourite authours list, and especially to those of you who leave me reviews. I love and appreciate every single one and that i hope my the time this story is over in 7 updates time that this story would have reached 200 reviews. Again thank you.  
**

**Chapter 36**

Derek put Ava into bed before coming back downstairs to find Meredith stood in the utility room, sorting out the laundry from that morning; Derek walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulling her towards him, his erection pressing against her lower back and he started nibbling and sucking at the sweet spot on her neck, knowing exactly how to turn her on.

"Derek" she warned.

"What? Our little princess is asleep; and I want you"

"Derek, there is housework to be done, and i wanted to do it before Ava wakes back up" she told him, has his fingers began working on undoing her jeans.

"That can wait, this can't" he said in her ear, before turning her around and sitting her on the top of the washing machine. Capturing her lips with his own before Meredith could mutter a word, he could feel her resistance at first, but has he pressed the kiss, she began to melt into it and before long she was kissing him back with just has much passion as he was kissing her. Her fingers running through his dark raven hair, and her legs automatically wrapping around his waist, only pulling away when they needed to breathe, Derek rested his head against hers.

"That was not fair"

"What!" he exclaimed smirking slightly.

"You know what?"

"Do I? I love you" he said changing the subject.

"Derek" she warned, Derek smiled at her once more, before once again capturing her lips with his own. His hands worked their way underneath her t-shirt and realising the she didn't have a bra on.

"You little minx" he said against her mouth. "I am sure that you had a bra on this morning"

"What? I know you Derek, you forget that"

"I do" he said, running his thumb over her nipple, which reacted quickly to his touch, and lifted her t-shirt over her head, her perked breasts sitting in front of him. Quickly taking a nipple in his mouth, and sucked around the areola, before gently biting down on it.

"Derek" she moaned, before he paid attention to her other nipple, repeating the same actions has before. Derek lifted her off the washing machine, so he could pull her jeans and panties down over her arse, and pushing her backward so she was leant against the wall; he removed the rest of her clothes, and spreading her legs and buried his nose in her already wet core, and breathing the smell of her arousal.

"I love you" he murmured as his tongue ran up and down her clit, repeating the stroke several times before plunging his tongue inside of her, hard, fast and deep, and as he did she grabbed his hair, and pulled on it as she felt her orgasm began to wash over her, her body trembling under his expert tongue.

"Oh...Derek" she moaned as her orgasm hit her, hard and fast and she screamed out his name, and Derek placing a hand over her mouth so not to wake Ava, she screamed into his hand.

"Oh...god I Love you too" she said as he came face to face with her and she kissed him hard still coming down from her orgasm, as their tongues meshed she was able to taste herself on him.

Once she came down from her high, Meredith pushed Derek away from her and against the wall, and kissing him hard as her fingers worked on his trousers, undoing them, and pushing his trousers and boxers down, his erection, making itself evident once free from it confines, getting down onto her knees, she swirled her tongue around the head of his cock, licking off the pre-cum that had gathered there before taking him fully into her mouth.

"Fuck...Mer that is so good" he moaned as her mouth and tongue continued to massage his cock, and her hands started to play with his balls, and he could feel himself losing control.

"Mer" he moaned out her name, his fingers finding their way into her hair, and feeling the build up of his orgasm, he started to gently pump in and out of her mouth, his cock gently going down the back of her throat. As his cock started to pulsate in her mouth, she began to suck his cock, and he quickly thrusted his cock in her mouth as he spilled his juice into her mouth.

"Meredith" he called out loudly, as came in her mouth. Meredith swallowed, but come escaping from the side of her mouth, licked him clean before standing up and kissing him on the mouth.

"I love it when you do that" he said against her mouth, in between kisses.

"Fuck me, Derek" she murmured against his lips, Derek smiled lifting her up and carried her into the kitchen sitting her on the edge of kitchen table, before pushing her back, so she was laying down across the table and pulling her close to him, his fingers rubbed her nipples, twisting and pinching them before placing the tip of his cock at her entrance.

"Mer, condom?" he asked, Meredith shook her head, and wrapped her legs around his waist.

"I want to feel you inside of me"

"Are you sure?" he asked, she smiled at him, moving herself closer to him, so his cock entered her slightly.

"Please Derek" she moaned, and he entered her swiftly until he filled her up. "Fuck..." she murmured, as he started to move slowly inside of her, and wrapping his arms around her back, he pulled her up so she was eye level with him, and kissed her hard and deep, his tongue darting in and out her mouth, matching his thrusts.

"Mer" he moaned into her mouth, his hands finding their way to her arse, and bringing her forward slightly, Meredith unwrapped her legs so they were resting on the floor and tilting her pelvis, the tip of Derek cock, hitting her cervix with each thrust.

"Derek...fuck" she panted.

"Open your eyes" Derek said, pausing his movement until she looked at him, Meredith opened her eyes and look straight into his blue orbs, as he sped up his thrusts, each thrusting hitting the tip of her cervix harder and harder.

"Derek..."

"Mer..." he moaned into her neck as he started sucking and nipping at the spot which drove her wild with lust, and Meredith could feel him pulsating inside of her, and knew from his breathing that he was close. Derek placed a fingers between them, rubbing her clit with his thumb, has she started to tremble in his arms. "Cum for me, Mer" he whispered in her ear, before pulling out and thrusting back in hard, pinching her clit at the same time' she screamed his name, in his shoulder, as her walls tightened around his cock, he knew he wouldn't last much longer so with one last hard thrust he exploded inside of her, he called her name into her neck, as their juices mixed together, they clung to each other in the throes of passion, as they came down from their high, holding each tightly.

"Wow" Meredith whimpered against his mouth, as he kissed her, their tongues meshing together as he pulled out of her.

"Yeah...I love you"

"I love you too"


	37. Meeting Ma

**This is an extra long update since I have made you wait so long for it. RL has been so manic lately and I am finding it hard to find time to write. And there is only about 3 more chapters left. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 37- Meeting Ma**

Derek was stood by the front door, holding Ava in his arms waiting for Meredith to come down from the bedroom, he understood that she was nervous, hell he was too, but he knew they needed to leave soon as his mother hated it when people were late.

"Meredith, we are going to be late" he called up the stairs.

"Mama" Ava called out after her daddy.

"Okay I'm coming" she yelled back down as she took another quick glance at herself in the mirror, and ran her hands over her dress, it was a deep midnight blue in colour and it rested on her knees, she also decided to go with a small pair of black heels. Derek had told her that didn't need to dress up but she wanted to make a good impression, this was Derek's mom after all.

"Meredith, we need to leave" he called up the stairs again.

"Fine" she said through gritted teeth, she wasn't sure that she could do this, she wanted to run, but she needed to do this for Derek and Ava, things had finally come together for them and tonight was the night that Meredith needed to be strong for herself and for Ava. Walking out of the bedroom, she took a deep breath before hitting the stairs.

"Meredith" Derek breathed out as she walked down the stairs, she immediately took his breath away.

"Mommy pwetty" Ava said, running over to her mother as she automatically lifted her arms up. Meredith lifted her up and gave her daughter a kiss on the head. She walked over to Derek who gave her a smile as he leant in kissing her lightly on the lips. He took her hand and rubbed over the top of her hand with his thumb.

"I promise Mer it will be fine. It's only my mom, Amy and Josh will be there as well. I love you" he said as he kissed her forehead, for some reason he found it difficult to stop kissing and touching her.

"I love you too"

"I love you mama, dada" Ava piped in.

"We love you too, baby" Meredith told her daughter, as she let Derek guide her out of the house. His hand was possessively positioned on her lower back.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"Hey Ma" Derek greeted his mother, pulling her in for a hug. "Amy and Josh arrived yet?"

"No"

"They will be here soon mom, I know Josh was looking forward to meeting his grandma" he said, trying to butter her up as for the second time that night he remembered how much she hated people being late. "Mom, I have someone for you to meet" he said pulling Meredith and Ava out from behind him.

"Mom, this is my girlfriend Meredith Grey and our daughter Ava. Meredith, this is Carolyn, my mom"

"Nice to meet you Mrs Shepherd" Meredith said with a smile, the hand that Derek placed on her lower back gave her some confidence.

"You too Meredith, my son has told me so much about you" she said not taking her eyes of her son and his girlfriend. She watched as Derek pulled out a chair for Meredith, before taking Ava out of her arms he whispered something in her ear causing her to laugh, and he gave his daughter a kiss on the head. He flashed Meredith a smile that she hadn't seen since before his father died. And she noticed how he pulled his chair closer to Meredith, and that Meredith automatically leaned into him even though she was sorting out Ava in the high chair.

"So Meredith, Derek tells me you are a neuro resident?"

"Yes I am"

"What year?"

"Well i am in my fourth year of residency"

"What made you choose neuro?" Carolyn didn't miss the quick look that Meredith shot Derek, who simply nodded at her.

"I had an amazing teacher, Mrs Shepherd" she told her.

"Meredith showed an amazing instinct for neuro, on her first day as an intern she helped to save a young girls life, and that sold her to me. I had her on every neuro case I could, at least until she left." he said as Meredith played with her napkin.

"Where did you go to do your residency?" she asked, she noticed that Meredith was upset that Derek shared that part.

"After leaving Seattle I moved to Oregon, until a few months ago." Meredith said, taking strength from Derek's hand which rested on her knee as his thumb made small circular movements on the side of it.

"What made you decide to come back?"

"Seattle is my home, and this is where my family is, and by association Ava's family"

"Of course Ava's family is here, her father is here..."

"Mom" Derek said sternly.

"It's okay Derek" Meredith said giving him a small smile as she reached under the table and squeezed his hand.

"Mrs Shepherd, I know what you are thinking but I can assure you that I knew Derek was still married, and I did not come back to break up his marriage, even though I knew it was based on lies. I came back because I needed to be close to my family." Meredith could feel Derek's eyes on her, but she ignored it. "I didn't want Derek to find out about our past relationship, especially as his choose his wife over me, even after two years of being away I still had to deal with the stares and the whispers especially when everyone saw Ava"

"Mer, I never knew"

"You weren't supposed to Derek, like everything else in my life, I dealt with it on my own"

"You don't have to..." Derek began to say to her but Meredith leaned him and kissed him gently on the mouth, softly.

"Mama, Dada, me hunwy!" Ava declared causing Meredith and Derek to pull away from each other.

"Auntie Amy will be here soon, sweetie" Meredith told her daughter.

"Jojo"

"Josh too princess" Derek reached over to the bag beside him and pulled out her seal handing it to Ava for her to play with, until Amy and Josh arrived.

"Mama, see"

"Yes Ava, you going to say hi to your grandma" Meredith said ruffling her curls.

"Hi" she said shyly, trying to tuck her head behind her mother's arm, causing Meredith to giggle at her daughter.

"Ava, you are not shy"

"Uncle Derek" they heard Josh shout across the restaurant and Derek saw him running towards him.

"Hey J-man" Derek greeted his nephew as he wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Jojo, Jojo, Jojo" Ava said pulling away from her mother and she started bouncing in her high chair, waving her little arms at her cousin.

"Hi Ava" Josh said walking over to his little cousin and giving her a cuddle.

"Hey Derek, Meredith" Amy said giving them both a hug, noticing that her son sat right next to Ava. She knew how much Josh adored his cousin, and it made her feel a little guilty that she had kept him from his other cousins. "Hi ma" she says turning to her mother, but not letting go of her brother, she needed his strength right now.

"Amy, I am so glad that you made it" Carolyn said with a smile, even she could admit how nice it was seeing her daughter again, but it also hurt how much she could tell that her daughter didn't trust her. It was obviously apparent by the way that she clung to Derek.

"Hello Joshua" Carolyn said to her grandson, looking at him closely for the first time, and she could see how much he looked like his mother and uncle. She noted how Ava and Josh almost looked like brother and sister, Carolyn knew she made a mistake 7 years ago when she refused to support Amy, and she just hoped that in time Amy would forgive her.

"Hello" he said shyly, glancing over at his mommy and Amy nodded at him, smiling at her son.

"Josh, this is your grandma" Amy said to her son, she noticed the brief look of pain that crossed her mother's eyes when Josh greeted her so coolly, but she couldn't feel sorry for her, not after everything and if it wasn't for Derek and Meredith she would never have come. "Mom, this is Josh"

"You are my Nana?" he asked.

"Yes, Josh"

"And Ava's Nana? She is my cousin." He stated proudly.

"Yeah i am" Carolyn answered her grandson; Josh climbed off his chair and wrapped his arms around Carolyn's waist.

"I always wanted a Nana" Josh said, he knew that his friends had Nanas but he never had one, and always wanted one. He remembered making his mommy sad the year before when he asked her why he didn't have a nana. Carolyn picked him up and sat Josh on her lap.

"I am so sorry, Josh" she murmured into his hair, allowing the tears to escape that she had held back for so long.

"What are you sorry for Nana?" he asked innocently.

"Ma" Amy's tone warned her.

"Nothing you need to worry about Josh" she told him before turning to her daughter "Amy, i hope you can forgive me?" She asked as she held Josh tightly to her.

"I don't know ma, i want too, but you hurt me"

"I know Amy and if I could take it back I would. I am so sorry." Carolyn told her youngest daughter.

"Sometimes sorry isn't good enough ma, I needed you, I needed my mom and you told me how I was such a disappointment to you and that the best thing I could do was abort my baby"

"I was so angry Amy when you told me you were pregnant; your father always wanted all of you to have a chance for a career; the chance that he never had. I felt that you were throwing your life away. I ought to have known better than that you were always your father's daughter Amy, even more so then Kathy, Nancy or Olivia. You and Derek your father adored, not that he would ever admit that." Carolyn smiled at the thought. "And I felt that you were letting him down, I know you barely remember daddy Amy, but you are so much like him. He would have had a few words with me long before now about how I have treated you, and for that I am so sorry Amy" Carolyn didn't want to discuss this in a restaurant but she knew how stubborn her daughter was that she would never get the chance again. She reached out and grasped her hand.

"Ma, I like to think daddy would have been proud of me. I could have given up college when I had Joshua. I almost did but Derek and Mark wouldn't let me; they supported me and when I had Josh, I hardly missed any time because they helped me, whether it was looking after Josh or arranging a sitter, just so I could still go to college. I made it, and no it hasn't been easy but I have been lucky to have an amazing brother." She said as she looked over to her brother who was whispering something in Meredith's ear.

"Dad would have been so proud of you Amy, and so am I. I know that I haven't shown it but I am really sorry for our estrangement"

"Ma, I love you i do, but things aren't going to automatically go back to how things were."

"I know that Amy, i just want a chance to get to know my daughter again and my grandson"

"Okay, but we do this at my pace mom. I need time, i can't just forget and I can't speak to any of the sisters yet"

"I understand Amy, thank you" Amy just smiled at her mother, before engaging Meredith in small talk.

Carolyn watched her children carefully and could see how happy they both were; watching Derek and Meredith together reminded her of her late husband. She could see that Meredith brought out the best of Derek and that she had not seen her son so happy and carefree since before Christopher died when he was a child, they fit each other so well. She regretted allowing Addison to lie to her son, at the time she thought that it was what was best for Derek but she was so wrong. It was clear that Meredith loved Derek so much and Derek was for the first time truly happy.

Watching Amy with Josh, she was glad that she sorted things out with her daughter, she was aware that it would take Amy time to forgive her, but she hoped that Amy would give the rest of the family the same chance. She knew the reason that Amy didn't talk to any of the girls was because she felt that they had sided with her, when actually Kathy and Nancy supported her but because of herself imposed exile when she was pregnant she never reached out to them, Carolyn knew that the girls felt that she withdrew from the family but Carolyn knew if it wasn't for her reaction to her daughter's pregnancy than Amy would never have felt the need to withdraw and if it was one of the last things she did, she would make it up to Amy.


	38. Tonight I am going to Ask

A/N I am so sorry about the wait between updates and I am really struggling to finish this fic, my muse as decided to disappear on me, and I am so busy with work. There is only one more chapter left and an epilogue to come. Enjoy!

**Chapter 38- Tonight I am going to Ask.**

Derek was pacing the lounge, waiting for Meredith to come down; Ava was sat on the floor in her dress watching Dora the Explorer, while they waited for Meredith. Derek thought back to three months previously when his mother was in town and he started seriously thinking about proposing to Meredith.

_flashback_

_Derek walked into his mothers hotel room, and saw her sitting on the bed, Derek saw her holding her engagement ring in her hand._

"_Hey Ma" he said leaning against the doorway._

"_Derek" she murmured, looking up "You looked just like you're father"_

"_You okay, Ma?" he asked her, sitting down next to her on the bed._

"_Yes dear, just thinking about your father. I still miss him"_

"_I know Ma, so do I"_

"_He would be so proud of you, Derek"_

"_I hope so Ma"_

"_He would love Meredith, Derek"_

"_I think so"_

"_Derek, I have never seen you look at anyone the way you look at Meredith, and vice versa. I know you have met the person that you will spend the rest of your life with, and I want you to take this" she said pressing her engagement ring into his palm._

"_Ma, I can't take this, it is your's"_

"_Derek, after you were born, your father told me that one day I would have to give this to you when you meet the right person, obviously I didn't give it too you when you married Addie. I knew she wasn't the woman that you were going to spend the rest of your life with. You see things in black and white Derek, Meredith doesn't; you need a taste of that. I love you son"_

"_I love you too Ma" he said with a huge smile and Carolyn knew in that in moment that Meredith was the girl for her only son._

And ever since his mom had pressed that ring into his hand, he hadn't been able to get the idea of proposing out of his head, but he wanted it to be perfect. And he knew when his mom had called him, a couple of days ago and saying that the sisters wanted to meet Meredith and Ava; he knew it was the perfect time. Tonight I am going to ask Meredith Grey to marry me.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith was surprised when they pulled up outside the Space Needle; she noticed how quiet Derek was on the way over from the house.

"You okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine"

"That is my line Derek" she said with a smile. Derek leant over and gently captured her lips with his own.

"I love you" he murmured against her lips.

"I love you too. Your family will be waiting for us"

"Yeah" he said with a smile, and climbing out of the car. Meredith smiled at him and turns behind her to let Ava out of her car seat who automatically climbed over the seat and sat herself in her mommy's lap.

"Daddy" she said has Derek opened the door for Meredith.

"Hello princess" Derek said taking Ava from Meredith and wrapping his free arm around Meredith. "You ready to meet Auntie Kathy, Nancy and Liv"

"Jojo" she asked, causing Meredith to giggle.

"Yes Ava, Josh will be here too" he told her, and could hear Meredith laughing next to him. "What is so funny?"

"She is meeting her family and the only one she cares about is Josh"

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"A little nervous" she admitted to him.

"My sisters will love you; Nancy maybe a bitch at time but ignore her"

"Nancy was friends with Addison, right?"

"Yes, she introduced us at college, but none of that matters now and beside mom and Amy loves you and at the end of the day that is all that matters" he said kissing her gently before leading her into the space needle.

"You sure about this Meredith, this is our last chance to run" he said as the entered the restaurant.

"Derek Shepherd, this is your family we are meeting, we are not running anywhere" she said to him, taking Ava from him, right now she needed her baby, her little girl, anything that would stop her from taking Derek up on his offer to run.

Derek put his arm around her waist and pulled her close to him, he wasn't going to let her go. Looking down at Meredith, he knew that he was just as nervous as she was. This would be the first time that she would meet Kath, Nancy and Liv. He would rather it was separate but his sisters had insisted and he couldn't say no when Kathy asked him.

"Derek" he heard Kathy called his name and saw his oldest sister walking over to him.

"Hey Kathy" he said letting her pull him in to a hug but not letting go Meredith and Ava.

"You must be Meredith, I am Kath, and this must be Ava" she said.

"Nice to meet you Kathleen, Ava you going to say hello to your aunt" Meredith to said her daughter, who was hiding her face in her mother shoulder.

"It's okay, Derek was exactly the same the same when he was that age" she told Meredith, as she reached out and touched Ava's curls.

"Ava" Josh called across the restaurant and ran up to his uncle and Meredith; it caused Ava to look up from Meredith's shoulder and smile.

"JoJo" she called, wriggling in her mother's arms to get down and Meredith placed her on the ground, and she threw little arms around her cousin who hugged her back.

"They are really closed" Kathleen commented, watching Amy and Josh.

"Ava adores him" Derek said to his sister, before turning back to Meredith. "Let's go and meet and the rest of them" he pulled her close to him as they walked over to the table where his family was sat.

"Hi Ma" Derek said as his mother got up and gave him a hug.

"Derek" she greeted him, before turning to Meredith and pulling her in for a hug. Meredith was surprised at first, letting her arms hang their limp for a second before hugging Mrs Shepherd back.

"Mrs Shepherd"

"It's Carolyn, dear" she said pulling away. "Meredith, you have already met Kath, this is Nancy and Olivia"

"Nice to finally meet you Meredith" Olivia said with smile, reaching out and shaking Meredith hand, Liv could see how uncomfortable Meredith was with her mother's open display of affection.

"Nancy" Derek said, coming over to her and giving her a hug. "Please don't be a bitch Nancy, she means a lot to me"

"Fine" she said "I will be my normal charming self"

"Oh god" he murmured.

"Derek, I am joking with you. I can see she means a lot to you" she told him, Derek gave his sister a kiss on the cheek before rejoining Meredith and Ava who was talking to Amy. Meredith smiled at him as he leant in a kissed her gently on the lips.

"Let's sit down. And I am really sorry but you will be sat next to Nancy" he said quietly in her ear.

"I am sure it will be fine Derek" she said, letting him pull her over to their seats, taking Ava out of Meredith's arms.

"Mama" she cried out, not wanting to leave her mommy around all these strangers. "Mama" she sobbed. Meredith took Ava back from Derek and sat Ava in her lap.

"Mommy got you babba" she soothed into Ava ear, who immediately curled into her chest, hiding her face from everyone at the table, Nancy leant over to Meredith.

"Is she alright?"

"Yeah, I think it is a little overwhelming for her, around a lot of people that she doesn't know" Meredith cringed inside, waiting for a sarcastic comment from Nancy that never came.

"My eldest Sophie was exactly the same; I take it she is usually like this around new people"

"Yeah but she doesn't usually cling to me like this"

"It is her way of assuring herself that you are still here" Kath quipped from the other side of the table.

"Kath, please don't psychoanalyse my daughter" Derek said rubbing his hand across his daughter's back who had stopped crying but still hiding her face in her mother's chest.

"Ava, there are people here that want to meet you" Derek said gently to his daughter.

"No...want mama" Meredith took Derek free hand and squeezed it gently.

"Ava, daddy want a cuddle, give daddy a cuddle"

"Mama"

"Mama isn't going anywhere Ava, and if you sit with daddy you can talk to Jojo" she said to her, using Ava name for Josh.

"Jojo" she sniffled.

"I am over here Av" Josh said not moving from his seat, making Ava look at him. "Why you crying?" he asked, as most of the adults except Amy, Derek and Meredith carried on with their conversation.

"I awaid" she said, Josh walked over to her and held his hand out to her.

"Come and sit with me, Ava, I will look after you" he said, Ava looked up at her mother who nodded and she climbed off Meredith's lap and took Josh hand.

"They are very close" Nancy commented watching as Derek sat Ava on Josh's lap.

"Like i told Kath, Ava adores him"

"Do you have any siblings?" Nancy asked her.

"No, I don't, my mom barely had any time for me"

"Grey, your mother was Ellis Grey?"

"Yep"

"Wow, fantastic surgeon, but very cold hearted"

"Yes, that is certainly one way to describe Ellis Grey" she agreed.

"Nancy, are you feeling ill?" Olivia asked her, amazed at her sister's personality transplant.

"No. Why?"

"Wow, you not being a bitch" Amy said.

"I will have you know..."

"Girls, stop" Carolyn told them in no certain terms. I will have to apologise for their behaviour Meredith, the twins and Nancy are always like this. I am glad to see the girls getting along normally after all this time" Carolyn said, smiling, she was just relieved that they were all getting along.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After dinner, Derek sat back and watched his girlfriend talking to his sisters, and he was glad that after a view tense moments that Meredith and sisters got along very well, he loved that she seemed to fit in with his family and that was when he knew it was the perfect time to ask.

"Excuse me" Derek said standing up. "I have something that I want to say; firstly it is so nice that after all these years that we are finally together as a family" he said looking at all of his sisters and lastly his mother. "Meredith" he said turning around and facing her. "I love you so much, and I couldn't imagine my life without you. These past six months are the happiest I can ever remember being. Before you came back in my life I knew a huge part of me for missing, only I never knew how much until my memory returned, and although I still don't remember everything about us, the one thing I do know is that without you, I would still be lost. Meredith Grey, will you marry me?" he asked getting down on one knee. Meredith was gobsmacked, she was not expecting him to propose, not this soon, but knowing what it was like to live without him, saying no was never an option.

"Yes" she said, tearing prickling at her eyes, as he placed the ring on her finger, standing up he pulled her into his arms and kissed her hard.

"I love you"

"I love you too" she said kissing him again.


	39. Celebration

A/N I was suppose to edit this update so it is more sutiable for this site but I simply do not have the time. **PLEASE READ ONLY OVER 18, THIS IS A RATHER HOT UPDATE **

**Chapter 39- Celebration**

After arriving home from the restaurant; Amy offered to take Ava home with her, so that Meredith and Derek could celebrate their engagement alone. Entering the house, they couldn't keep their hands and mouths of each other, just getting in the door Derek backed Meredith up against it. Derek kissed her hard, his hand roamed down over her shoulders, down her arms, only stopping when his hand reached her ass, cupping it with his hand, he lifted her up, pulling her dress up over her ass has she wrapped her legs around his waist.

Derek quickly pulled his own trousers and boxers down, until they dropped to his ankles, and pushing Meredith's panties aside, he quickly entered her, not giving her time to adjust but it was exactly what they both wanted hard and fast. Derek continued to thrust into her, as he kissed and sucked on her neck.

"Fuck...Derek" Meredith called out, has her hips bucked to meet him thrust for thrust.

"Mer...god" Derek mumbled into her neck, nibbling it with small bite, he knew that Meredith would kill him in the morning but right now he didn't care, all he could hear in his head was that she had yes. His fingers gently massaged her clit, as he thrusted into her, and Derek could feel Meredith trembling in his arms.

"Derek..." she called his name, and Derek could feel himself getting ready to explode inside of her.

"That it...baby...cum for me" he said applying more pressure to her clit, just as Meredith tightened her walls around his cock.

"Fuck...Derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

"Merrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" he called out, spilling into her, and coming down he still thrusted gently as his cock twitched inside of her until he was emptied. Meredith head rested in the crook of his neck as she came down from her high. Derek planted little kisses along her collar bone, has he slipped out of her.

"God, I love you" Derek said, capturing her lips with his own.

"Hmmmm" Meredith made the noise has Derek kissed her. "Bedroom" she murmured against his lips. Derek nodded, and placed her feel back on the ground. Meredith quickly wormed her way out of his grasp and dashed for the stairs before turning back to Derek.

"Last one to the bedroom as to go down" she said, already running up the stairs, laughing.

"Cheater" Derek called after her, quickly pulling up his trousers, so he could chase after his devious fiancée, but hearing her laugh so carefree he couldn't be mad at her.

Derek caught Meredith outside their bedroom door and pulling her into the bedroom, Derek unzipped the back of Meredith's dress, letting it fall off her shoulders and down to her ankles, Meredith kicked off her dress leaving her stood in front of Derek naked except for bra and panties. Derek stood back and admired the view, seeing Meredith just dressed like that, made his cock twitch once again.

"Derek..." Meredith said, feeling herself blush under his scrutiny, there was only a few times that she had felt that kind of scrutiny from Derek and this was one of those times.

"You are so beautiful Mer" he said, finally kissing her, his tongue running over her lips and letting her deepening the kiss.

She could feel his cock press against her stomach as his fingers gently massaged her clit, making her moan gently. God she loved what this man could do to her, she had the best sex with Derek, he was the one that sent her on fire. Derek pushed her against the bedroom door, his hands worked on removing her panties, Derek pulled her panties down as he continued to suck on her nipple, before getting down on his knees and Meredith lifted a leg up at a time so he could remove her panties.

Derek buried his nose in her sex, and inhaled her scent, Derek loved the way she smell, and placing his fingers in her entrance, he could help but smile at how wet she was for him. Looking up at her he smiled, at the satisfied look on her face, and the fleeting look of pleasure that crossed her perfect features as he fingers worked on her clit.

He knew that needed to taste her and her not so silent moans made him want to taste her even more, holding on to her hips, his tongue delved into her folds, gently licking her, before he plunged his tongue into her hot wet centre. Derek held her hips against the door, needing to keep her still knowing that he wouldn't be satisfied until she came around his mouth and he could lick her clean. Derek placed two fingers inside her, his long finger stroke her g-spot.

"Fuck..."

"That's it baby" he murmured, taking his fingers out, before plunging them inside her, causing her to scream out.

"Derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" she called out still stroking her g-spot with one finger before replacing it with his tongue, and he could feel her walls pulsating around his tongue as she came, and licking her clean before getting off his knees and kissing her hard, allowing her to taste herself on him.

"God..." Meredith said resting her forehead against his, and gently kissing the side of his head, as Derek buried his head in the crook of her neck, planting little kisses there.

Derek gently released her and she used the opportunity to adjust their positions so that Derek was backed against the bedroom door, she kissed him lightly on the mouth, before moving down him, her hand wrapped around his cock, and gently moving her hand up and down his shaft, squeezing his cock at regular intervals, and even with her lips on his, she allowed her spare hand to gently play with his balls, causing Derek to shudder underneath her.

"Mer..." he moaned, just before her tongue licking off his pre-cum, that was gathering at the tip of his cock, before she took him in her mouth. She let her tongue, swirl around the tip before gradually taking him fully in her mouth. Knowing that she couldn't take him anymore, she swirled her tongue around his long, thick shaft.

"Oh...god, Mer" he groaned, his head grabbing her hair and starting to pull on it as he thrusting gently in her mouth. Meredith moaned around his cock, sucking on his cock and playing with his balls, she could feel him reaching his high, and she knew that he wanted to cum.

"Mer" he groaned, he really did not want to come down her throat. He met her eyes and what she saw there made her drop his cock out of her mouth.

"What?" she asked.

"Come here" he said, gently pulling her up toward him so he could kiss her on the mouth. Derek kissed Meredith hard, he picked her up and carried Meredith over to the bed, and laying her down on the bed so she was laid before him in just her bra, Derek licked his lips and smiled, causing Meredith to giggle.

Derek leant over her, covering her body with his own and his erection pressing gently into her vagina, Meredith gently bucked her hips before he rested a hand on them, holding her hips down on the bed so she couldn't and with the other hand removed her bra, he took a nipple in his mouth, licking around the areola before he starting to suck on it.

"Please" Meredith moaned quietly arching her back, has his fingers rubbed her clit. Derek gave her other nipple the same attention, not before rubbing his juices covered finger over her nipple, so he could taste her once again.

"You taste so good Meredith" he said kissing her on the mouth, darting his tongue into her mouth, as he positioned him cock at her entrance. Pushing slowly into her, he moaned at the skin to skin contact once he was fully inside of her, he stopped, enjoying the feel of her around his cock.

"I love you, future Mrs Shepherd" he said kissing her hard, his fingers tangling in her hair, as he began to pump into her. He started slowly at first, before picking up the speeds of his thrusts.

"Der..."

"Fuck...Mer" he moaned, nibbling on her collarbone, before sucking on that sweet spot on her neck, he could feel her clampen around his cock, almost making him come there and then.

"Harder..."

"Mer, i want you to come" he said, placing his fingers in between them and massaged her clit, rubbing her gently and he could feel her tightening around him as her juices surrounded his cock, and knowing that he couldn't hold off much longer.

"Derekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk" she screamed out, has her third orgasm of the night washed over her.

"Crap...can't...hold" Derek said as her walls completely tightened around his cock, and he spilled into her, he couldn't hold back much longer.

"Meeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrr" he screamed, burying his head into the crook of her neck, as he continued to pulsate inside of her, until he spill the last of his seed, he gently lowered himself on top of her so not to hurt her as Meredith let her hands play with the curls at the base of his neck. She wrapped her legs around his, holding him in place, she didn't not want him to move of her; she needed to feel all of him.

"I love you too" she whispered in his ear, Derek looked up at her and kissed her, before rolling them over so they were both of their sides, but still connected in every way. Derek planted little kisses over her face, causing Meredith to giggle, he smiled and kissed her hard, and he slipped out of her, but still keeping her close as he closed his eyes, and drifted off to sleep.

**Only the epilogue left which will be up as soon as possible.**


	40. Epilogue All of Your Life

**Here is the epilogue, I have been posting for about a year now, I have a list of people to thank who have helped me in the process of the fic. Fran, Heather, Kate, Jenny and Em, thank you so much for all your help, i appreciated it so much. Also huge thanks goes out to all of you who have read and reviewed, I loved and appreciate every single one of them, and 'lurkers' thank you for reading. Now on with the fic, this epilogue lives up to the fic title.**

**All Of Your Life**

The years went by quickly for Meredith and Derek, they were married 18 months after he had proposed, and married on their land, surrounded by their family and friends. Ava at 4 ½ years old loved being the flower girl, and she would chatter on about it to anyone and everyone who would listen about her special role right up until the day her parents got married.

Meredith never believed that she would get married especially after leaving Derek in Seattle four years earlier. Meredith and Derek's wedding day was small and intimate, married by a judge of the peace rather than a priest despite the objections of his family. Like Derek told them, he had done the big wedding once before, because it was what his family had expected of him but this time their wedding would be about what him and Meredith wanted. It was one rare sunny day in April, when Meredith walked down the aisle to take her vows to the only man she had ever loved and dreamed of marrying and reciting their vows, they promised to love honour and cherish each other before the most important people in their lives.

Ten months after they married, Meredith gave birth to their second child, a daughter called Leigh-Anne, and Leigh was two years old when Derek was offered chief of surgery at Mass General. Meredith decided that she and the girls did not want to be separated from Derek; so she agreed to finish her final year of residency at Mass Gen and they moved to Boston, which also allowed them to be closer to the family. Meredith hated leaving Amy and Josh in Seattle, especially as Amy was her best friend but they kept in frequent contact, often flying out between each other's homes.

Eighteen months later, after Meredith had completed her fellowship; she fell pregnant once again and 8 months later she gave birth to their first and only son Nathan Derek Shepherd. Derek loved his daughters very much, but was thrilled to finally have a son. Derek had settled into chief of surgery very quickly, but Meredith struggled to find herself in the hospital that her mother had made her name. It took her months to earn the respect of the surgery staff, even more so than at Seattle Grace. But they soon came to realise that Meredith Grey was twice the doctor that Ellis Grey ever was; and not just the chiefs trophy wife, as Derek had heard her being called on occasion, he had vowed never to get in the way of his wife medical career, and he knew that she could look after herself.

When Nathan was 4 years old, Richard Webber announced that he was finally retiring and offered Derek; chief of surgery at Seattle Grace and also offered Meredith head of neurosurgery, Richard knew all those years ago after Meredith's first 48 hour shift that he would be offering Meredith Grey-Shepherd, head of neurology.

And before any of them knew it, 25 years had passed.

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Ava was waiting in her childhood home, for her mom and dad; she had promised everyone that she would get them to the Emerald City Bar, where her sister and brother were waiting for them to celebrate their 25th wedding Anniversary along with their family and friends. Ava was aware of how much her mom and dad had always and still loved each other, and she remembered very vaguely what things were like without her dad; she was always a mommy's girl, where Leigh was a daddy's girl and Nate never showed any preference.

"Ava, you okay?" someone said beside her and she looked over at her cousin and smiled at him.

"You shouldn't be here Josh, I am fine. I was just thinking…"

"About what?" he asked her, watching her and he couldn't deny that Ava was a beautiful woman, but they were also related.

"Do you think mom and dad will like it?" she asked her best friend.

"They will love it love it Ava" Josh promised her.

"I hope so Josh" she said smiling at him, and squeezing his hand.

"I will see you there" he told her, giving her a smile before leaving her alone in the house, Ava wandered through the rooms, smiling at the memories that was stored in that house.

"You ready Ava?" her mother asked from behind her.

"Sorry mom," she replied, turning around and giving her mother the smile that she had so clearly inherited from her father. "You look beautiful mom" Ava said, taking in the ankle length blue dress that Meredith wore.

"Thanks sweetheart. So, are you going to tell me where you are taking your father and I?" Meredith asked her daughter.

"Nope." she simply replied giving her mother a kiss on the cheek.

"You know I hate surprises Ava."

"Unless it daddy that gives you one."

"Ava...stop. So are we ready? It not every day I get to escort two of my beautiful girls somewhere." Derek said walking up to his wife and eldest daughter.

"Our cab should be here shortly." she tells them, noting that her father hadn't taken his eyes off of her mother since he walked into the kitchen, Ava walked out of the kitchen but not before seeing her parents in each other arms, kissing. Ava was so used to seeing it; it never once embarrassed her like it did Leigh and Nathan. Her parents had always been very tactile at home, from the slight brushing of hands, to holding each other, she could always see that her parents were in love and she hoped that she would find someone that she shared that kind of love with.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"SURPRISE" everyone shouted as Meredith and Derek walked into Joe's, Meredith instantly teared up and pulled her daughter into her arms.

"You sneaky girl!"

"We wanted to do something special for your 25th anniversary." she told her mother, whilst Derek hugged his other daughter and son.

"Thank you sweetheart." Meredith said, smiling at her eldest daughter, before giving Leigh a hug and then Nathan, but without Derek ever letting go of her waist.

Meredith was thrilled to see all of her friends, including all those that shared their wedding day with them. It had been the first time she had seen Alex and Izzie in over 10 years, and also their family, all of Derek sisters were there, including Kathleen who had been ill recently.

The entire evening was spent catching up with people that they hadn't seen for a while and Derek was watching his children. He could admit to himself that he worried about Ava who at 29 had never had a serious boyfriend, he knew that she was definitely her mother's daughter in every way, and he had never judged his wife for her past behaviour so he wasn't about to judge his daughter for it either. But deep down inside he wished that she would find the kind of love that she deserved the kind of love that he had found with Meredith. Derek watched Leigh with her new husband of four months, and even though he thought that she was too young to get married at 24, Meredith had told him in no certain terms that he either had to accept it or lose her. Derek could admit that he liked Damien, his son in law but he wanted so much more for his youngest daughter but he couldn't deny that she was happy and above all that was exactly what he had wanted for her. Derek watched mother and son together and he knew that she couldn't be more proud of her son, their only child that was following them into medicine. At 20 Nate was at Dartmouth, in his 2nd year of pre med. Nate was aware that he had a family legacy to live up to, with his grandmother, mother and father being surgeons; not to mention that his entire paternal side were all doctors, but he wanted to make his family proud. Ava was a lawyer; Leigh was a teacher so he was the only Shepherd to follow his parents into their profession.

"Der." He heard his wife say, sliding her arms around his waist.

"Mer." He said dropping a kiss on her lips.

"Happy 25 years." She murmured against his mouth.

"The best, I love you so much." He said, pushing his tongue into her mouth and explored the deep crevice that he knew so well.

"I love you too." Meredith told him.

"Mom, dad. Please." They heard Nate coming up behind them.

"You should be used to it by now son."

"Yeah but not in a room full of people."

"They are used to it and beside it is our anniversary Nate." Meredith told her son, reaching her hand out to ruffle his hair like she had always done.

"No touching the hair mom." He admonished her, just as Ava stood up on the stage and cleared her throat catching the attention of everyone in the room.

"I want to thank everyone for coming this evening; I know having everyone here means the world to mom and dad, some of you were here at the beginning, and some of you have joined them on the way. Mom and Dad have a love that cannot be described, growing up Leigh, Nate and I have been blessed to grow up in a house with so much love and with parents who were never afraid to show us exactly what love was. I hope one day that I can find the love that my parents have shared. I won't hold my breath because I know that you can wait all of your life for a love like theirs to come around. Mom, dad, from the bottom of my heart I love you both so much and congratulations, here's to another happy 25 years." She said raising her glass.

"To Meredith and Derek" everyone said, has they made their way to the stage, Meredith pulled Ava in for a hug.

"That was beautiful sweetheart." Meredith said choked up with emotion.

"Once my wife lets go of our daughter i will start my speech." Derek said, causing everyone to laugh, including Meredith and Ava, and Meredith moved to his side. "On behalf of myself and Meredith, i want to thank all of you for joining us this evening, especially since we knew nothing about it. Ava, Leigh, Nate you three have gotten too good at lying to your parents, it is a little worrying. But seriously thank you for organising this, I am thrilled with the turn out. These past twenty-five years have been the happiest I can truly say I have ever been. Meredith has I told you on our wedding day, you complete me in every way, and i don't care how cheesy that sounds but it is true. I mean it when I say I love you more today than i did 25 years ago when you became Mrs Shepherd, and I can't imagine my life without you by my side. I love you Mrs Shepherd and I am looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together." He said pulling her closer and kissing her hard, slowly dipping her to the floor.

**I hope you enjoyed this epilogue and fic. I will be taking a break from writing, as I have mentioned several times finding the time to write is very difficult at the moment, with working, doing shows and my NVQ work, and also finding the time to have a somewhat rare social life. But I will be back with a new fic hopefully by the end of the year. I have ideas on my hard drive for 4 stories, and the most likely of these that I will start posting is either Insatible or Saving All My Love. Thank again for reading and reviewing.**


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